Thank you Dad.

"...Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Mmm Mmm... I don't know... Mmm Mmm... Mmm Mmm...

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too"


I was recently thumbing through the pile of cds in a recyclable shopping bag I keep in our van. I should have them in a safer, more organized location because I would be upset if anything happened to any one of them. However, they are easily accessible and I switch them out often. The cd changer in our van only has 6 slots. This is sort of a bummer when I have quite the selection of music sitting on the floor under the console.

I was thinking, for a 30-something mom, I have quite the broad, eclectic taste in music. I don't stick to one genre and I don't stay on any one particular group or artist for very long, but I NEVER get rid of music. This is probably why I rarely listen to the radio and if I do, I'm a surfer, constantly switching the station to the next 'good' song. Someday, I will add my Playlist to this blog. You'll see what I mean.

My version of 'good' has changed over the years. When I was preteen, I think 'good' was the latest, greatest and definitely overplayed on the local rock station. Through high school, it was big hair bands that had to be played really loud for the full effect, or so I thought. In college, I turned into a music sponge. I rarely had time to watch television, but always had music going. At all of my hourly wage jobs and while riding my bike or the bus to get to and from those jobs and class, the headphones were on and a mix was playing. When I moved on from college to a career, it was playlists on the computer, satellite radio and music that was suggested to me.

College, and thereafter, was when I really started listening to all genres and allowed my musical tastes to be opened. Not only did I listen to the beat, but the instruments individually, as well as lyrics and the varying voices singing. And all of those elements put together created music in song. Yes, I liked some genres more than others. And there was specific music for specific times and places in my life. In retrospect as I write this, I also notice that certain seasons evoked certain musical tastes. But, the one big tie in through all those years, was my father. He had been probably my first musical influence and had always encouraged me to really 'listen' to a song.

My father and I had arguments about 'good' music from probably high school until a trip home from college. I remember giving him a cassette that I had made for him. Eric Clapton, Unplugged (released in '92). He hadn't graduated to a cd player in his pick-up at the time, so a cassette seemed a step up considering he would have probably stuck with 8-tracks for as long as possible. After handing it to him, he asked me what my favorite song on it was and why. I don't remember exactly what song I said, or even if I had a particular one. But I remember us having a discussion about Eric Clapton's musical talent as an acoustic guitarist on this album. We talked about his voice and how smoking had 'made' his voice, which in itself was arguable. My dad, being a chain smoker at that time, was on Clapton's side of course, and thought it only made it better. And we talked about his writing in regards to lyrics and the history behind some of the songs. And then he said something like, 'you finally get it.' I recall him saying those words distinctly because as a kid, I remember him being disappointed that I did not take any interest in learning a musical instrument, nor did I have a beautiful voice. I think he once told me I was tone deaf. I don't think he meant that in a mean way, but for a man that never learned to read sheet music, and pick up a song after listening to it a few times, he was probably pretty disappointed that only one of my siblings ever took up a musical instrument (the Oboe) and they sucked at it.

My dad had played the guitar for as long as I could remember. He was lead guitar in local bands over many years. He played in local restaurant lounges and bars, for weddings and special events, starting even before I was born. This was always a side job for him. He was proud blue collar and a very hard worker. And his favorite hobby was always electric guitar. Fender and Gibson. Don't ask me the years and the models. I just know those were his two prized possessions.

As Father's Day approaches, I think of this one aspect in life that my father always loved and I am still learning to appreciate. I think of all the music my dad introduced me to, the song he and I danced to at my wedding, and most of all, the music I wish I could share with him now. And there is so much music I wish I could discuss with him. I believe I have grown, even from that Clapton cassette, to have a much greater appreciation of musicians and their talent.

"This is for you daddy." I miss you.