It's Not Thanksgiving Yet, But I Got a Bun in the Oven

I'll call this my 'catch-you-up' blog because I've been 'busy.' Time flies. Yes, my summer was fun. And it definitely was a busy one. We'll blame that for my lack of blogging. The first of June started swim lessons for all three kids. I think I paid a fortune for them to relearn what they learned last summer. They enjoyed it, and they do believe they can swim (all 3 resemble a cat being thrown in), but all three will still not stick their heads under water when doing any stroke. We've decided a lake, some life jackets and a few tosses off a boat might be a better and cheaper alternative. This is how my husband and I both learned.

We had out of town family staying with us the beginning of July and enjoyed a wonderful fireworks celebration with extended family at our house. In that same time period, we buried my father's ashes and it was well past the appropriate time considering he'll have passed 3 years ago last week. He was probably getting tired of sitting on a dresser, in a box.

Then mid July arrived and because I promised my husband that as soon as our 3 kids were all potty-trained we'd go camping, I had to bite the bullet and give in this summer. I have to admit, I was a bit excited about this trip because it's the first vacation our family has taken together which has been longer than a weekend trip. It was a 10 day trip out west. We drove the entire trip and miraculously all survived. We saw some of the most beautiful sites and had some really excellent family time together. It was thrilling to experience those places for myself for the first time, but to see our kids reactions to them was even more amazing. It was a great family vacation and despite some really cold nights camping, I'd do it again. One condition...the bathroom would once again have to be located 30 feet from our tent and have running water and a heater. I totally lucked out on the camping slot my husband reserved! And luckily, only 3 of the 9 nights were spent sleeping in a tent with freezing temperatures.

Then August came and we started preparations for school. I couldn't wait to finally get all 3 in school full time. I was weighing my options in regards to returning to work. I spent some time digging out my resume, which hadn't seen the light of day for almost 7 years. I was trying to figure out how to creatively add that for the past 7 years, I was a stay at home mom. I carried babies in-utero for 18 months of those years. I breast fed, changed diapers, potty trained, played dollies and choo-choo and tea party and made tents in the living room. How does one make that sound constructive on a resume? I was also dealing with the idea that I wasn't ready to give up being such a large part of my kids lives. If I went back to work, I wouldn't be able to take them to all of their activities. I wouldn't be making healthy meals and snacks and making sure they got enough sleep, and that they were washing their hands while singing the alphabet twice. If I went back to work full-time, I'd have to pay for before and after care at two schools. If I worked part-time, I'd have to really negotiate hours between 9 AM and 2 PM so I could get our children off to school and also be home when they arrived. All of these things were weighing on me. I thought about just renewing my substitute teaching certificate and working just a few days a week. I'd have to employ a sitter or beg my mom to be home when the kids arrived home. None of the scheduling seemed easy, but I was ready and adamant about my return to work.

So, a few days before school started, I decided to take the kids on a run to the mall for some last minute school clothes. The new socks, undies and blue jeans they'd blow out of in 2 months time. I hadn't been feeling all that spectacular for the past week, under the weather. And for some reason on the ride to the mall, with all 3 kids in tow, I realized I was 2 days late. I wasn't freaking yet. I thought back to the month before. We were on vacation. I had the monthly visitor, but it was a light one and I chalked it up to dehydration in Yellowstone. But two days late is something I wasn't going to dismiss. Made a quick stop at the Walgreen's with all 3 kids because you can't just leave them in the van because DCFS is always watching. Get the goods and head back to the van and off to the mall. Must pee. Headed to the JCPenney bathroom with all 3 kids and my 2 pee stick tests. Asked all three kids to hold the wall up outside the bathroom so they wouldn't be wandering and peeking under the doors. I hung my purse over the door so they weren't trying to investigate my business. Peed. Waited. And sure enough.

