It's Not Thanksgiving Yet, But I Got a Bun in the Oven

I'll call this my 'catch-you-up' blog because I've been 'busy.' Time flies. Yes, my summer was fun. And it definitely was a busy one. We'll blame that for my lack of blogging. The first of June started swim lessons for all three kids. I think I paid a fortune for them to relearn what they learned last summer. They enjoyed it, and they do believe they can swim (all 3 resemble a cat being thrown in), but all three will still not stick their heads under water when doing any stroke. We've decided a lake, some life jackets and a few tosses off a boat might be a better and cheaper alternative. This is how my husband and I both learned.

We had out of town family staying with us the beginning of July and enjoyed a wonderful fireworks celebration with extended family at our house. In that same time period, we buried my father's ashes and it was well past the appropriate time considering he'll have passed 3 years ago last week. He was probably getting tired of sitting on a dresser, in a box.

Then mid July arrived and because I promised my husband that as soon as our 3 kids were all potty-trained we'd go camping, I had to bite the bullet and give in this summer. I have to admit, I was a bit excited about this trip because it's the first vacation our family has taken together which has been longer than a weekend trip. It was a 10 day trip out west. We drove the entire trip and miraculously all survived. We saw some of the most beautiful sites and had some really excellent family time together. It was thrilling to experience those places for myself for the first time, but to see our kids reactions to them was even more amazing. It was a great family vacation and despite some really cold nights camping, I'd do it again. One condition...the bathroom would once again have to be located 30 feet from our tent and have running water and a heater. I totally lucked out on the camping slot my husband reserved! And luckily, only 3 of the 9 nights were spent sleeping in a tent with freezing temperatures.

Then August came and we started preparations for school. I couldn't wait to finally get all 3 in school full time. I was weighing my options in regards to returning to work. I spent some time digging out my resume, which hadn't seen the light of day for almost 7 years. I was trying to figure out how to creatively add that for the past 7 years, I was a stay at home mom. I carried babies in-utero for 18 months of those years. I breast fed, changed diapers, potty trained, played dollies and choo-choo and tea party and made tents in the living room. How does one make that sound constructive on a resume? I was also dealing with the idea that I wasn't ready to give up being such a large part of my kids lives. If I went back to work, I wouldn't be able to take them to all of their activities. I wouldn't be making healthy meals and snacks and making sure they got enough sleep, and that they were washing their hands while singing the alphabet twice. If I went back to work full-time, I'd have to pay for before and after care at two schools. If I worked part-time, I'd have to really negotiate hours between 9 AM and 2 PM so I could get our children off to school and also be home when they arrived. All of these things were weighing on me. I thought about just renewing my substitute teaching certificate and working just a few days a week. I'd have to employ a sitter or beg my mom to be home when the kids arrived home. None of the scheduling seemed easy, but I was ready and adamant about my return to work.

So, a few days before school started, I decided to take the kids on a run to the mall for some last minute school clothes. The new socks, undies and blue jeans they'd blow out of in 2 months time. I hadn't been feeling all that spectacular for the past week, under the weather. And for some reason on the ride to the mall, with all 3 kids in tow, I realized I was 2 days late. I wasn't freaking yet. I thought back to the month before. We were on vacation. I had the monthly visitor, but it was a light one and I chalked it up to dehydration in Yellowstone. But two days late is something I wasn't going to dismiss. Made a quick stop at the Walgreen's with all 3 kids because you can't just leave them in the van because DCFS is always watching. Get the goods and head back to the van and off to the mall. Must pee. Headed to the JCPenney bathroom with all 3 kids and my 2 pee stick tests. Asked all three kids to hold the wall up outside the bathroom so they wouldn't be wandering and peeking under the doors. I hung my purse over the door so they weren't trying to investigate my business. Peed. Waited. And sure enough.

So, with my 40th birthday approaching at the end of this year, I am getting one hell of a present, and he/she will be arriving right along with the Easter Bunny. This was totally not planned and we 'were done.' But 'someone' never did his part in making it final. So, along with the birth of our 4th child, I will be taking care of that business too. We should know the sex before my birthday. And because we've gotten rid of every last baby item except for a convertible toddler crib, a cheap training potty and one probably outdated car seat, there has been chatter amongst family and friends about a shower. I'm thinking I should just combine my 40th birthday and a shower. I may not have any energy in my third trimester for celebrations. I certainly don't seem to have any now. I'm passing out at 8:30 PM in our recliner, waking up at 11 PM and then having to watch late night tv just to fall asleep again. And, then I get up to pee every 2 hours, like clockwork, whether I drink anything or not.

I forgot what it was like to go to the OB/Gyn for the routine pregnancy check-ups. I can't believe our youngest will be 5. See my previous blog on all the things no one tells you before you have kids..and all the things you forget until you are abruptly reminded once you start going back on a monthly basis. My first sono was an internal with the 'magic wand'...that right there was a nice awakening to what's in store for me over the next several months.

If I haven't said it yet, I'm excited. I feel confident about this pregnancy. We've got three kids in school full-time and they are all pretty self-sufficient and I can pat myself on the back for that. Bring on #4! And I'm taking names and numbers for those wanting diaper duty and anyone wanting to come wash a few loads of laundry..or perhaps whip up dinner and do the dishes..?

Next blog: Wishful Thinking.

Duck Bills...And Other Vanity Sucking Experiences

If you are a woman that's been for a visit to an Ob/Gyn doc, then you will be able to relate. It took me a few visits to get used to my Obstetrician when I first started going to him about 14 years ago. Yes, it's a guy doctor and at first I wasn't sure about having some male, other than my husband down in the woman parts. But, after some reassurance he sees MANY 'va-jay-jays' (thanks Oprah) in a day, and 3 kids later, we have a pretty open doctor/patient relationship and I've really come to trust him and his staff. But, no matter how comfortable I am with them, the following is a list, probably unfinished, of items and experiences that always make me sweaty and uncomfortable when visiting.


1. Internal Ultrasound Transducer. Quite the name for a wand with a camera that seems like the length of my arm, which gets covered in a condom and warm jelly-like lube and shoved up the you know what for a looksie. First time I was told I needed an internal ultrasound I thought..'oh, no big deal' until I saw this 'not-vibrator' looking thing coming at my woman parts. I've named it the magic wand only because I've gotten to see that I was having twins and with our second pregnancy that we were having a boy. There really is nothing magical about it because it really sucks the vanity right out of you.


2. Getting weighed. I am not sure if I'm the only one that does this but I make sure I drop my purse because it's probably 20 pounds and I also remove shoes if they aren't flip flops or flats. I'm sure it doesn't make a huge difference because I'm already overweight and have been for my pregnancies, but for some reason, it makes me feel better to shed the purse and shoes. If I was getting weighed in the exam room, I'd probably request to shed my clothes too, but those paper gowns do not cover much.

3. Speaking of paper gowns. When I go for exams, they nurse is kind enough to leave me a gown that opens in the front AND a folded paper sheet. Now the gown is to be left open in the front for breast exam purpose and the sheet is to be placed over the legs and give me some reassurance that I'll remain private for the 2 minutes of small talk before I get to lay down and spread eagle. Let me tell you something about that sheet. It is probably the size of a 72 x 108" tablecloth. Now, I'll do the math for you and let you know that even though I'm overweight, I'm not 9 feet wide or long, so that paper sheet is entirely too big. And figuring out how to appropriately arrange it over my legs and waist area so that it doesn't slide off is a challenge. I usually end up tucking most of it under my butt or wrapping it around like a skirt and then getting stuck in it when I try to lay down after the doctor is ready for the exam.

