So, over a week ago, my grandma landed herself on a little road trip in an ambulance to OSF. She took a nasty spill and although OSF staff was aggressive in their approach and with best of intentions to get her well, it wasn't the TLC she needed. She subconsciously (or maybe not?) decided to shut down while there and refused to eat. There was actually no TLC being given out freely and so family decided to just get her home. I spent every morning up there with her last week, just holding her hand and hoping she'd make it out of there. She is the matriarch to the maternal side of my extended family and I can't imagine not having her present in our lives.
That being said, I did not exercise. I flubbed on my running and every day I woke up, I'd feel the guilt and the aches in my knees and feet from NOT going. We battled sickness at our house the week before my grandmother's fall and then this past weekend, it crept back in. Fall and spring are HUGE allergy seasons and I fall prey. I take prescription medications to control allergy induced asthma breathing issues, but it seems the slightest germ brought home or slightly cool night with the window cracked, wakes me up with the worst of sore throats, runny nose, watery eyes and a crap-shot day. I decided that even with the seasonal issues, I would at the least, WALK. Just doing this takes a mental shove to get me out the door.
I'm not lazy. I'm on the 'go' quite a bit. But these past two weeks I seem to be full of excuses. Life seems overwhelming in trying to fit it all in and be happy with myself at the end of the day. Husband has been out of town on business since Sunday, so kiddie care has been all me and if this does not suck the life out of momma, I have no idea what does. It does make my running routine in the morning seem like a breeze compared to the witching hours in the afternoon, when I can do nothing right according to our kids.
I haven't blogged much since I had my 'gung-ho' exercise posts. I am going to stick with it, but I do think it would be easier if someone just drug my ass, lassoed, through the Steamboat Classic by horse. I think I need someone to take photos of my body in tight clothing, print about 100 of these off and tape them everywhere. Bedroom closet door. Bathroom mirror. Dashboard in my van. Laundry room. And of course, the pantry and refrigerator doors.
Tomorrow will be the 2nd Anniversary of my father's passing and according to some people, the feelings of sadness fade. I have yet to experience the day just being glossed over by the craziness of normal routine. Maybe that happens in the 8th, 9th or 15th year? I find myself reliving those last moments and I just wish we could skip tomorrow altogether.
Some uplifting news.. I'm going to see Bob Dylan this Friday (something my father would have enjoyed) and I can barely contain my excitement over this.
And I was looking for an appropriate song to end this blog entry, but since youtube snatches up all the good 'Bob' videos and knocks out the audio (per his request), I'm going with a quote. I love Bob Dylan's writing style, dry and plain as it can be. His lyrics are like no other and the minimalist way he voices himself, not to mention his lips on a harmonica or his fingers picking a stringed instrument, makes him the musical deity that has my proverbial panties in a bunch!
"I'm just glad to be feeling better. I really thought I'd be seeing Elvis soon."
Bob Dylan
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
St. Francis Medical Center, You're Housekeeping Sucks!
My grandmother came by ambulance to the OSF (Saint Francis) Emergency Room Saturday afternoon after a nasty spill.
The first day I visited, the day she was admitted, I parked in the deck and walked in expecting to hitch a ride on the hall trolley to the old admitting area and ask where I could find her. But when I walked in, the hall to the new Children's Hospital was open and I was told I could ask at their new admitting desk. So, I walked the hallway noticing vibrant colors, a new gift shop (mainly for children) and how beautiful the floors looked and how clean the windows were. When I got to the desk, they said she was still in a room in the ER and a staff member from admitting, offered to personally escort me to her room. Again, more very vibrant colors, clean hallways, sterile environment and no funky smells. As it is generally understood...what a hospital should be!
Yesterday...
When I visited, I was there in the afternoon around 3 PM to 5 PM and had noticed the floors were dirty and there was some nasty unidentifiable stuff on the privacy curtain near the lower right corner. The most noticeable flaw with housekeeping was the stench I was smelling. Supposedly, the staff had her out of bed to use a commode and had not emptied it. So, there it sat, in the corner of her room (and they aren't big rooms!) and it STUNK. Badly. I did mention it when the charge nurse was in and she got another nurse to empty the pan and change the padding under my grandmother in her bed. The nursing staff was attentive to her needs and because of her reason for being on that floor. However, the housekeeping staff, I never saw.