So, with my 40th birthday approaching at the end of this year, I am getting one hell of a present, and he/she will be arriving right along with the Easter Bunny. This was totally not planned and we 'were done.' But 'someone' never did his part in making it final. So, along with the birth of our 4th child, I will be taking care of that business too. We should know the sex before my birthday. And because we've gotten rid of every last baby item except for a convertible toddler crib, a cheap training potty and one probably outdated car seat, there has been chatter amongst family and friends about a shower. I'm thinking I should just combine my 40th birthday and a shower. I may not have any energy in my third trimester for celebrations. I certainly don't seem to have any now. I'm passing out at 8:30 PM in our recliner, waking up at 11 PM and then having to watch late night tv just to fall asleep again. And, then I get up to pee every 2 hours, like clockwork, whether I drink anything or not.

I forgot what it was like to go to the OB/Gyn for the routine pregnancy check-ups. I can't believe our youngest will be 5. See my previous blog on all the things no one tells you before you have kids..and all the things you forget until you are abruptly reminded once you start going back on a monthly basis. My first sono was an internal with the 'magic wand'...that right there was a nice awakening to what's in store for me over the next several months.

If I haven't said it yet, I'm excited. I feel confident about this pregnancy. We've got three kids in school full-time and they are all pretty self-sufficient and I can pat myself on the back for that. Bring on #4! And I'm taking names and numbers for those wanting diaper duty and anyone wanting to come wash a few loads of laundry..or perhaps whip up dinner and do the dishes..?

Next blog: Wishful Thinking.

Duck Bills...And Other Vanity Sucking Experiences

If you are a woman that's been for a visit to an Ob/Gyn doc, then you will be able to relate. It took me a few visits to get used to my Obstetrician when I first started going to him about 14 years ago. Yes, it's a guy doctor and at first I wasn't sure about having some male, other than my husband down in the woman parts. But, after some reassurance he sees MANY 'va-jay-jays' (thanks Oprah) in a day, and 3 kids later, we have a pretty open doctor/patient relationship and I've really come to trust him and his staff. But, no matter how comfortable I am with them, the following is a list, probably unfinished, of items and experiences that always make me sweaty and uncomfortable when visiting.


1. Internal Ultrasound Transducer. Quite the name for a wand with a camera that seems like the length of my arm, which gets covered in a condom and warm jelly-like lube and shoved up the you know what for a looksie. First time I was told I needed an internal ultrasound I thought..'oh, no big deal' until I saw this 'not-vibrator' looking thing coming at my woman parts. I've named it the magic wand only because I've gotten to see that I was having twins and with our second pregnancy that we were having a boy. There really is nothing magical about it because it really sucks the vanity right out of you.


2. Getting weighed. I am not sure if I'm the only one that does this but I make sure I drop my purse because it's probably 20 pounds and I also remove shoes if they aren't flip flops or flats. I'm sure it doesn't make a huge difference because I'm already overweight and have been for my pregnancies, but for some reason, it makes me feel better to shed the purse and shoes. If I was getting weighed in the exam room, I'd probably request to shed my clothes too, but those paper gowns do not cover much.

3. Speaking of paper gowns. When I go for exams, they nurse is kind enough to leave me a gown that opens in the front AND a folded paper sheet. Now the gown is to be left open in the front for breast exam purpose and the sheet is to be placed over the legs and give me some reassurance that I'll remain private for the 2 minutes of small talk before I get to lay down and spread eagle. Let me tell you something about that sheet. It is probably the size of a 72 x 108" tablecloth. Now, I'll do the math for you and let you know that even though I'm overweight, I'm not 9 feet wide or long, so that paper sheet is entirely too big. And figuring out how to appropriately arrange it over my legs and waist area so that it doesn't slide off is a challenge. I usually end up tucking most of it under my butt or wrapping it around like a skirt and then getting stuck in it when I try to lay down after the doctor is ready for the exam.