4. The duck bills. Here's a TMI tidbit for you. I was told I have a tilted uterus. Obviously, it's not been a problem in getting pregnant, but as anyone having sex knows, body parts bend and adapt and hooray for that! Duck bills do not. They are metal, slid in until adjusted appropriately, for what seems like the world to get a good view, and then for that 20 seconds of cranking them open so that the doc can get his specimen, my mind MUST escape to La-La Land because I think this is the worst part of any exam I've had. Granted, I've not been for a colonoscopy yet. I'm pretty sure that will be it's own blog.

5. Sample urine cups seem to be another challenge for me. There are two kinds of sample urine cups. There is a clean catch urine package that you get sometimes and then there are routine OB sample cups. The clean catch is a little package with 3 wipes, a cup with a removable lip making sure you catch all the urine and a lid for when you are finished. That doesn't seem all that confusing except for the three wipes. Now I always shower before going to a doctor appointment, but I can't confirm that of others. Until someone explained that the three wipes were for right side of your bottom, left side and down the middle, I had no idea other than they wanted you to be REALLY clean before peeing into that cup. Thank goodness I've had years of practice squatting over dirty college toilets, campground compost pots and even in the woods a few times. I know exactly where my parts are and how they work and have no issues making it into a hole the size of a 5 gallon bucket, BUT....they ask you to pee just a little, THEN hold the cup under the urine stream and catch a good lot of it. Try not peeing on your hand. Really. And then you have to set the open cup somewhere so you can wipe, praying it doesn't spill because you only have so much pee in the bladder. Yes, it's a challenge for me.

6. Breast exams. I hope you do your home checks once a month. I've had two fibroid cyst scares and if you've ever had to go to the Komen Center (or a breast/cancer treatment center) for a sonogram or follow-up, you'll know why it's extremely important to check the girls! But, as for the office check, I'm extremely ticklish. So, having someone get anywhere near my armpits or in that area to check lymph nodes or breast tissue makes me giggle uncontrollably. My doc probably thinks I'm a bit strange, but I can't be the only ticklish person, right? I should thank goodness I'm not ticklish down yonder! That would not only be strangely weird, but most definitely uncomfortable.

7. Running into people you know. I hate this. My doctor is fairly popular in the medical area in which we live which means he sees a lot of people. I've run into many people I've known or my family or friends know in some capacity. And then comes the wondering.. 'hmmm..wonder why she's here?' Call me nosey and paranoid..but for some reason my mind flips through the possible reasons..routine exam?, follow-up exam?, abnormal test results? AND the best one of all ...'IS SHE PREGNANT?' OOOOHHHH...wouldn't that be some juicy news!!??? Why do I think those things about others if I don't want them surmising about my health? Anyway, I keep my head low and pretend I don't see anyone and pray no one asks...'so what brings you here?'

8. Blood pressure check. If the idea of this doesn't increase your blood pressure just a wee bit, then kudos to you. But, just the thought of getting it checked, raises mine. And, usually mine is also affected by what I did before getting to the appointment..argument with the kids before school..running late to my appointment and having just totally hoofed it through the parking lot because I'm late..worrying about that weight check....seeing the duck bills laying out on a tray with a large tube of lube and surgical gloves.. Yeah..those things make my blood pressure spike. I've learned to ask for them to check it before I leave. I also practice slow and concentrated breathing with eyes closed before I have this done. It does calm me and and my blood pressure has always been in normal range, even when pregnant and totally bloated. I highly suggest the breathing.

9. Lastly, there is this artwork on the walls of my doctor's exam rooms. Normally, I wouldn't comment on the decor of a doctor's office as it's usually pretty much the same....some framed degrees or certification, maybe some posters of pro-active healthy ways, and maybe some advertising for new medications. But, along with these in my doctor's exam rooms, are these posters of what appears to be the story of Little Red Riding Hood. I'm not sure the artist and I have requested my doc find new art. I'd even settle for the Anne Geddes babies. What freaks me out are the ones where there is a wolf's mouth dripping blood. Now, I think the wolf has attacked other animals or at least that is what I tell myself, but there should be no dripping blood in any picture on on any doctor's wall, let alone my OB's! Just my opinion.

Best wishes on a comfortable and happy pap! Guys...you have nothing on us by bending over and coughing. Trust me.

"Grow Dammit"

It is the first day of summer for our family. I think the 'official' first day of summer does not actually occur until June 21st, or so I was informed by one of our mouthy and yet very informative 6 year olds. But for me, it starts today.

Summer has begun because:

1. It's 7:06 AM and the only person moving, other than myself, is my husband who has to go to work. I thought for sure the 3 youngsters would be poking my face at 5:15 AM for Cocoa Krispies or a 7-course breakfast, because they didn't have to actually make the bus this morning. I was wrong. The only thing waking me up that early was my bladder and an uneven ceiling fan.

2. Yesterday it was over 90 degrees. We picked Memorial Day to do our first 'family' togetherness activity of this summer. And it involved over an hour long drive, ticks, poison ivy, water and mud. One of those trips where you wish you had a portable shower hose and a washing machine in tow. And of course, it's one of the hottest days this season so far. I believe we hit another 90 degree day a few weeks ago, but that was a fluke. If I actually stay on top of it and keep my blog up this summer, you will soon know I'm far from loving the heat of summer. I prefer a nice 72 degrees with a breeze. The kind of weather where you can keep the windows open. I will suffer between 72 and 80 if I'm home with the kids, unless the humidity is high. High humidity and temps above 80 warrant the AC or mommy gets snippy. (On a side note..that family trip yesterday was actually really fun, minus the laundry, and the smelly, mud-covered and whining kids on the ride home. But we were all just worn out and exhausted.)

3. I haven't been downstairs yet, but I know what awaits me on the desk in the kitchen. A gigantic stack of, "Here mom. These are all our papers from the entire school year. Don't throw them away because there is stuff you have to read and send back before next year, but I'm not sure where they are in this pile or what color they are.' Me: "Oh great! Thanks!" (Insert huge eye roll) I just know the pile is high enough to take me at least an hour, if not longer. Oh..and I completely forgot about cleaning out backpacks, art boxes and lunch boxes. But, and I'll have to remember to thank her later, one of my daughters donated all her leftover school supplies (which I'm assuming would be crusty hard Elmer's, broken crayon nibs and a couple pencils the size of a finger, minus the erasers) and her gym shoes to children in Haiti. They ought to be thankful. Doubtful.

4. We have 'the' upcoming dance recital. This involves two 6 year olds, 4 costumes with hair pieces, tutus, pins, feathers, tails, gloves and 4 pair of shoes of differing sizes per each child. Oh! And let's not forget the make-up! We need blush, eyebrow pencil, eye shadow and bright lipstick so they can kiss and wipe their lips on those pretty white gloves right before they go out on stage. We will be having our hair stylist fix their hair because mommy just can't make 100 curls on each head and shellac as she goes and not burn someone. It's worth the trip into town to have this done for recital night. I'm contemplating wigs for rehearsal night, since this is also 'picture' night because I'm cheap and only want to pay once for the 'recital do.' This also involves one sweaty mommy who probably will not get to enjoy the show, a lot of 'just put this on and don't complain' and in-laws. The in-laws are not a huge problem because my husband will be entertaining them and driving them around, but it's that little whisper in the back of my head that questions, "Did I wash the extra sheets, wipe the toothpaste off the bathroom sink, clean the slimy-soapy-kid-ring around the tub and did I remember to take out dinner from the freezer?"