Today's visit...
My grandmother is, to my understanding, on an intermediate neurology floor. I took the 'C' Elevator (outside the main gift shop) to the 3rd Floor. According to the nurse caring for my grandmother, on the shift in which I visited today, there were 16 beds on that hall which were filled, housekeeping should have been by already. There were 2 employees appropriated for bathing all 16 of those patients, which should happen in the morning hours. According to a relative who had stayed in the room with my grandmother overnight, someone had come in and emptied the trash, but had done nothing else to clean the room. My relative had been using their own Clorox Wipes to wipe off the bedside table, the arms and safety rungs of the bed, the visitors chairs (which turned the Clorox Wipes black!) and really awful areas of the floor which had not been attended to since they had arrived the night before. I had not visited the bathroom, as it said 'patients only' on a sign on the door, but I did use the hand sanitizer on the wall every time I got up or left and came back into the room. And I took my clothes off in our laundry room when I got home before entering the rest of our house and exposing our children to what I encountered. Need I say more about house cleaning?
I received a phone call from the relative who remained with my grandmother after I left and they said she had been moved to another room on that floor, one with a lesser need for observation (no monitor hook-ups) and that the room was a bit cleaner. There were no obvious stains on the floor. They were hoping to have her up and walking and would bathe her in her new room after that. I certainly hope housekeeping gets to the last room before they fill her bed again! Oh..and don't forget to change the sheets. Her head injury was oozing (as is normal I was assured) and the pillow cases (on two of the pillows) had quite obviously not been changed today. I realize it is not the nursing staff's job to maintain cleanliness in the room, however, I don't see it as 'healthy' to try and treat a patient in a filthy environment.
I'm sure there will be a review filled out before she leaves and I hope my grandmother's Durable Power of Healthcare let's the house keeping staff know how disappointed we have been.
The first day I visited, the day she was admitted, I parked in the deck and walked in expecting to hitch a ride on the hall trolley to the old admitting area and ask where I could find her. But when I walked in, the hall to the new Children's Hospital was open and I was told I could ask at their new admitting desk. So, I walked the hallway noticing vibrant colors, a new gift shop (mainly for children) and how beautiful the floors looked and how clean the windows were. When I got to the desk, they said she was still in a room in the ER and a staff member from admitting, offered to personally escort me to her room. Again, more very vibrant colors, clean hallways, sterile environment and no funky smells. As it is generally understood...what a hospital should be!
Yesterday...
When I visited, I was there in the afternoon around 3 PM to 5 PM and had noticed the floors were dirty and there was some nasty unidentifiable stuff on the privacy curtain near the lower right corner. The most noticeable flaw with housekeeping was the stench I was smelling. Supposedly, the staff had her out of bed to use a commode and had not emptied it. So, there it sat, in the corner of her room (and they aren't big rooms!) and it STUNK. Badly. I did mention it when the charge nurse was in and she got another nurse to empty the pan and change the padding under my grandmother in her bed. The nursing staff was attentive to her needs and because of her reason for being on that floor. However, the housekeeping staff, I never saw.
Today's visit...
My grandmother is, to my understanding, on an intermediate neurology floor. I took the 'C' Elevator (outside the main gift shop) to the 3rd Floor. According to the nurse caring for my grandmother, on the shift in which I visited today, there were 16 beds on that hall which were filled, housekeeping should have been by already. There were 2 employees appropriated for bathing all 16 of those patients, which should happen in the morning hours. According to a relative who had stayed in the room with my grandmother overnight, someone had come in and emptied the trash, but had done nothing else to clean the room. My relative had been using their own Clorox Wipes to wipe off the bedside table, the arms and safety rungs of the bed, the visitors chairs (which turned the Clorox Wipes black!) and really awful areas of the floor which had not been attended to since they had arrived the night before. I had not visited the bathroom, as it said 'patients only' on a sign on the door, but I did use the hand sanitizer on the wall every time I got up or left and came back into the room. And I took my clothes off in our laundry room when I got home before entering the rest of our house and exposing our children to what I encountered. Need I say more about house cleaning?