4. The duck bills. Here's a TMI tidbit for you. I was told I have a tilted uterus. Obviously, it's not been a problem in getting pregnant, but as anyone having sex knows, body parts bend and adapt and hooray for that! Duck bills do not. They are metal, slid in until adjusted appropriately, for what seems like the world to get a good view, and then for that 20 seconds of cranking them open so that the doc can get his specimen, my mind MUST escape to La-La Land because I think this is the worst part of any exam I've had. Granted, I've not been for a colonoscopy yet. I'm pretty sure that will be it's own blog.

5. Sample urine cups seem to be another challenge for me. There are two kinds of sample urine cups. There is a clean catch urine package that you get sometimes and then there are routine OB sample cups. The clean catch is a little package with 3 wipes, a cup with a removable lip making sure you catch all the urine and a lid for when you are finished. That doesn't seem all that confusing except for the three wipes. Now I always shower before going to a doctor appointment, but I can't confirm that of others. Until someone explained that the three wipes were for right side of your bottom, left side and down the middle, I had no idea other than they wanted you to be REALLY clean before peeing into that cup. Thank goodness I've had years of practice squatting over dirty college toilets, campground compost pots and even in the woods a few times. I know exactly where my parts are and how they work and have no issues making it into a hole the size of a 5 gallon bucket, BUT....they ask you to pee just a little, THEN hold the cup under the urine stream and catch a good lot of it. Try not peeing on your hand. Really. And then you have to set the open cup somewhere so you can wipe, praying it doesn't spill because you only have so much pee in the bladder. Yes, it's a challenge for me.

6. Breast exams. I hope you do your home checks once a month. I've had two fibroid cyst scares and if you've ever had to go to the Komen Center (or a breast/cancer treatment center) for a sonogram or follow-up, you'll know why it's extremely important to check the girls! But, as for the office check, I'm extremely ticklish. So, having someone get anywhere near my armpits or in that area to check lymph nodes or breast tissue makes me giggle uncontrollably. My doc probably thinks I'm a bit strange, but I can't be the only ticklish person, right? I should thank goodness I'm not ticklish down yonder! That would not only be strangely weird, but most definitely uncomfortable.

7. Running into people you know. I hate this. My doctor is fairly popular in the medical area in which we live which means he sees a lot of people. I've run into many people I've known or my family or friends know in some capacity. And then comes the wondering.. 'hmmm..wonder why she's here?' Call me nosey and paranoid..but for some reason my mind flips through the possible reasons..routine exam?, follow-up exam?, abnormal test results? AND the best one of all ...'IS SHE PREGNANT?' OOOOHHHH...wouldn't that be some juicy news!!??? Why do I think those things about others if I don't want them surmising about my health? Anyway, I keep my head low and pretend I don't see anyone and pray no one asks...'so what brings you here?'

8. Blood pressure check. If the idea of this doesn't increase your blood pressure just a wee bit, then kudos to you. But, just the thought of getting it checked, raises mine. And, usually mine is also affected by what I did before getting to the appointment..argument with the kids before school..running late to my appointment and having just totally hoofed it through the parking lot because I'm late..worrying about that weight check....seeing the duck bills laying out on a tray with a large tube of lube and surgical gloves.. Yeah..those things make my blood pressure spike. I've learned to ask for them to check it before I leave. I also practice slow and concentrated breathing with eyes closed before I have this done. It does calm me and and my blood pressure has always been in normal range, even when pregnant and totally bloated. I highly suggest the breathing.

9. Lastly, there is this artwork on the walls of my doctor's exam rooms. Normally, I wouldn't comment on the decor of a doctor's office as it's usually pretty much the same....some framed degrees or certification, maybe some posters of pro-active healthy ways, and maybe some advertising for new medications. But, along with these in my doctor's exam rooms, are these posters of what appears to be the story of Little Red Riding Hood. I'm not sure the artist and I have requested my doc find new art. I'd even settle for the Anne Geddes babies. What freaks me out are the ones where there is a wolf's mouth dripping blood. Now, I think the wolf has attacked other animals or at least that is what I tell myself, but there should be no dripping blood in any picture on on any doctor's wall, let alone my OB's! Just my opinion.