5. The house is a disaster of laundry, dust, dirty dishes from the weekend, carpet that needs a good vacuuming and bathroom sinks, toilets and tubs that need some attention. These last few weeks of school had me baking, running kids, finishing sports, attending final practices, awards assemblies and end of the year picnics. I was also mailing out graduation cards, reworking wardrobes so kids would have summer clothes and swimsuits which covered their ever-growing legs, arms and torsos. So the house went by the way-side. It warrants some attention. I am thankful I have 3 little helpers, unbeknownst to them. They can maneuver a Swiffer Duster, unload a dishwasher, empty the dryer into baskets and put folded laundry away. And I just bought some Green Wipes so they can clean up their own nastiness left in the bathroom sinks. My mom once told me (jokingly I always assumed) that she and my dad had kids so we could clean the house as we got older. I am starting to understand that train of thought while I see the destruction of our house and how filthy it can get in one day.

6. My body is never ready for swimsuit weather and I don't know why I kid myself into thinking this flab of skin from 2 c-sections is going to magically disappear one morning. My butt, thighs and inner tube below the boobs is my own doing, but the panis..(yes, that is a word) is my kids doing..and inadvertently, my husband's.

7. We built 4 raised garden beds this spring. We hauled in dirt and compost, seeds and plants. I'm anxiously awaiting that first 'ripe' ANYTHING. I want to pick SOMETHING! I want to take a photo of it and brag to neighbors and friends and say, "neener neener neener! I didn't pay $2 for this red pepper!" But, I can't pick the herbs, even though they are producing because I want the plants to get bigger. And I can't pick any veggies yet. None are ripe. There are green tomatoes and lots of blooms, but I will wait until they are big and full of color. And I'm hoping our pepper plants make it. Something has found them and is eating the leaves. It's time to fight back and put out something nasty that the little critters (and possibly big ones) don't care for because I'd like to have a plants left and not just stems. The recent rain (or monsoon, depending on your location) is helping the plants along and our kids are elated that the entire packet of seeds they've planted in their little pots on the deck are producing about 50 sprouts. I don't have the heart to tell them they are going to choke themselves. We need to transplant them to the garden soon. I am extremely impatient and really want to make some fresh salsa or grill some peppers or eggplant. The waiting is difficult and I just want things to GROW DAMMIT!

Perhaps while I'm cleaning house, running kids to swim lessons, attending summer reading programs, or sweating myself making pretty patterns in the lawn on our Cub Cadet, the garden will grow? Actually, that is my fear. It's all going to produce at once and I'm going to be crazy woman putting away vegetables. I will then be unable to keep up with them, the weeds and the house which only remains clean for about 1 minute and the laundry which is only caught up until someone showers!

How many days till autumn? I guess I'll ask one of my, all-knowing, 6 year olds.

Dang, it's been way too long!

"2011"..The year of 'the small stuff.'

Yep, it's the New Year and I finally have a few minutes to myself where I'm not dead tired or have 10 other pressing items on the agenda. I did not do a traditional resolutions list; rather I've decided to just appreciate the small stuff and try not to sweat what seems to be out of my hands.

Small stuff on my mind...taking up a lot of space...

1. My grandmother was laid to rest last year on a beautiful, blustery, blizzard-like day. Grandma's Will gets read this weekend amongst my mother and her siblings. I have a feeling some 'stuff' will hit the fan. No big deal. I wasn't invited and I should not sweat this as it does not involve me. I sit wrapped up in a blanket she sewed personally, just for me. This makes me happy.

2. My mother got engaged to a great guy over holidays last year. I will gain a stepfather. I will still call him by his first name as that seems most appropriate to me, although my kids have asked to call him 'grandpa.' It's hard to juggle the emotions I'm having with a man who has taken over every role my father had in my life, other than being 'my dad.' He will never be that person. I'm letting him into my life as much as I possibly can, while realizing he brings to the table his own family. It's like the Brady Bunch, but the kids are all grown up with kids of their own, and the bride and groom are retirees.

3. I graduated to a smart phone this month. I think it might just be smarter than me, but it is pretty kick-ass in it's abilities. I think the swankiest of its features has to be that I can access the internet ANYWHERE. I have not yet been to BFE to test this theory of mine, but I'm pretty sure it would reach there too. One of the most disturbing features is that the GPS locator can pin-point me almost to the toilet I would be sitting on, if I were to have to the phone with me on one of those necessary trips. No one needs to know this business. Nor will I ever allow the phone to 'track' where I'm at by posting it on Facebook. You need not know I just sat down at my local jaunt for a burger or a beer. BUT, if I'm ever lost at sea or kidnapped, I will be sure and use that feature.

4. The Flu Shot. I will not doing that next year. I had one child throwing up for entire week over the winter. Then I got it. Sore throat, chills, fever that went up and down as fast as the Ibuprofen worked or wore off, and raging ear infections; causing temporary loss of hearing. And then it happened. I was at the toilet for an entire day and a half. And I was so weak, my husband had to walk me back to the bed. I was useless for 4 days. As a mom and wife, I think 4 days might be the max time that you can take off without the children and husband moving in to the bedroom with you. It was nice to have meals brought to me. It was nice to take long, much needed naps and watch Netflix without interruption. It was nice to have antibiotics that WORK. But it is even nicer to NOT BE SICK and uncontrollably puking up...nothing! So, having previously tested the 'no flu shot' theory, and not getting sick, I think I will tempt that fate again next year. I do love fruits, veggies, my vitamins and hand sanitizer and will take my chances.

5. Our basement has acquired a really nice treadmill. It sits right in front of the 'big' tv down there. I intend to use this machine before summer. If I have time to blog, I have time to sweat, right? I need to figure out how to mount my laptop on that sweat machine.

6. We are at the last of the logs on our dwindling wood pile in the back yard. I have LOVED having a fireplace. I am still building fires in it as much as the weather allows or until the wood totally runs out. I will miss the crackle and the warmth it gives. I will admit to getting antsy for spring only because I miss the smell of crumbly turned dirt in a fresh tilled garden and the fresh veggies it will produce. I will have a garden this year. Oh..and I miss the geese and goslings that trek through our yard from pond to pond on their daily morning walk. That should be happening again soon.

7. I despise getting the mail. It is 98% bills and junk. I have one friend (a friend since high school) that is stationed in Afghanistan with whom I correspond regularly. I look forward to his letters for two reasons. I enjoy reading them because it keeps my stress in check after reading what he deals with on a daily basis. Secondly, it lets me know he's still alive. Being alive and free is NOT small stuff. It's big stuff for which to be quite thankful and happy. His letters put perspective on my life. In other 'mail' news, I got some coupons from Kroger for FREE food. In actuality, I probably paid for these items, 3 times over in what I spend there on a regular basis, but yesterday I got free butter, eggs, chips and ice cream and I was QUITE happy! Not the healthiest combo of free items, but a couple staples we can always use, and the ice cream made made the whole family happy.

The rest of my small stuff..in Cliff Notes form. Try to follow along..

My sister has a new boyfriend. She's an adult and I should not worry. I really shouldn't.

Our favorite place to take swim lessons won't be happening this summer, due to unforeseen circumstances and now I'm scrambling to find something new where our clingy child won't cry every day. I am happy all 3 kiddos do get in the water
without kicking them in (ok..not really) which didn't happen 2 years ago.

