If You Could Read My Mind Love

It's Not Thanksgiving Yet, But I Got a Bun in the Oven

2011-10-27T07:21:00.000-07:00

I'll call this my 'catch-you-up' blog because I've been 'busy.' Time flies. Yes, my summer was fun. And it definitely was a busy one. We'll blame that for my lack of blogging. The first of June started swim lessons for all three kids. I think I paid a fortune for them to relearn what they learned last summer. They enjoyed it, and they do believe they can swim (all 3 resemble a cat being thrown in), but all three will still not stick their heads under water when doing any stroke. We've decided a lake, some life jackets and a few tosses off a boat might be a better and cheaper alternative. This is how my husband and I both learned.

We had out of town family staying with us the beginning of July and enjoyed a wonderful fireworks celebration with extended family at our house. In that same time period, we buried my father's ashes and it was well past the appropriate time considering he'll have passed 3 years ago last week. He was probably getting tired of sitting on a dresser, in a box.

Then mid July arrived and because I promised my husband that as soon as our 3 kids were all potty-trained we'd go camping, I had to bite the bullet and give in this summer. I have to admit, I was a bit excited about this trip because it's the first vacation our family has taken together which has been longer than a weekend trip. It was a 10 day trip out west. We drove the entire trip and miraculously all survived. We saw some of the most beautiful sites and had some really excellent family time together. It was thrilling to experience those places for myself for the first time, but to see our kids reactions to them was even more amazing. It was a great family vacation and despite some really cold nights camping, I'd do it again. One condition...the bathroom would once again have to be located 30 feet from our tent and have running water and a heater. I totally lucked out on the camping slot my husband reserved! And luckily, only 3 of the 9 nights were spent sleeping in a tent with freezing temperatures.

Then August came and we started preparations for school. I couldn't wait to finally get all 3 in school full time. I was weighing my options in regards to returning to work. I spent some time digging out my resume, which hadn't seen the light of day for almost 7 years. I was trying to figure out how to creatively add that for the past 7 years, I was a stay at home mom. I carried babies in-utero for 18 months of those years. I breast fed, changed diapers, potty trained, played dollies and choo-choo and tea party and made tents in the living room. How does one make that sound constructive on a resume? I was also dealing with the idea that I wasn't ready to give up being such a large part of my kids lives. If I went back to work, I wouldn't be able to take them to all of their activities. I wouldn't be making healthy meals and snacks and making sure they got enough sleep, and that they were washing their hands while singing the alphabet twice. If I went back to work full-time, I'd have to pay for before and after care at two schools. If I worked part-time, I'd have to really negotiate hours between 9 AM and 2 PM so I could get our children off to school and also be home when they arrived. All of these things were weighing on me. I thought about just renewing my substitute teaching certificate and working just a few days a week. I'd have to employ a sitter or beg my mom to be home when the kids arrived home. None of the scheduling seemed easy, but I was ready and adamant about my return to work.

So, a few days before school started, I decided to take the kids on a run to the mall for some last minute school clothes. The new socks, undies and blue jeans they'd blow out of in 2 months time. I hadn't been feeling all that spectacular for the past week, under the weather. And for some reason on the ride to the mall, with all 3 kids in tow, I realized I was 2 days late. I wasn't freaking yet. I thought back to the month before. We were on vacation. I had the monthly visitor, but it was a light one and I chalked it up to dehydration in Yellowstone. But two days late is something I wasn't going to dismiss. Made a quick stop at the Walgreen's with all 3 kids because you can't just leave them in the van because DCFS is always watching. Get the goods and head back to the van and off to the mall. Must pee. Headed to the JCPenney bathroom with all 3 kids and my 2 pee stick tests. Asked all three kids to hold the wall up outside the bathroom so they wouldn't be wandering and peeking under the doors. I hung my purse over the door so they weren't trying to investigate my business. Peed. Waited. And sure enough.