Best wishes on a comfortable and happy pap! Guys...you have nothing on us by bending over and coughing. Trust me.

"Grow Dammit"

It is the first day of summer for our family. I think the 'official' first day of summer does not actually occur until June 21st, or so I was informed by one of our mouthy and yet very informative 6 year olds. But for me, it starts today.

Summer has begun because:

1. It's 7:06 AM and the only person moving, other than myself, is my husband who has to go to work. I thought for sure the 3 youngsters would be poking my face at 5:15 AM for Cocoa Krispies or a 7-course breakfast, because they didn't have to actually make the bus this morning. I was wrong. The only thing waking me up that early was my bladder and an uneven ceiling fan.

2. Yesterday it was over 90 degrees. We picked Memorial Day to do our first 'family' togetherness activity of this summer. And it involved over an hour long drive, ticks, poison ivy, water and mud. One of those trips where you wish you had a portable shower hose and a washing machine in tow. And of course, it's one of the hottest days this season so far. I believe we hit another 90 degree day a few weeks ago, but that was a fluke. If I actually stay on top of it and keep my blog up this summer, you will soon know I'm far from loving the heat of summer. I prefer a nice 72 degrees with a breeze. The kind of weather where you can keep the windows open. I will suffer between 72 and 80 if I'm home with the kids, unless the humidity is high. High humidity and temps above 80 warrant the AC or mommy gets snippy. (On a side note..that family trip yesterday was actually really fun, minus the laundry, and the smelly, mud-covered and whining kids on the ride home. But we were all just worn out and exhausted.)

3. I haven't been downstairs yet, but I know what awaits me on the desk in the kitchen. A gigantic stack of, "Here mom. These are all our papers from the entire school year. Don't throw them away because there is stuff you have to read and send back before next year, but I'm not sure where they are in this pile or what color they are.' Me: "Oh great! Thanks!" (Insert huge eye roll) I just know the pile is high enough to take me at least an hour, if not longer. Oh..and I completely forgot about cleaning out backpacks, art boxes and lunch boxes. But, and I'll have to remember to thank her later, one of my daughters donated all her leftover school supplies (which I'm assuming would be crusty hard Elmer's, broken crayon nibs and a couple pencils the size of a finger, minus the erasers) and her gym shoes to children in Haiti. They ought to be thankful. Doubtful.

4. We have 'the' upcoming dance recital. This involves two 6 year olds, 4 costumes with hair pieces, tutus, pins, feathers, tails, gloves and 4 pair of shoes of differing sizes per each child. Oh! And let's not forget the make-up! We need blush, eyebrow pencil, eye shadow and bright lipstick so they can kiss and wipe their lips on those pretty white gloves right before they go out on stage. We will be having our hair stylist fix their hair because mommy just can't make 100 curls on each head and shellac as she goes and not burn someone. It's worth the trip into town to have this done for recital night. I'm contemplating wigs for rehearsal night, since this is also 'picture' night because I'm cheap and only want to pay once for the 'recital do.' This also involves one sweaty mommy who probably will not get to enjoy the show, a lot of 'just put this on and don't complain' and in-laws. The in-laws are not a huge problem because my husband will be entertaining them and driving them around, but it's that little whisper in the back of my head that questions, "Did I wash the extra sheets, wipe the toothpaste off the bathroom sink, clean the slimy-soapy-kid-ring around the tub and did I remember to take out dinner from the freezer?"