We also seem to be stuck between two park districts for children's summer sports options. We would pay 'non-resident' for either option, but that extra $5 seems to feel like the 'we don't belong' tax. Or perhaps the price one pays to not live in 'the city?'

I finally got much needed NEW bras and I will say my upper body is much happier these days.

It really is the small stuff. It fills our minds. It may or may not seem significant in the minds of others, but it's what consumes that extra space in our head. I feel pounds lighter after sharing. But I'll keep the treadmill around for the hips, thighs and rear.

Happy New Year!!...2 months late...but who cares, right?

"Nuttin' for Christmas!"

Our 3 year old was showing his age today. And I was showing my 'I grew up in the 70s, got spanked and turned out just fine' self.

I picked up my son from school this morning and asked him if he'd like to be my date for lunch. I had to return something to Old Navy, so we went to Steak and Shake after. Got a shake for he and I to split. I got him his meal of choice, complete with cardboard car, hat, crayons...etc. The meal went fine. He didn't eat much of his hot dog, but finished off his mandarin oranges and shake and fries that we split. So, he asks for a quarter for the crap machine at the front while I pay. Ok, fine. He was pretty good. He waited for me to pay so I could help him with the machine. 'HE' picked the candy he wanted. Chewy Sweet Tarts. When I went to give him the handful that was dispensed, he FREAKED. On the floor FREAKED. I calmed him down enough to ask him what was the problem.

Get this...There were not enough in the handful! He thought he was going to get more. He threw a total and complete fit in the lobby by the cash registers. I drug him to the foyer between the doors and spanked his butt. He threw another fit and was on the floor rolling around. People could not get in or out of the restaurant. The flow of traffic was at a standstill while we seemingly duked it out on the white tile. I picked him up and took him outside. He wretched himself away (I had his gloves, hat, my gloves, a purse and his cardboard car in my hands) and started yelling at me and throwing his fists. All the while, an older lady was being picked up at the door and was watching this 3 year old talk to his mother like she was the wicked step-monster from HELL.

Finally I picked him up like a sack of Morton Salt (which btw always feels like more than a 40 pound bag that I would never attempt to lift above my waist), threw him over my shoulder, and quickly took him to our van. Thank GOD for key fabs and auto slide doors. I put him in the van, spanked him once again for the performance in front of the older woman and who I'll assume to have been her husband, and then wrestled him into the carseat. I had to do the '2 year old, elbow in crotch routine.' If you are parent reading this, you know to what I'm referring. He cried and screamed, kicking his shoes and socks off and proceeded to puke all over his car seat straps and himself. I got home and left him in the van for a few minutes while I got my breath. I counted to 100 instead of 10 this time. I went back out and he was full of vomit. I keep a roll of paper towels, a can of Lysol and Wet Wipes in the van at all times. I cleaned that mess up. Took him immediately to the laundry room, stripped him down and sent him upstairs with just his undies on. He went pee all the while STILL yelling at me about this sugary blasted candy from which he felt he was jipped. Finally I had ENOUGH. Pulled the undies down..3 firm whacks to the butt and he FINALLY was quiet.

Washed him up, made him brush his teeth, I put fresh clothes on him, then I put him in bed. I asked him if he was ready to talk. I did the whole speech about not liking his behavior, but always loving him. We talked about what was wrong behavior and right behavior while we are in public. He apologized and said he still wanted his candy.

Um..HELL NO! I gave him a kiss and a hug. Gave him his snuggle blanket, his dog Scruffy and I told him to take a nap and wake up happier.

OMG..BAD LUNCH! It will be a while before I go out with that date again!

Occupied.

Reasons I haven't blogged in almost a month (aka..excuses)

1. It got cold and I am slacking on the exercise regime and I wasn't going to admit it but, Santa is watching and so I'm choosing to fess up. I am doing the Jingle Bell Walk/Run on December 4th. Go Team! And, if anyone wants to challenge me to a Wii Hula Hoop challenge, I'm all for it.

2. My mom, at 63 years old, has a new man in her life. I find him to be such a positive aspect in her life. He makes her giddy and all girly-feminine again, which is a side I never saw of my mom because by the time I recognized her as a 'woman' and not just mom, she had already gone through all the girly stuff to snag my dad. It's really neat to see her have a second chance at love and come full circle and watch her date. We've been spending some time getting to know this gentleman and his family and I look forward to knowing him better. Oh..and he made me do something I probably wouldn't have tried otherwise.. I rode a 4 -wheeler for the first time. And it's BIG. And it was FUN. (insert wide eyes and huge smile here) And next time I ride it, I plan on going faster! And I loved that our kids thought I was cool for taking it for a spin.

3. The holiday season is upon us and I'm all about the winter holidays. I can't put into words how excited I get to have family close and celebrate all I'm thankful for and have been given over the past year. I love everything about the winter months and I can take anything a Scrooge says and turn it upside down!

4. My husband is extremely busy at work and this pretty much makes me a single parent while he concentrates on school and work. This is probably why I love the holidays because once he finishes his class, he uses up extra vacation days and I get to have him to myself. Well, I have to share him with the kids until they go to bed, but I love having him at home and being able to do things as a family.

5. We finally sold our previous home and just refinanced our new one. Lots of John Hancock-ing going on over the past few weeks. Signing my life away once again.

Those are my excuses for not having blogged. Bear with me...I am not the hibernating type, so I will start writing again. I'm just in need of some dire ME time.

Someone, please light a firecracker under my butt.

So, over a week ago, my grandma landed herself on a little road trip in an ambulance to OSF. She took a nasty spill and although OSF staff was aggressive in their approach and with best of intentions to get her well, it wasn't the TLC she needed. She subconsciously (or maybe not?) decided to shut down while there and refused to eat. There was actually no TLC being given out freely and so family decided to just get her home. I spent every morning up there with her last week, just holding her hand and hoping she'd make it out of there. She is the matriarch to the maternal side of my extended family and I can't imagine not having her present in our lives.

That being said, I did not exercise. I flubbed on my running and every day I woke up, I'd feel the guilt and the aches in my knees and feet from NOT going. We battled sickness at our house the week before my grandmother's fall and then this past weekend, it crept back in. Fall and spring are HUGE allergy seasons and I fall prey. I take prescription medications to control allergy induced asthma breathing issues, but it seems the slightest germ brought home or slightly cool night with the window cracked, wakes me up with the worst of sore throats, runny nose, watery eyes and a crap-shot day. I decided that even with the seasonal issues, I would at the least, WALK. Just doing this takes a mental shove to get me out the door.

I'm not lazy. I'm on the 'go' quite a bit. But these past two weeks I seem to be full of excuses. Life seems overwhelming in trying to fit it all in and be happy with myself at the end of the day. Husband has been out of town on business since Sunday, so kiddie care has been all me and if this does not suck the life out of momma, I have no idea what does. It does make my running routine in the morning seem like a breeze compared to the witching hours in the afternoon, when I can do nothing right according to our kids.

I haven't blogged much since I had my 'gung-ho' exercise posts. I am going to stick with it, but I do think it would be easier if someone just drug my ass, lassoed, through the Steamboat Classic by horse. I think I need someone to take photos of my body in tight clothing, print about 100 of these off and tape them everywhere. Bedroom closet door. Bathroom mirror. Dashboard in my van. Laundry room. And of course, the pantry and refrigerator doors.