So, with my 40th birthday approaching at the end of this year, I am getting one hell of a present, and he/she will be arriving right along with the Easter Bunny. This was totally not planned and we 'were done.' But 'someone' never did his part in making it final. So, along with the birth of our 4th child, I will be taking care of that business too. We should know the sex before my birthday. And because we've gotten rid of every last baby item except for a convertible toddler crib, a cheap training potty and one probably outdated car seat, there has been chatter amongst family and friends about a shower. I'm thinking I should just combine my 40th birthday and a shower. I may not have any energy in my third trimester for celebrations. I certainly don't seem to have any now. I'm passing out at 8:30 PM in our recliner, waking up at 11 PM and then having to watch late night tv just to fall asleep again. And, then I get up to pee every 2 hours, like clockwork, whether I drink anything or not.

I forgot what it was like to go to the OB/Gyn for the routine pregnancy check-ups. I can't believe our youngest will be 5. See my previous blog on all the things no one tells you before you have kids..and all the things you forget until you are abruptly reminded once you start going back on a monthly basis. My first sono was an internal with the 'magic wand'...that right there was a nice awakening to what's in store for me over the next several months.

If I haven't said it yet, I'm excited. I feel confident about this pregnancy. We've got three kids in school full-time and they are all pretty self-sufficient and I can pat myself on the back for that. Bring on #4! And I'm taking names and numbers for those wanting diaper duty and anyone wanting to come wash a few loads of laundry..or perhaps whip up dinner and do the dishes..?

Next blog: Wishful Thinking.

Duck Bills...And Other Vanity Sucking Experiences

2011-09-28T07:28:00.000-07:00

If you are a woman that's been for a visit to an Ob/Gyn doc, then you will be able to relate. It took me a few visits to get used to my Obstetrician when I first started going to him about 14 years ago. Yes, it's a guy doctor and at first I wasn't sure about having some male, other than my husband down in the woman parts. But, after some reassurance he sees MANY 'va-jay-jays' (thanks Oprah) in a day, and 3 kids later, we have a pretty open doctor/patient relationship and I've really come to trust him and his staff. But, no matter how comfortable I am with them, the following is a list, probably unfinished, of items and experiences that always make me sweaty and uncomfortable when visiting.

1. Internal Ultrasound Transducer. Quite the name for a wand with a camera that seems like the length of my arm, which gets covered in a condom and warm jelly-like lube and shoved up the you know what for a looksie. First time I was told I needed an internal ultrasound I thought..'oh, no big deal' until I saw this 'not-vibrator' looking thing coming at my woman parts. I've named it the magic wand only because I've gotten to see that I was having twins and with our second pregnancy that we were having a boy. There really is nothing magical about it because it really sucks the vanity right out of you.

2. Getting weighed. I am not sure if I'm the only one that does this but I make sure I drop my purse because it's probably 20 pounds and I also remove shoes if they aren't flip flops or flats. I'm sure it doesn't make a huge difference because I'm already overweight and have been for my pregnancies, but for some reason, it makes me feel better to shed the purse and shoes. If I was getting weighed in the exam room, I'd probably request to shed my clothes too, but those paper gowns do not cover much.

3. Speaking of paper gowns. When I go for exams, they nurse is kind enough to leave me a gown that opens in the front AND a folded paper sheet. Now the gown is to be left open in the front for breast exam purpose and the sheet is to be placed over the legs and give me some reassurance that I'll remain private for the 2 minutes of small talk before I get to lay down and spread eagle. Let me tell you something about that sheet. It is probably the size of a 72 x 108" tablecloth. Now, I'll do the math for you and let you know that even though I'm overweight, I'm not 9 feet wide or long, so that paper sheet is entirely too big. And figuring out how to appropriately arrange it over my legs and waist area so that it doesn't slide off is a challenge. I usually end up tucking most of it under my butt or wrapping it around like a skirt and then getting stuck in it when I try to lay down after the doctor is ready for the exam.

4. The duck bills. Here's a TMI tidbit for you. I was told I have a tilted uterus. Obviously, it's not been a problem in getting pregnant, but as anyone having sex knows, body parts bend and adapt and hooray for that! Duck bills do not. They are metal, slid in until adjusted appropriately, for what seems like the world to get a good view, and then for that 20 seconds of cranking them open so that the doc can get his specimen, my mind MUST escape to La-La Land because I think this is the worst part of any exam I've had. Granted, I've not been for a colonoscopy yet. I'm pretty sure that will be it's own blog.