I received a phone call from the relative who remained with my grandmother after I left and they said she had been moved to another room on that floor, one with a lesser need for observation (no monitor hook-ups) and that the room was a bit cleaner. There were no obvious stains on the floor. They were hoping to have her up and walking and would bathe her in her new room after that. I certainly hope housekeeping gets to the last room before they fill her bed again! Oh..and don't forget to change the sheets. Her head injury was oozing (as is normal I was assured) and the pillow cases (on two of the pillows) had quite obviously not been changed today. I realize it is not the nursing staff's job to maintain cleanliness in the room, however, I don't see it as 'healthy' to try and treat a patient in a filthy environment.
I'm sure there will be a review filled out before she leaves and I hope my grandmother's Durable Power of Healthcare let's the house keeping staff know how disappointed we have been.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Awake And Moving on Day 2!
And I'm not going to post progress every day, but I wanted to share my first day up until now.
I was in massive pain when I got home yesterday morning, despite the 'woo-hoo' feelings that I actually made it. Every 'ka-thud' to the ground with one foot, leg, hip and belly jiggle while running had lent itself to the hurt I was feeling yesterday for most of the day. I fell asleep yesterday afternoon and woke up a half hour later feeling rested. And then a shower before dinner helped to revive me too. I had a major sciatic issue (must get fitted for GOOD shoes!) and all I could think about every time I went up and down our stairs was how bad my the left side of my butt hurt. But, I took it easy, hydrated throughout the day, made an awesome dinner and did not eat anymore after 7 PM. I even went to bed fairly early (for me) because I just couldn't keep my head up.
Woke up this morning and am feeling better. Sciatic pain is someone gone or 'in hiding' and I'll be happy if it hides all day. I have a house to vacuum and if I do it the right way, with edging and vacuuming vents, corners of walls and moving furniture, I will have had a good workout. I will take my son out on his bike this afternoon and I will walk. I'm not going to overdue it, but I don't want to wake tomorrow and be curled in a fetal position.
Need some water.
And thanks for all the wonderfully supportive messages yesterday. :-)
I hope you will continue to follow me. I remain positive.
I was in massive pain when I got home yesterday morning, despite the 'woo-hoo' feelings that I actually made it. Every 'ka-thud' to the ground with one foot, leg, hip and belly jiggle while running had lent itself to the hurt I was feeling yesterday for most of the day. I fell asleep yesterday afternoon and woke up a half hour later feeling rested. And then a shower before dinner helped to revive me too. I had a major sciatic issue (must get fitted for GOOD shoes!) and all I could think about every time I went up and down our stairs was how bad my the left side of my butt hurt. But, I took it easy, hydrated throughout the day, made an awesome dinner and did not eat anymore after 7 PM. I even went to bed fairly early (for me) because I just couldn't keep my head up.
Woke up this morning and am feeling better. Sciatic pain is someone gone or 'in hiding' and I'll be happy if it hides all day. I have a house to vacuum and if I do it the right way, with edging and vacuuming vents, corners of walls and moving furniture, I will have had a good workout. I will take my son out on his bike this afternoon and I will walk. I'm not going to overdue it, but I don't want to wake tomorrow and be curled in a fetal position.
Need some water.
And thanks for all the wonderfully supportive messages yesterday. :-)
I hope you will continue to follow me. I remain positive.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Today Is The First Day
Couch to 5K. I don't know if I'll ever be 160 pounds again. I was 160 pounds at some previous point in my life because you don't go from 21 inches and 8 pounds to 5'8" and 245 pounds without passing 160. I believe I am shaped like a pear or perhaps an apple? I also know that I carry my weight in the worse place possible, right under my chest and around my stomach. I am a size 22 pants/jeans and a 24 top. I consider my chest huge and the inner tube under my arms seems to flow to my back. I told myself if I was ever going to lose weight I needed a way to keep myself honest. Any woman, looking at another woman can visually guesstimate what the other one weighs within 15 pounds. Oh, some can hide it pretty well, but take off the Spanx and girdles and out it all flows. In my mind, men see women as skinny, fat, hot, or having just popped out a few kids and letting her body go. And I did have 2 c-sections, which have left a horizontal scar and the flab of skin over the scar (a muffin top?), but the weight around the scar is my own doing. Being called fat does bother me (and it doesn't have to be verbal..it can be a look..a once over) because I know how it got there and I know it's my own doing and I know I can fix it.
