"Nuttin' for Christmas!"

Our 3 year old was showing his age today. And I was showing my 'I grew up in the 70s, got spanked and turned out just fine' self.

I picked up my son from school this morning and asked him if he'd like to be my date for lunch. I had to return something to Old Navy, so we went to Steak and Shake after. Got a shake for he and I to split. I got him his meal of choice, complete with cardboard car, hat, crayons...etc. The meal went fine. He didn't eat much of his hot dog, but finished off his mandarin oranges and shake and fries that we split. So, he asks for a quarter for the crap machine at the front while I pay. Ok, fine. He was pretty good. He waited for me to pay so I could help him with the machine. 'HE' picked the candy he wanted. Chewy Sweet Tarts. When I went to give him the handful that was dispensed, he FREAKED. On the floor FREAKED. I calmed him down enough to ask him what was the problem.

Get this...There were not enough in the handful! He thought he was going to get more. He threw a total and complete fit in the lobby by the cash registers. I drug him to the foyer between the doors and spanked his butt. He threw another fit and was on the floor rolling around. People could not get in or out of the restaurant. The flow of traffic was at a standstill while we seemingly duked it out on the white tile. I picked him up and took him outside. He wretched himself away (I had his gloves, hat, my gloves, a purse and his cardboard car in my hands) and started yelling at me and throwing his fists. All the while, an older lady was being picked up at the door and was watching this 3 year old talk to his mother like she was the wicked step-monster from HELL.

Finally I picked him up like a sack of Morton Salt (which btw always feels like more than a 40 pound bag that I would never attempt to lift above my waist), threw him over my shoulder, and quickly took him to our van. Thank GOD for key fabs and auto slide doors. I put him in the van, spanked him once again for the performance in front of the older woman and who I'll assume to have been her husband, and then wrestled him into the carseat. I had to do the '2 year old, elbow in crotch routine.' If you are parent reading this, you know to what I'm referring. He cried and screamed, kicking his shoes and socks off and proceeded to puke all over his car seat straps and himself. I got home and left him in the van for a few minutes while I got my breath. I counted to 100 instead of 10 this time. I went back out and he was full of vomit. I keep a roll of paper towels, a can of Lysol and Wet Wipes in the van at all times. I cleaned that mess up. Took him immediately to the laundry room, stripped him down and sent him upstairs with just his undies on. He went pee all the while STILL yelling at me about this sugary blasted candy from which he felt he was jipped. Finally I had ENOUGH. Pulled the undies down..3 firm whacks to the butt and he FINALLY was quiet.

Washed him up, made him brush his teeth, I put fresh clothes on him, then I put him in bed. I asked him if he was ready to talk. I did the whole speech about not liking his behavior, but always loving him. We talked about what was wrong behavior and right behavior while we are in public. He apologized and said he still wanted his candy.

Um..HELL NO! I gave him a kiss and a hug. Gave him his snuggle blanket, his dog Scruffy and I told him to take a nap and wake up happier.

OMG..BAD LUNCH! It will be a while before I go out with that date again!