5. Sample urine cups seem to be another challenge for me. There are two kinds of sample urine cups. There is a clean catch urine package that you get sometimes and then there are routine OB sample cups. The clean catch is a little package with 3 wipes, a cup with a removable lip making sure you catch all the urine and a lid for when you are finished. That doesn't seem all that confusing except for the three wipes. Now I always shower before going to a doctor appointment, but I can't confirm that of others. Until someone explained that the three wipes were for right side of your bottom, left side and down the middle, I had no idea other than they wanted you to be REALLY clean before peeing into that cup. Thank goodness I've had years of practice squatting over dirty college toilets, campground compost pots and even in the woods a few times. I know exactly where my parts are and how they work and have no issues making it into a hole the size of a 5 gallon bucket, BUT....they ask you to pee just a little, THEN hold the cup under the urine stream and catch a good lot of it. Try not peeing on your hand. Really. And then you have to set the open cup somewhere so you can wipe, praying it doesn't spill because you only have so much pee in the bladder. Yes, it's a challenge for me.

6. Breast exams. I hope you do your home checks once a month. I've had two fibroid cyst scares and if you've ever had to go to the Komen Center (or a breast/cancer treatment center) for a sonogram or follow-up, you'll know why it's extremely important to check the girls! But, as for the office check, I'm extremely ticklish. So, having someone get anywhere near my armpits or in that area to check lymph nodes or breast tissue makes me giggle uncontrollably. My doc probably thinks I'm a bit strange, but I can't be the only ticklish person, right? I should thank goodness I'm not ticklish down yonder! That would not only be strangely weird, but most definitely uncomfortable.

7. Running into people you know. I hate this. My doctor is fairly popular in the medical area in which we live which means he sees a lot of people. I've run into many people I've known or my family or friends know in some capacity. And then comes the wondering.. 'hmmm..wonder why she's here?' Call me nosey and paranoid..but for some reason my mind flips through the possible reasons..routine exam?, follow-up exam?, abnormal test results? AND the best one of all ...'IS SHE PREGNANT?' OOOOHHHH...wouldn't that be some juicy news!!??? Why do I think those things about others if I don't want them surmising about my health? Anyway, I keep my head low and pretend I don't see anyone and pray no one asks...'so what brings you here?'

8. Blood pressure check. If the idea of this doesn't increase your blood pressure just a wee bit, then kudos to you. But, just the thought of getting it checked, raises mine. And, usually mine is also affected by what I did before getting to the appointment..argument with the kids before school..running late to my appointment and having just totally hoofed it through the parking lot because I'm late..worrying about that weight check....seeing the duck bills laying out on a tray with a large tube of lube and surgical gloves.. Yeah..those things make my blood pressure spike. I've learned to ask for them to check it before I leave. I also practice slow and concentrated breathing with eyes closed before I have this done. It does calm me and and my blood pressure has always been in normal range, even when pregnant and totally bloated. I highly suggest the breathing.

9. Lastly, there is this artwork on the walls of my doctor's exam rooms. Normally, I wouldn't comment on the decor of a doctor's office as it's usually pretty much the same....some framed degrees or certification, maybe some posters of pro-active healthy ways, and maybe some advertising for new medications. But, along with these in my doctor's exam rooms, are these posters of what appears to be the story of Little Red Riding Hood. I'm not sure the artist and I have requested my doc find new art. I'd even settle for the Anne Geddes babies. What freaks me out are the ones where there is a wolf's mouth dripping blood. Now, I think the wolf has attacked other animals or at least that is what I tell myself, but there should be no dripping blood in any picture on on any doctor's wall, let alone my OB's! Just my opinion.

Best wishes on a comfortable and happy pap! Guys...you have nothing on us by bending over and coughing. Trust me.