I think 160 pounds is on the high end of what my body height allows for a healthy weight. Perhaps that has medically changed, and if so, please don't tell me. I just know when I was 170 and pregnant with our twins, I felt really healthy. I 'looked' healthy. I don't look or feel healthy now. I've always been the one if I wanted something, I went after it. I worked several jobs to get through college and earn an art degree. I wanted to have a thriving career before I 'settled down' I found a way to move to Chicago and enjoy a career, my own place and the thrill of independence. I allowed myself the time through a busy career to find love, enjoy my husband 'alone' for a few years before having 3 beautiful kids. These are all aspects of my life that I have worked for and couldn't imagine my life any other way. And I enjoy staying at home with my children, but they are becoming less dependent and it's time I put some of the focus back on me.
If you've haven't read the paragraph 'about me' under my blog title it says this:
...I'M A WIFE, MOTHER, DAUGHTER, SISTER, FRIEND, IN NEED OF AN OUTLET FOR ALL THE JUNK THAT PILES UP IN MY MIND. I ENJOY BEING A WIFE AND MOM, BUT SOMEWHERE ALONG THIS PATH I CHOSE FOR MYSELF, THE DAY-TO-DAY SNUCK UP AND SUCKED THE LIFE OUT OF THE PERSON I ONCE WAS AND ENJOYED. I AM SEEKING TO FIND 'HER' AGAIN...THE TOMBOY..THE ADVENTURER..THE WHIMSICAL-SPUR OF THE MOMENT-JUMP IN THE CAR AND DRIVE...THE ARTIST AT HEART."
The day to day has sucked the life out of me. And some days just getting the kids out of bed, getting them breakfast, hair combed, teeth brushed and out the door with backpacks and lunch boxes, not to mention the dog fed and the rest of the morning routine finished and done, I'm ready to climb back into bed and put in another 2 hours of sleep. But no one ever got anywhere bitching about it or sleeping in all morning.
So, I started walking about 3 weeks ago. Just around my neighborhood and at my own pace, which probably would compare to a snail. But it has felt good. I haven't lost a pound. I haven't changed my eating habits other than consciously eating healthier meals which means smaller portions and drinking more water. I need to cut out the junk in my diet, but that is probably the hardest thing for me. I'm working on it.
I sort of reached this exercise block where I got bored with walking already. I teetered with the idea of running for several years, but I have a million excuses why I've never done it. Allergy induced asthma, big boobs, sciatic pain, and just the general idea that I don't think I'd really like it. Poor reasons, really. I've been trying to think of ways that I could continue this exercise for myself but set a goal for something I could work toward. I have several friends who run and have been running since grade school. I asked one for advice and she loaded me up with information.
I set my goal as the Steamboat Classic 2011. I found a 'couch to 5K' online plan. I am finding it hard to believe that I could be ready to run a 5K in 2 months, like the online plan is suggesting, but I am going to try and follow it. I'm sure this online plan does not account for women who are as physically unhealthy as myself, but I am working with it anyway. If I have to stretch it out over 4 months, rather than 2, then so be it. I will make it through this and hopefully, come Spring, be ready to take on longer distances and be amply prepared for this race in June. I don't care how I finish as long as I cross the finish line. It is a personal goal. And I hope to get healthier along the way.
----
My first day.
I stretched following the 12 step stretching samples on the website I'm following. I did my 5 minute brisk walk and got halfway around the neighborhood. This made me aware my previous daily walks were doing nothing other than circulating blood. Then I had to start 60 seconds of running, 90 seconds of walking for 20 minutes. OMG-I ran!