Tomorrow will be the 2nd Anniversary of my father's passing and according to some people, the feelings of sadness fade. I have yet to experience the day just being glossed over by the craziness of normal routine. Maybe that happens in the 8th, 9th or 15th year? I find myself reliving those last moments and I just wish we could skip tomorrow altogether.

Some uplifting news.. I'm going to see Bob Dylan this Friday (something my father would have enjoyed) and I can barely contain my excitement over this.

And I was looking for an appropriate song to end this blog entry, but since youtube snatches up all the good 'Bob' videos and knocks out the audio (per his request), I'm going with a quote. I love Bob Dylan's writing style, dry and plain as it can be. His lyrics are like no other and the minimalist way he voices himself, not to mention his lips on a harmonica or his fingers picking a stringed instrument, makes him the musical deity that has my proverbial panties in a bunch!

"I'm just glad to be feeling better. I really thought I'd be seeing Elvis soon."
Bob Dylan

St. Francis Medical Center, You're Housekeeping Sucks!

My grandmother came by ambulance to the OSF (Saint Francis) Emergency Room Saturday afternoon after a nasty spill.

The first day I visited, the day she was admitted, I parked in the deck and walked in expecting to hitch a ride on the hall trolley to the old admitting area and ask where I could find her. But when I walked in, the hall to the new Children's Hospital was open and I was told I could ask at their new admitting desk. So, I walked the hallway noticing vibrant colors, a new gift shop (mainly for children) and how beautiful the floors looked and how clean the windows were. When I got to the desk, they said she was still in a room in the ER and a staff member from admitting, offered to personally escort me to her room. Again, more very vibrant colors, clean hallways, sterile environment and no funky smells. As it is generally understood...what a hospital should be!

Yesterday...
When I visited, I was there in the afternoon around 3 PM to 5 PM and had noticed the floors were dirty and there was some nasty unidentifiable stuff on the privacy curtain near the lower right corner. The most noticeable flaw with housekeeping was the stench I was smelling. Supposedly, the staff had her out of bed to use a commode and had not emptied it. So, there it sat, in the corner of her room (and they aren't big rooms!) and it STUNK. Badly. I did mention it when the charge nurse was in and she got another nurse to empty the pan and change the padding under my grandmother in her bed. The nursing staff was attentive to her needs and because of her reason for being on that floor. However, the housekeeping staff, I never saw.

Today's visit...
My grandmother is, to my understanding, on an intermediate neurology floor. I took the 'C' Elevator (outside the main gift shop) to the 3rd Floor. According to the nurse caring for my grandmother, on the shift in which I visited today, there were 16 beds on that hall which were filled, housekeeping should have been by already. There were 2 employees appropriated for bathing all 16 of those patients, which should happen in the morning hours. According to a relative who had stayed in the room with my grandmother overnight, someone had come in and emptied the trash, but had done nothing else to clean the room. My relative had been using their own Clorox Wipes to wipe off the bedside table, the arms and safety rungs of the bed, the visitors chairs (which turned the Clorox Wipes black!) and really awful areas of the floor which had not been attended to since they had arrived the night before. I had not visited the bathroom, as it said 'patients only' on a sign on the door, but I did use the hand sanitizer on the wall every time I got up or left and came back into the room. And I took my clothes off in our laundry room when I got home before entering the rest of our house and exposing our children to what I encountered. Need I say more about house cleaning?

I received a phone call from the relative who remained with my grandmother after I left and they said she had been moved to another room on that floor, one with a lesser need for observation (no monitor hook-ups) and that the room was a bit cleaner. There were no obvious stains on the floor. They were hoping to have her up and walking and would bathe her in her new room after that. I certainly hope housekeeping gets to the last room before they fill her bed again! Oh..and don't forget to change the sheets. Her head injury was oozing (as is normal I was assured) and the pillow cases (on two of the pillows) had quite obviously not been changed today. I realize it is not the nursing staff's job to maintain cleanliness in the room, however, I don't see it as 'healthy' to try and treat a patient in a filthy environment.

I'm sure there will be a review filled out before she leaves and I hope my grandmother's Durable Power of Healthcare let's the house keeping staff know how disappointed we have been.

Awake And Moving on Day 2!

And I'm not going to post progress every day, but I wanted to share my first day up until now.

I was in massive pain when I got home yesterday morning, despite the 'woo-hoo' feelings that I actually made it. Every 'ka-thud' to the ground with one foot, leg, hip and belly jiggle while running had lent itself to the hurt I was feeling yesterday for most of the day. I fell asleep yesterday afternoon and woke up a half hour later feeling rested. And then a shower before dinner helped to revive me too. I had a major sciatic issue (must get fitted for GOOD shoes!) and all I could think about every time I went up and down our stairs was how bad my the left side of my butt hurt. But, I took it easy, hydrated throughout the day, made an awesome dinner and did not eat anymore after 7 PM. I even went to bed fairly early (for me) because I just couldn't keep my head up.

Woke up this morning and am feeling better. Sciatic pain is someone gone or 'in hiding' and I'll be happy if it hides all day. I have a house to vacuum and if I do it the right way, with edging and vacuuming vents, corners of walls and moving furniture, I will have had a good workout. I will take my son out on his bike this afternoon and I will walk. I'm not going to overdue it, but I don't want to wake tomorrow and be curled in a fetal position.

Need some water.

And thanks for all the wonderfully supportive messages yesterday. :-)
I hope you will continue to follow me. I remain positive.

Today Is The First Day

Couch to 5K.

I don't know if I'll ever be 160 pounds again. I was 160 pounds at some previous point in my life because you don't go from 21 inches and 8 pounds to 5'8" and 245 pounds without passing 160. I believe I am shaped like a pear or perhaps an apple? I also know that I carry my weight in the worse place possible, right under my chest and around my stomach. I am a size 22 pants/jeans and a 24 top. I consider my chest huge and the inner tube under my arms seems to flow to my back. I told myself if I was ever going to lose weight I needed a way to keep myself honest. Any woman, looking at another woman can visually guesstimate what the other one weighs within 15 pounds. Oh, some can hide it pretty well, but take off the Spanx and girdles and out it all flows. In my mind, men see women as skinny, fat, hot, or having just popped out a few kids and letting her body go. And I did have 2 c-sections, which have left a horizontal scar and the flab of skin over the scar (a muffin top?), but the weight around the scar is my own doing. Being called fat does bother me (and it doesn't have to be verbal..it can be a look..a once over) because I know how it got there and I know it's my own doing and I know I can fix it.

I think 160 pounds is on the high end of what my body height allows for a healthy weight. Perhaps that has medically changed, and if so, please don't tell me. I just know when I was 170 and pregnant with our twins, I felt really healthy. I 'looked' healthy. I don't look or feel healthy now. I've always been the one if I wanted something, I went after it. I worked several jobs to get through college and earn an art degree. I wanted to have a thriving career before I 'settled down' I found a way to move to Chicago and enjoy a career, my own place and the thrill of independence. I allowed myself the time through a busy career to find love, enjoy my husband 'alone' for a few years before having 3 beautiful kids. These are all aspects of my life that I have worked for and couldn't imagine my life any other way. And I enjoy staying at home with my children, but they are becoming less dependent and it's time I put some of the focus back on me.