5. The house is a disaster of laundry, dust, dirty dishes from the weekend, carpet that needs a good vacuuming and bathroom sinks, toilets and tubs that need some attention. These last few weeks of school had me baking, running kids, finishing sports, attending final practices, awards assemblies and end of the year picnics. I was also mailing out graduation cards, reworking wardrobes so kids would have summer clothes and swimsuits which covered their ever-growing legs, arms and torsos. So the house went by the way-side. It warrants some attention. I am thankful I have 3 little helpers, unbeknownst to them. They can maneuver a Swiffer Duster, unload a dishwasher, empty the dryer into baskets and put folded laundry away. And I just bought some Green Wipes so they can clean up their own nastiness left in the bathroom sinks. My mom once told me (jokingly I always assumed) that she and my dad had kids so we could clean the house as we got older. I am starting to understand that train of thought while I see the destruction of our house and how filthy it can get in one day.

6. My body is never ready for swimsuit weather and I don't know why I kid myself into thinking this flab of skin from 2 c-sections is going to magically disappear one morning. My butt, thighs and inner tube below the boobs is my own doing, but the panis..(yes, that is a word) is my kids doing..and inadvertently, my husband's.

7. We built 4 raised garden beds this spring. We hauled in dirt and compost, seeds and plants. I'm anxiously awaiting that first 'ripe' ANYTHING. I want to pick SOMETHING! I want to take a photo of it and brag to neighbors and friends and say, "neener neener neener! I didn't pay $2 for this red pepper!" But, I can't pick the herbs, even though they are producing because I want the plants to get bigger. And I can't pick any veggies yet. None are ripe. There are green tomatoes and lots of blooms, but I will wait until they are big and full of color. And I'm hoping our pepper plants make it. Something has found them and is eating the leaves. It's time to fight back and put out something nasty that the little critters (and possibly big ones) don't care for because I'd like to have a plants left and not just stems. The recent rain (or monsoon, depending on your location) is helping the plants along and our kids are elated that the entire packet of seeds they've planted in their little pots on the deck are producing about 50 sprouts. I don't have the heart to tell them they are going to choke themselves. We need to transplant them to the garden soon. I am extremely impatient and really want to make some fresh salsa or grill some peppers or eggplant. The waiting is difficult and I just want things to GROW DAMMIT!

Perhaps while I'm cleaning house, running kids to swim lessons, attending summer reading programs, or sweating myself making pretty patterns in the lawn on our Cub Cadet, the garden will grow? Actually, that is my fear. It's all going to produce at once and I'm going to be crazy woman putting away vegetables. I will then be unable to keep up with them, the weeds and the house which only remains clean for about 1 minute and the laundry which is only caught up until someone showers!

How many days till autumn? I guess I'll ask one of my, all-knowing, 6 year olds.

Dang, it's been way too long!

"2011"..The year of 'the small stuff.'

Yep, it's the New Year and I finally have a few minutes to myself where I'm not dead tired or have 10 other pressing items on the agenda. I did not do a traditional resolutions list; rather I've decided to just appreciate the small stuff and try not to sweat what seems to be out of my hands.

Small stuff on my mind...taking up a lot of space...

1. My grandmother was laid to rest last year on a beautiful, blustery, blizzard-like day. Grandma's Will gets read this weekend amongst my mother and her siblings. I have a feeling some 'stuff' will hit the fan. No big deal. I wasn't invited and I should not sweat this as it does not involve me. I sit wrapped up in a blanket she sewed personally, just for me. This makes me happy.

2. My mother got engaged to a great guy over holidays last year. I will gain a stepfather. I will still call him by his first name as that seems most appropriate to me, although my kids have asked to call him 'grandpa.' It's hard to juggle the emotions I'm having with a man who has taken over every role my father had in my life, other than being 'my dad.' He will never be that person. I'm letting him into my life as much as I possibly can, while realizing he brings to the table his own family. It's like the Brady Bunch, but the kids are all grown up with kids of their own, and the bride and groom are retirees.