And I felt how heavy each leg was. How heavy my butt and belly have gotten. I felt how far I had to raise each leg just to get a foot off the ground. I felt the IPod squeezing my arm, reminding me how large my arms have gotten. I felt sweat underneath the hair on my head. I felt my underwear and my bra and they weren't comfortable. I felt every breath go in my nose and out my mouth. I felt my lungs start to burn. I felt the back of my throat burning. I felt every song on my IPod not seeming to be fast enough (note to self...must download 'Eye of the Tiger' because even if I never become Rocky, I would like to at least feel like him). And I felt every second of each 60 seconds of running go by.
I was happy to see the driveway. I was happy to realize that I had accomplished the first day. I was happy I did not have an asthma attack or a heart attack. And I'm proud of myself for doing this. While I was on the second to last 60 second run period and I was feeling like I would just walk the rest, I tried to imagine what it will feel like to cross that finish line in June. Not just to finish, but what I will have accomplished by then? I tried to imagine what I might look like and how I would feel about myself. Will I cry from exhaustion or accomplishment? From both? In imagining all those thoughts and feelings, 60 seconds flew by. And before I knew it, I was in my driveway.
Today was hard. As I sit and type this, I'm feeling it in my calves and ankles. As I near 39, I don't want to be physically hurting anymore. I don't want to be fat. I want to feel positive and healthy. I want to accomplish this so I can see another 40 years, so that I can enjoy all the aspects in my life that I've put so much effort into having for myself. And perhaps I'll never reach 160 pounds again, but I can strive to be a healthy person who is happy with herself.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Barrel Tipping?
I'm originally from a rural area outside of Peoria and have heard of cow tipping, but this new version of vandalism could pose a hazard to oncoming drivers that are unaware of the road situation at Route 8 and the Kickapoo/Edwards/Taylor Road intersection. 
Just a hunch, but I don't think the storm did this over the weekend.
The first two photos show the damage to the barrels on the Kickapoo/Edwards side, going north on Route 8, where the median is currently under construction. The vandals must have run out of time or just been too pooped that late at night to do the barrels on the south side of Route 8 at Taylor Road (last photo). Those were left alone. It is too bad there was no video camera at that intersection because a lot of the reflectors on the barrels were busted and the barrels themselves were tore up and laying in the road.
Friday, September 10, 2010
The Weather Is Beautiful
Ever notice how the weather is the 'go-to' topic when you have nothing better to talk about? It is often the subject of small talk. The weather has been nice, in fact, spectacular in my opinion, but that isn't the root of my blog post.
Despite the cooler temps, windows open and breezes blowing, my mood has been a bit melancholy as of late. I caught Phil Luciano's column this morning about the loss of a friend. Luciano: A darkness behind the brightest of smiles - Peoria, IL - pjstar.com I thought it an interesting point where he questions, "what lurks behind the smiles and laughs we see in our loved ones every day? Are they real, a mask or something in between?"
Some days I wear my happy face because I deem it necessary to project positive thinking to our children and to others. I'm not saying I do it all the time. I'm sure if you asked our kids, they would tell you mommy can also do the 'scary monster face' really well. My point is, sometimes we hit ruts, a funk and we need to find a ladder, to be able to climb out of the hole of darkness.
Several news stories have brought me down in mood, a crisis with one of our vehicles, ongoing edginess with friends, crazy schedules my family is keeping lately and several family matters for which I have no control. I just wanted everyone to know the truth. I am not a 'perky peach of a mother' all the time. And I've come to realize, there are times in my life, my months, my days where I just have to get my leg on one rung of that ladder to step up and see a little light.
I went for a walk. I made a pot of coffee. I am sitting outside enjoying the morning of peace and quiet. And despite the crap in my life that I noted above, I am smiling on the inside because I know it will pass and life will work itself out.
Despite the cooler temps, windows open and breezes blowing, my mood has been a bit melancholy as of late. I caught Phil Luciano's column this morning about the loss of a friend. Luciano: A darkness behind the brightest of smiles - Peoria, IL - pjstar.com I thought it an interesting point where he questions, "what lurks behind the smiles and laughs we see in our loved ones every day? Are they real, a mask or something in between?"