If you've haven't read the paragraph 'about me' under my blog title it says this:

...I'M A WIFE, MOTHER, DAUGHTER, SISTER, FRIEND, IN NEED OF AN OUTLET FOR ALL THE JUNK THAT PILES UP IN MY MIND. I ENJOY BEING A WIFE AND MOM, BUT SOMEWHERE ALONG THIS PATH I CHOSE FOR MYSELF, THE DAY-TO-DAY SNUCK UP AND SUCKED THE LIFE OUT OF THE PERSON I ONCE WAS AND ENJOYED. I AM SEEKING TO FIND 'HER' AGAIN...THE TOMBOY..THE ADVENTURER..THE WHIMSICAL-SPUR OF THE MOMENT-JUMP IN THE CAR AND DRIVE...THE ARTIST AT HEART."

The day to day has sucked the life out of me. And some days just getting the kids out of bed, getting them breakfast, hair combed, teeth brushed and out the door with backpacks and lunch boxes, not to mention the dog fed and the rest of the morning routine finished and done, I'm ready to climb back into bed and put in another 2 hours of sleep. But no one ever got anywhere bitching about it or sleeping in all morning.

So, I started walking about 3 weeks ago. Just around my neighborhood and at my own pace, which probably would compare to a snail. But it has felt good. I haven't lost a pound. I haven't changed my eating habits other than consciously eating healthier meals which means smaller portions and drinking more water. I need to cut out the junk in my diet, but that is probably the hardest thing for me. I'm working on it.

I sort of reached this exercise block where I got bored with walking already. I teetered with the idea of running for several years, but I have a million excuses why I've never done it. Allergy induced asthma, big boobs, sciatic pain, and just the general idea that I don't think I'd really like it. Poor reasons, really. I've been trying to think of ways that I could continue this exercise for myself but set a goal for something I could work toward. I have several friends who run and have been running since grade school. I asked one for advice and she loaded me up with information.

I set my goal as the Steamboat Classic 2011. I found a 'couch to 5K' online plan. I am finding it hard to believe that I could be ready to run a 5K in 2 months, like the online plan is suggesting, but I am going to try and follow it. I'm sure this online plan does not account for women who are as physically unhealthy as myself, but I am working with it anyway. If I have to stretch it out over 4 months, rather than 2, then so be it. I will make it through this and hopefully, come Spring, be ready to take on longer distances and be amply prepared for this race in June. I don't care how I finish as long as I cross the finish line. It is a personal goal. And I hope to get healthier along the way.

----
My first day.
I stretched following the 12 step stretching samples on the website I'm following. I did my 5 minute brisk walk and got halfway around the neighborhood. This made me aware my previous daily walks were doing nothing other than circulating blood. Then I had to start 60 seconds of running, 90 seconds of walking for 20 minutes. OMG-I ran!

And I felt how heavy each leg was. How heavy my butt and belly have gotten. I felt how far I had to raise each leg just to get a foot off the ground. I felt the IPod squeezing my arm, reminding me how large my arms have gotten. I felt sweat underneath the hair on my head. I felt my underwear and my bra and they weren't comfortable. I felt every breath go in my nose and out my mouth. I felt my lungs start to burn. I felt the back of my throat burning. I felt every song on my IPod not seeming to be fast enough (note to self...must download 'Eye of the Tiger' because even if I never become Rocky, I would like to at least feel like him). And I felt every second of each 60 seconds of running go by.

I was happy to see the driveway. I was happy to realize that I had accomplished the first day. I was happy I did not have an asthma attack or a heart attack. And I'm proud of myself for doing this. While I was on the second to last 60 second run period and I was feeling like I would just walk the rest, I tried to imagine what it will feel like to cross that finish line in June. Not just to finish, but what I will have accomplished by then? I tried to imagine what I might look like and how I would feel about myself. Will I cry from exhaustion or accomplishment? From both? In imagining all those thoughts and feelings, 60 seconds flew by. And before I knew it, I was in my driveway.

Today was hard. As I sit and type this, I'm feeling it in my calves and ankles. As I near 39, I don't want to be physically hurting anymore. I don't want to be fat. I want to feel positive and healthy. I want to accomplish this so I can see another 40 years, so that I can enjoy all the aspects in my life that I've put so much effort into having for myself. And perhaps I'll never reach 160 pounds again, but I can strive to be a healthy person who is happy with herself.

Barrel Tipping?

I'm originally from a rural area outside of Peoria and have heard of cow tipping, but this new version of vandalism could pose a hazard to oncoming drivers that are unaware of the road situation at Route 8 and the Kickapoo/Edwards/Taylor Road intersection.

Just a hunch, but I don't think the storm did this over the weekend.


The first two photos show the damage to the barrels on the Kickapoo/Edwards side, going north on Route 8, where the median is currently under construction. The vandals must have run out of time or just been too pooped that late at night to do the barrels on the south side of Route 8 at Taylor Road (last photo). Those were left alone. It is too bad there was no video camera at that intersection because a lot of the reflectors on the barrels were busted and the barrels themselves were tore up and laying in the road.

The Weather Is Beautiful

Ever notice how the weather is the 'go-to' topic when you have nothing better to talk about? It is often the subject of small talk. The weather has been nice, in fact, spectacular in my opinion, but that isn't the root of my blog post.

Despite the cooler temps, windows open and breezes blowing, my mood has been a bit melancholy as of late. I caught Phil Luciano's column this morning about the loss of a friend. Luciano: A darkness behind the brightest of smiles - Peoria, IL - pjstar.com I thought it an interesting point where he questions, "what lurks behind the smiles and laughs we see in our loved ones every day? Are they real, a mask or something in between?"

Some days I wear my happy face because I deem it necessary to project positive thinking to our children and to others. I'm not saying I do it all the time. I'm sure if you asked our kids, they would tell you mommy can also do the 'scary monster face' really well. My point is, sometimes we hit ruts, a funk and we need to find a ladder, to be able to climb out of the hole of darkness.

Several news stories have brought me down in mood, a crisis with one of our vehicles, ongoing edginess with friends, crazy schedules my family is keeping lately and several family matters for which I have no control. I just wanted everyone to know the truth. I am not a 'perky peach of a mother' all the time. And I've come to realize, there are times in my life, my months, my days where I just have to get my leg on one rung of that ladder to step up and see a little light.

I went for a walk. I made a pot of coffee. I am sitting outside enjoying the morning of peace and quiet. And despite the crap in my life that I noted above, I am smiling on the inside because I know it will pass and life will work itself out.

"I took the good times, I take the bad times..."

"...I take you just the way you are."

I had a great Labor Day weekend, for the most part. Husband and kids were GREAT. We had wonderful friends over and I even got out and enjoyed a little 'me' time. Everyone relaxed and enjoyed each other, which is how a long weekend is supposed to be.

However, it ended abruptly due to some unforeseen, yet forthright honesty by a few persons in my life. I thought, perhaps naively, I'd never encountered a person, that I could not get along with, and at the bare minimum, agree to disagree. I was pretty proud of the fact, most of my friendships and relationships that had disengaged throughout my life, seemed to have been amicable in parting of the ways or for those which just grew apart, with no one to blame. I should be thankful. I've had disappointments and minor backstabbing in my life from persons I've trusted. Those persons doing the damage were obviously not of great importance in the grand scheme of my life, because I got over it relatively quick. I am not sharing major details of this weekend's events as I prefer to keep some dirty laundry on the laundry room floor of my home, but I will say, emotionally, it was a rough, eye-opening weekend.