3. I graduated to a smart phone this month. I think it might just be smarter than me, but it is pretty kick-ass in it's abilities. I think the swankiest of its features has to be that I can access the internet ANYWHERE. I have not yet been to BFE to test this theory of mine, but I'm pretty sure it would reach there too. One of the most disturbing features is that the GPS locator can pin-point me almost to the toilet I would be sitting on, if I were to have to the phone with me on one of those necessary trips. No one needs to know this business. Nor will I ever allow the phone to 'track' where I'm at by posting it on Facebook. You need not know I just sat down at my local jaunt for a burger or a beer. BUT, if I'm ever lost at sea or kidnapped, I will be sure and use that feature.

4. The Flu Shot. I will not doing that next year. I had one child throwing up for entire week over the winter. Then I got it. Sore throat, chills, fever that went up and down as fast as the Ibuprofen worked or wore off, and raging ear infections; causing temporary loss of hearing. And then it happened. I was at the toilet for an entire day and a half. And I was so weak, my husband had to walk me back to the bed. I was useless for 4 days. As a mom and wife, I think 4 days might be the max time that you can take off without the children and husband moving in to the bedroom with you. It was nice to have meals brought to me. It was nice to take long, much needed naps and watch Netflix without interruption. It was nice to have antibiotics that WORK. But it is even nicer to NOT BE SICK and uncontrollably puking up...nothing! So, having previously tested the 'no flu shot' theory, and not getting sick, I think I will tempt that fate again next year. I do love fruits, veggies, my vitamins and hand sanitizer and will take my chances.

5. Our basement has acquired a really nice treadmill. It sits right in front of the 'big' tv down there. I intend to use this machine before summer. If I have time to blog, I have time to sweat, right? I need to figure out how to mount my laptop on that sweat machine.

6. We are at the last of the logs on our dwindling wood pile in the back yard. I have LOVED having a fireplace. I am still building fires in it as much as the weather allows or until the wood totally runs out. I will miss the crackle and the warmth it gives. I will admit to getting antsy for spring only because I miss the smell of crumbly turned dirt in a fresh tilled garden and the fresh veggies it will produce. I will have a garden this year. Oh..and I miss the geese and goslings that trek through our yard from pond to pond on their daily morning walk. That should be happening again soon.

7. I despise getting the mail. It is 98% bills and junk. I have one friend (a friend since high school) that is stationed in Afghanistan with whom I correspond regularly. I look forward to his letters for two reasons. I enjoy reading them because it keeps my stress in check after reading what he deals with on a daily basis. Secondly, it lets me know he's still alive. Being alive and free is NOT small stuff. It's big stuff for which to be quite thankful and happy. His letters put perspective on my life. In other 'mail' news, I got some coupons from Kroger for FREE food. In actuality, I probably paid for these items, 3 times over in what I spend there on a regular basis, but yesterday I got free butter, eggs, chips and ice cream and I was QUITE happy! Not the healthiest combo of free items, but a couple staples we can always use, and the ice cream made made the whole family happy.

The rest of my small stuff..in Cliff Notes form. Try to follow along..

My sister has a new boyfriend. She's an adult and I should not worry. I really shouldn't.

Our favorite place to take swim lessons won't be happening this summer, due to unforeseen circumstances and now I'm scrambling to find something new where our clingy child won't cry every day. I am happy all 3 kiddos do get in the water
without kicking them in (ok..not really) which didn't happen 2 years ago.

We also seem to be stuck between two park districts for children's summer sports options. We would pay 'non-resident' for either option, but that extra $5 seems to feel like the 'we don't belong' tax. Or perhaps the price one pays to not live in 'the city?'

I finally got much needed NEW bras and I will say my upper body is much happier these days.

It really is the small stuff. It fills our minds. It may or may not seem significant in the minds of others, but it's what consumes that extra space in our head. I feel pounds lighter after sharing. But I'll keep the treadmill around for the hips, thighs and rear.

Happy New Year!!...2 months late...but who cares, right?