Some days I wear my happy face because I deem it necessary to project positive thinking to our children and to others. I'm not saying I do it all the time. I'm sure if you asked our kids, they would tell you mommy can also do the 'scary monster face' really well. My point is, sometimes we hit ruts, a funk and we need to find a ladder, to be able to climb out of the hole of darkness.
Several news stories have brought me down in mood, a crisis with one of our vehicles, ongoing edginess with friends, crazy schedules my family is keeping lately and several family matters for which I have no control. I just wanted everyone to know the truth. I am not a 'perky peach of a mother' all the time. And I've come to realize, there are times in my life, my months, my days where I just have to get my leg on one rung of that ladder to step up and see a little light.
I went for a walk. I made a pot of coffee. I am sitting outside enjoying the morning of peace and quiet. And despite the crap in my life that I noted above, I am smiling on the inside because I know it will pass and life will work itself out.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
"I took the good times, I take the bad times..."
"...I take you just the way you are."
I had a great Labor Day weekend, for the most part. Husband and kids were GREAT. We had wonderful friends over and I even got out and enjoyed a little 'me' time. Everyone relaxed and enjoyed each other, which is how a long weekend is supposed to be.
However, it ended abruptly due to some unforeseen, yet forthright honesty by a few persons in my life. I thought, perhaps naively, I'd never encountered a person, that I could not get along with, and at the bare minimum, agree to disagree. I was pretty proud of the fact, most of my friendships and relationships that had disengaged throughout my life, seemed to have been amicable in parting of the ways or for those which just grew apart, with no one to blame. I should be thankful. I've had disappointments and minor backstabbing in my life from persons I've trusted. Those persons doing the damage were obviously not of great importance in the grand scheme of my life, because I got over it relatively quick. I am not sharing major details of this weekend's events as I prefer to keep some dirty laundry on the laundry room floor of my home, but I will say, emotionally, it was a rough, eye-opening weekend.
The first song I thought of was 'The Stranger' by Billy Joel, because I felt blindsided and betrayed by the persons I thought I knew. However, as I continue on this journey of adulthood, I realize that there are people who just don't care for me. I rub them the wrong way, I've been a disappointment to them in some regard, or perhaps they just don't find a middle or common ground with me. I can accept that.
Instead of feeling like I am disappointment or I lack the qualities to be 'liked/loved' in those persons lives, I'm choosing to embrace the person I am to those who do love me, those that accept me for who I am. It is to those people that I say THANK YOU. Thank you for loving me just the way I am.
Moving forward.
I had a great Labor Day weekend, for the most part. Husband and kids were GREAT. We had wonderful friends over and I even got out and enjoyed a little 'me' time. Everyone relaxed and enjoyed each other, which is how a long weekend is supposed to be.
However, it ended abruptly due to some unforeseen, yet forthright honesty by a few persons in my life. I thought, perhaps naively, I'd never encountered a person, that I could not get along with, and at the bare minimum, agree to disagree. I was pretty proud of the fact, most of my friendships and relationships that had disengaged throughout my life, seemed to have been amicable in parting of the ways or for those which just grew apart, with no one to blame. I should be thankful. I've had disappointments and minor backstabbing in my life from persons I've trusted. Those persons doing the damage were obviously not of great importance in the grand scheme of my life, because I got over it relatively quick. I am not sharing major details of this weekend's events as I prefer to keep some dirty laundry on the laundry room floor of my home, but I will say, emotionally, it was a rough, eye-opening weekend.
The first song I thought of was 'The Stranger' by Billy Joel, because I felt blindsided and betrayed by the persons I thought I knew. However, as I continue on this journey of adulthood, I realize that there are people who just don't care for me. I rub them the wrong way, I've been a disappointment to them in some regard, or perhaps they just don't find a middle or common ground with me. I can accept that.
Instead of feeling like I am disappointment or I lack the qualities to be 'liked/loved' in those persons lives, I'm choosing to embrace the person I am to those who do love me, those that accept me for who I am. It is to those people that I say THANK YOU. Thank you for loving me just the way I am.
Moving forward.
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