The first song I thought of was 'The Stranger' by Billy Joel, because I felt blindsided and betrayed by the persons I thought I knew. However, as I continue on this journey of adulthood, I realize that there are people who just don't care for me. I rub them the wrong way, I've been a disappointment to them in some regard, or perhaps they just don't find a middle or common ground with me. I can accept that.

Instead of feeling like I am disappointment or I lack the qualities to be 'liked/loved' in those persons lives, I'm choosing to embrace the person I am to those who do love me, those that accept me for who I am. It is to those people that I say THANK YOU. Thank you for loving me just the way I am.

Moving forward.

GLORIOUS ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC DAY!

THIS is my FALL!! When I step outside in my pajama attire (to let the dog out) and I am freezing 'something' off, it is MY kind of weather. It is going to be a good day. I opened up the windows and am purging the summer funk that has built up in this house. I'm cleaning house and actually enjoying it.

Busy day ahead that involves a lot of driving. I'm actually excited about this. Driving when your dash registers 102 degrees, is NOT my kind of driving weather. I don't care if the AC is set at 63, with all 4 front vents blowing on me (yes, I really do this), it is entirely too warm to be in a vehicle because at some point, you have to get out. So, today as I venture out to get an oil change, pick up my son from school, head to a late lunch with a friend and then to the movies tonight with my husband and the kiddos, I will be rolling down the highway with the windows wide open and the music at a level that won't wound ear drums, but might just let other vehicles at stoplights know that it's a 'Desire' kind of day! I never used to like the cd, but I found myself playing it over and over as I'd go out to shoot photos and now it's probably one of my favorites. It's good-groovin'-drivin' tune-age, but if you like 'BOB,' any of his music is good music, anytime.

Carpe diem.

Not sure what's up with the Jesus rag on his head (1976 ?), but still a good song..

A $4 Date!

Well actually, I went by myself, so I only spent $2, but the time alone was much needed and the view, breathtaking and spectacular!

If you've never been to Tower Park in Peoria Heights, IL, put it on the to-do list! I have lived in this area for almost 39 years off and on and this was the first time I'd ever gone up in the tower. I want to say it was erected in 1970 (sign at the bottom as you get off the elevator) but I'd need to check that again. And there was a restorative overhaul in 2002 (also need to check again but found that on wiki).

If you are not into glass elevators that move at a snail's pace, this might not be the date for you. However, if you want to take your sweetie up (or a friend, family member..not sure if pets are allowed, doubtful), it is serene, peaceful and quiet except for the open air wind and romantic as the top of the Eiffel Tower, or so I imagine for this town of Peoria. I have not actually been to the top of the Eiffel Tower, but a place is what you make it and I made the most of it! I was at the top of the tower for over a half hour today snapping photographs and admiring the views. And the breezy wind up there was fantastic as todays temps were low 90s. The elevator actually stops 2 floors below the actual top of the tower. You climb to the top deck, which is totally open air, with a spiral staircase.


I'm not sure if there is a time limit up there (doubt it) and you'd have to check the hours they are open, but if someone needed an awesome date idea, I would suggest packing a small picnic bag with a blanket, a non-alcholic bottle of bubbly and 2 toasting glasses, grab lunch from a local venue and then undoing the date's blindfold, somewhere about 10 seconds after you hit the PH button on the elevator going to the top of the tower. Yeah..I thought it was pretty funny they had a PH button. I kept thinking..'woohoo'..I've never been in a Penthouse suite!

I'm really into finding treasures in this area. This isn't overly advertised, and it is definitely a place worth seeing from the top! And be sure to check out the woodpecker on the southwest side...but don't lean over the edge too far!

Well, It's Friday and I'm Not In the Fetal Position!

Cheers!

My walks have been good. I've SEEN the morning, the fog on the pond, all my neighbors leaving for school and work (ha ha suckers!..ok..sorry..but don't I get to be happy I stay at home?), cleared my head, made the dog happy by letting her sniff every unidentifiable pile of something, and still had the rest of my morning to myself. Did I mention I am working up to a jog? I think my feet, as well as the rest of my body, need to be slightly conditioned (cough...cough..) before attempting to actually go at a faster pace than a brisk walk. But, I'm still going.

Crunches suck. I'll rephrase that... Crunches SUCK. But, every time I feel it pull when I slowly lower myself back down, I know what I'm working toward and it feels GOOD!

Do you know what a nasal aspirator is? It's that blue little bulb/baster looking thing they send home after having a baby at the hospital. It is used to remove snot and other fun loogie-type-stringy-stuff from your newborn's nose so they can breathe. I wish they made one that would go inside my belly button and suck out what I've shoved down my mouth for the last 5 years. Sure would make the crunches not seem like I'm being suffocated by my breasts.

Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. (insert huffing and puffing here)

And This Is Why I'm Not Working...

Son is down for a nap..and all is quiet again. He was so cute today. He came running out of school, gave me a big hug, told me he got 'spotted' (they get a puppy paw print sticker..dalmation..spots..for good behavior) and asked if I could take him for a hot cocoa at Starbucks. So, I said, 'how about we get a chocolate milk w/ whipped cream instead of something hot because it's a nice day?' He agreed. So we went and I ordered a tall iced soy latte and he got chocolate milk. We sat and listened to jazz. He danced to the beat of the music and wiggled in his chair while he drank his milk. And we talked about his morning. Then we drove home and he talked more and I listened. And he requested pbj and carrot sticks for lunch. I surprised him w/ strawberries and a rice krispie treat when he was done. And he said, 'mommy, I love that you make my lunch.'


And THIS is why I am not working.

I Got Boobs and I'd Be Happy With A 4-Pack.

After doing crunches this morning, I know I have muscles. I could feel them tightening. There must be a six-pack hidden under there, right? I might only ever have a four-pack, if I ever could see it someday. I believe the other two-pack is hidden under what has transpired as motherhood boobage.

I'm thinking by Friday I may be in fetal position after my stomach says, WTF!!?!!

I'm An Apple. I Need to Eat More Apples.

For the past 3 years, I've lost weight, put on weight, lost the weight again and then put on double the weight I lost. I've had many excuses, but I know the reason is I've just been lazy in caring for myself. I made the decision to put myself last at some point and it has killed my self confidence. Our children will all be in school for the first time this fall and tomorrow is the day I start getting some of my 30-something self back, my health and stress in check, and the confidence level I want my children to see and my husband to rediscover as something sexier than the housewife in 'comfy' clothes.

I will continue to post my progress and failures. I'm optimistic for progress.

Wanted: One-Big-Frosty-Salted-Margarita, Extra Booze Please

I've had the most wonderful opportunity to care for 3 additional kids this summer. And some days, all 9 of the grandchildren in our family were able to spend time together this summer. Here are the revelations that I've come to recognize. Some I've attempted to improve upon. And then, after some hard-core-slap-me-in-the-face realization, I just let it all go and try to get 10 breaths in before I commit myself to the padded room.

1. Kids pick their noses. What they do with their findings isn't always pleasant. I've encouraged tissues, but most days the 'gold' ends up on sleeves, pillows, furniture or most unpleasantly, in a mouth. Does ACT or Crest make mouthwash that truly takes care of boogers? Perhaps a good dose of Listerine would kill the curiosity to dig for gold?