"Grow Dammit"

2011-05-31T05:01:00.000-07:00

It is the first day of summer for our family. I think the 'official' first day of summer does not actually occur until June 21st, or so I was informed by one of our mouthy and yet very informative 6 year olds. But for me, it starts today.

Summer has begun because:

1. It's 7:06 AM and the only person moving, other than myself, is my husband who has to go to work. I thought for sure the 3 youngsters would be poking my face at 5:15 AM for Cocoa Krispies or a 7-course breakfast, because they didn't have to actually make the bus this morning. I was wrong. The only thing waking me up that early was my bladder and an uneven ceiling fan.

2. Yesterday it was over 90 degrees. We picked Memorial Day to do our first 'family' togetherness activity of this summer. And it involved over an hour long drive, ticks, poison ivy, water and mud. One of those trips where you wish you had a portable shower hose and a washing machine in tow. And of course, it's one of the hottest days this season so far. I believe we hit another 90 degree day a few weeks ago, but that was a fluke. If I actually stay on top of it and keep my blog up this summer, you will soon know I'm far from loving the heat of summer. I prefer a nice 72 degrees with a breeze. The kind of weather where you can keep the windows open. I will suffer between 72 and 80 if I'm home with the kids, unless the humidity is high. High humidity and temps above 80 warrant the AC or mommy gets snippy. (On a side note..that family trip yesterday was actually really fun, minus the laundry, and the smelly, mud-covered and whining kids on the ride home. But we were all just worn out and exhausted.)

3. I haven't been downstairs yet, but I know what awaits me on the desk in the kitchen. A gigantic stack of, "Here mom. These are all our papers from the entire school year. Don't throw them away because there is stuff you have to read and send back before next year, but I'm not sure where they are in this pile or what color they are.' Me: "Oh great! Thanks!" (Insert huge eye roll) I just know the pile is high enough to take me at least an hour, if not longer. Oh..and I completely forgot about cleaning out backpacks, art boxes and lunch boxes. But, and I'll have to remember to thank her later, one of my daughters donated all her leftover school supplies (which I'm assuming would be crusty hard Elmer's, broken crayon nibs and a couple pencils the size of a finger, minus the erasers) and her gym shoes to children in Haiti. They ought to be thankful. Doubtful.

4. We have 'the' upcoming dance recital. This involves two 6 year olds, 4 costumes with hair pieces, tutus, pins, feathers, tails, gloves and 4 pair of shoes of differing sizes per each child. Oh! And let's not forget the make-up! We need blush, eyebrow pencil, eye shadow and bright lipstick so they can kiss and wipe their lips on those pretty white gloves right before they go out on stage. We will be having our hair stylist fix their hair because mommy just can't make 100 curls on each head and shellac as she goes and not burn someone. It's worth the trip into town to have this done for recital night. I'm contemplating wigs for rehearsal night, since this is also 'picture' night because I'm cheap and only want to pay once for the 'recital do.' This also involves one sweaty mommy who probably will not get to enjoy the show, a lot of 'just put this on and don't complain' and in-laws. The in-laws are not a huge problem because my husband will be entertaining them and driving them around, but it's that little whisper in the back of my head that questions, "Did I wash the extra sheets, wipe the toothpaste off the bathroom sink, clean the slimy-soapy-kid-ring around the tub and did I remember to take out dinner from the freezer?"

5. The house is a disaster of laundry, dust, dirty dishes from the weekend, carpet that needs a good vacuuming and bathroom sinks, toilets and tubs that need some attention. These last few weeks of school had me baking, running kids, finishing sports, attending final practices, awards assemblies and end of the year picnics. I was also mailing out graduation cards, reworking wardrobes so kids would have summer clothes and swimsuits which covered their ever-growing legs, arms and torsos. So the house went by the way-side. It warrants some attention. I am thankful I have 3 little helpers, unbeknownst to them. They can maneuver a Swiffer Duster, unload a dishwasher, empty the dryer into baskets and put folded laundry away. And I just bought some Green Wipes so they can clean up their own nastiness left in the bathroom sinks. My mom once told me (jokingly I always assumed) that she and my dad had kids so we could clean the house as we got older. I am starting to understand that train of thought while I see the destruction of our house and how filthy it can get in one day.