2. Children don't do a good job at wiping their own butts. As much as one would like to think their child is potty-trained at 5 or even 7, the proof is in the underwear. I've attempted to do a 5 kid seminar at the bathroom door, with toilet paper in hand, on the proper way to wipe your caboose. I'm reminded of the age old saying..'you can lead a horse to water...' So, as much as I'd like for my youngest niece to wipe her own butt, the minute I hear her yell, "I'm DONEEEEEEE," I go running to the bathroom. I can usually catch her butt before it slides across the toilet seat and repaints it another color, along with the rest of her backside and she drops her entire dress in the toilet and then requires a wardrobe change. On the days I don't catch her, I keep an extra set of clothes, the paper towels, and Clorox stocked in all the bathrooms.

3. Small children will eat with their fingers and make noises that sound as if they are piglets at a feeding trough. You can put appropriate silverware (the right sized fork, spoon, spork) with a napkin next to the plate, or even two napkins if you deem necessary, but that does not mean they are aware of their existence when they see spaghetti that just beckons a twirling on the finger and a slurping down the hatch. This is followed up by washing it down with a lidded cup with a straw, that they insist on tilting to the ceiling. Inevitably, that 1 millimeter space between the straw and the hole in the lid, lets the chocolate milk run down, their chins and into and on the outsides of the fronts of their shirts. Here's a bit of advice for the maker's of children's shirts.. Don't bother with white or yellow material.

4. The time required to properly and safely secure 6 children in a vehicle before departing..SUCKS. And even though your mini-van touts that is seats 8 persons, what they really meant to say is that it fits 5 adults and the one in the last row can not have legs. Because if you have ever crawled into the 2nd row of a mini-van and tried to buckle those 3 children, (warning..run on sentence) one in a 5 point harness car seat, and 2 in boosters, where the seatbelt latch mechanism is so far hidden in between the seats, not to mention the digging you must do to find it between the actual crack between the van seats, all the while your armpit is smothering a child in the second row and your legs are balanced on the console, hoping it doesn't decide to bust a move while the ice cold soda you prepared for yourself awaits the completion of this feat....you will find this to be the biggest BITCH of your day! Keep your profanities in check.

5. Kids today are just not appreciative. I find myself saying, 'tell Mr. and Mrs. So and So, or your Aunt, your grandma, 'thank you for...' more often than I hear my own kids just instinctively saying the words themselves. It embarrasses me that they are seemingly ungrateful when having not a care in the world and leading such privileged lives. I often wonder if I do not say 'thank you enough' or they don't hear me saying it enough? Or, if because I am conscious of it, I do say it often and they just don't deem it necessary, when something falls into their hands, whether it be a toy they've wanted or someone's time. This needs serious correction and attention. My fall project.

6. The dispensing of toothpaste onto a toothbrush was not meant for those that have not yet cleaned a bathroom. I am convinced toothpaste, no matter the brand or variety, because I have indeed tried them ALL, could be used as a multipurpose adhesive: grout, glue, coagulant to stop bleeding and maybe even wall puddy for hanging photos? If you doubt it's a pain in the *ss to clean up, have a 5 year old spit and smear a half tube all over your bathroom sink, mirror, hand towel and light switch. I bet you'll contemplate the cost difference between having a mouthful of baby teeth yanked and dentures made verses toothpaste and bathroom cleaner over 5 years time.

7. Kids will wait until the last possible moment to pee or poop. If you are leaving, and attempting to be proactive by having them all use the bathroom, it doesn't matter. One or all of the children will inevitably have to pee. And it always comes right when the meal at a restaurant is delivered to your table, you just got into a swimming pool, you just waited in a 45 minute line for an event and finally maneuvered through a very large crowd to find your seats...OR..you just got 5 minutes down the highway on a 5 hour road trip. And, if you are lucky enough to have more than one child requiring full time attention, you get to take them all to the restroom, no matter where you are or how filthy it might be once you get inside. I think most of my trips out of the house are planned around toilet breaks and whose restrooms are the cleanliest.

(still part of #7) And why can't a child dry themselves off when exiting a swimming pool in the quick attempt to get to the toilet before peeing themselves? I mean, if you know 'its' coming, stop doing the potty dance while grabbing yourself and get the flip out of the pool! Grab a towel, dry yourself from the hair down and properly remove your swim suit after entering the bathroom AND, before sitting yourself on the toilet. Wet toilet seats in public places gross me out enough. I'd rather not see that at home and think that someone might have just urinated all over the seat and left it there.

8. Kids don't see the multi-purpose function of a Happy Meal box or kid's meal sack. Sure, it has Littlest Pet Shop and Iron Man printed all over the sides, it is even perforated for your paper ripping pleasure, but really kids...it's dual purpose is a trash receptacle for your garbage when you are done shoveling down the fries, dropping half of the 4 puny little honey mustard laden nuggets on the carpet in the vehicle while you are too enthralled with 101 Dalmations on the DVD player. Not to mention, it would be really nice, if you could keep the straw that I thought would help aide in consuming your chocolate milk, in the bottle itself, rather than painting the windows. Chocolate milk is not a water color. It doesn't make a pretty rainbow when it dries. But you probably already know this since you tried to lick it off so that I didn't see what you were doing as I glared back in the rear-view mirror. A Happy Meal would make even mom 'Happy' if the child could manage to put the fry wrapper, honey mustard container, nugget box, empty drink container, straw and toy wrapper BACK IN THE BOX and carry it with you before departing the vehicle.

9. Kids become really helpless when they know you are close and listening. It's amazing how their legs shut down on a swing, when you just sit down on the bench to read a book. Or how they forget to check the toilet paper roll before they sit down. They forget to put their finished plates in the sink, shut off lights, close doors, make beds, put the dirty laundry where it belongs, turn off the television and handheld devices, and the list goes on...the patience thins...the entrance to the padded cell gets closer.
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This summer hasn't been so much realization for me, as it has been a test of my patience and endurance. When I was pregnant with our twins, my mom told me that this is exactly what I needed. I thought she was nuts. She said, and I knew she was right when she said it but would not have admitted to agreeing with her, 'that I did not have a lot of patience for anyone. My tolerance for learning, taking the time to have others teach me something or give me criticism was not there. My patience for accepting others help was not there because I was a bit of a perfectionist and GOD forbid, they didn't do it MY way. I was impatient and I took this frustration out on others unknowingly.' Perfect recipe for a mom-to-be.

My mother was never more right when she said having twins was exactly what I needed. Add to that, a 3rd child two years later. And to think five years after the first two were born, I took on 6 children. I know there were moments when maybe the neighbors heard me at the top of my lungs but, I don't believe if you asked one of the kids what they remembered about their summer, it would be that mommy/auntie screamed a few times.

They had fun. I had fun. They learned a lot. And I learned more. I learned patience. I learned to pick my battles and arguments. I learned, at 38, when you stop arguing and start listening, children will listen to you. They learned to assess a situation and find their own solutions before tattling. They learned that 5 minutes IS a long time out when you are stuck in the laundry room corner, staring at the spider webs on the window panes and your other 5 cousins are playing outside. They learned that Johnson and Johnson smeared over the lips wasn't worth getting the last word and that it doesn't make the cool bubbles like it does in the bath tub. I learned that children are listening, even when you think they are not. I might have eyes in the back of my head, but they have the hearing of a bat and can repeat even the slightest conversation, verbatim. Curse words clear as day.

I got more than I bargained for this summer with three extra kids. I got a free early childhood development crash course and life's lessons re-learned. It was no vacation overseas and somedays it was no day at the beach, but as a mom who is about
head back into the working world outside of the home, I soaked up every minute of the spunk and vigor of 6 kids who have a voracious zest for life.