6. My body is never ready for swimsuit weather and I don't know why I kid myself into thinking this flab of skin from 2 c-sections is going to magically disappear one morning. My butt, thighs and inner tube below the boobs is my own doing, but the panis..(yes, that is a word) is my kids doing..and inadvertently, my husband's.

7. We built 4 raised garden beds this spring. We hauled in dirt and compost, seeds and plants. I'm anxiously awaiting that first 'ripe' ANYTHING. I want to pick SOMETHING! I want to take a photo of it and brag to neighbors and friends and say, "neener neener neener! I didn't pay $2 for this red pepper!" But, I can't pick the herbs, even though they are producing because I want the plants to get bigger. And I can't pick any veggies yet. None are ripe. There are green tomatoes and lots of blooms, but I will wait until they are big and full of color. And I'm hoping our pepper plants make it. Something has found them and is eating the leaves. It's time to fight back and put out something nasty that the little critters (and possibly big ones) don't care for because I'd like to have a plants left and not just stems. The recent rain (or monsoon, depending on your location) is helping the plants along and our kids are elated that the entire packet of seeds they've planted in their little pots on the deck are producing about 50 sprouts. I don't have the heart to tell them they are going to choke themselves. We need to transplant them to the garden soon. I am extremely impatient and really want to make some fresh salsa or grill some peppers or eggplant. The waiting is difficult and I just want things to GROW DAMMIT!

Perhaps while I'm cleaning house, running kids to swim lessons, attending summer reading programs, or sweating myself making pretty patterns in the lawn on our Cub Cadet, the garden will grow? Actually, that is my fear. It's all going to produce at once and I'm going to be crazy woman putting away vegetables. I will then be unable to keep up with them, the weeds and the house which only remains clean for about 1 minute and the laundry which is only caught up until someone showers!

How many days till autumn? I guess I'll ask one of my, all-knowing, 6 year olds.

Dang, it's been way too long!

2011-02-21T21:14:00.000-08:00

"2011"..The year of 'the small stuff.'

Yep, it's the New Year and I finally have a few minutes to myself where I'm not dead tired or have 10 other pressing items on the agenda. I did not do a traditional resolutions list; rather I've decided to just appreciate the small stuff and try not to sweat what seems to be out of my hands.

Small stuff on my mind...taking up a lot of space...

1. My grandmother was laid to rest last year on a beautiful, blustery, blizzard-like day. Grandma's Will gets read this weekend amongst my mother and her siblings. I have a feeling some 'stuff' will hit the fan. No big deal. I wasn't invited and I should not sweat this as it does not involve me. I sit wrapped up in a blanket she sewed personally, just for me. This makes me happy.

2. My mother got engaged to a great guy over holidays last year. I will gain a stepfather. I will still call him by his first name as that seems most appropriate to me, although my kids have asked to call him 'grandpa.' It's hard to juggle the emotions I'm having with a man who has taken over every role my father had in my life, other than being 'my dad.' He will never be that person. I'm letting him into my life as much as I possibly can, while realizing he brings to the table his own family. It's like the Brady Bunch, but the kids are all grown up with kids of their own, and the bride and groom are retirees.

3. I graduated to a smart phone this month. I think it might just be smarter than me, but it is pretty kick-ass in it's abilities. I think the swankiest of its features has to be that I can access the internet ANYWHERE. I have not yet been to BFE to test this theory of mine, but I'm pretty sure it would reach there too. One of the most disturbing features is that the GPS locator can pin-point me almost to the toilet I would be sitting on, if I were to have to the phone with me on one of those necessary trips. No one needs to know this business. Nor will I ever allow the phone to 'track' where I'm at by posting it on Facebook. You need not know I just sat down at my local jaunt for a burger or a beer. BUT, if I'm ever lost at sea or kidnapped, I will be sure and use that feature.

4. The Flu Shot. I will not doing that next year. I had one child throwing up for entire week over the winter. Then I got it. Sore throat, chills, fever that went up and down as fast as the Ibuprofen worked or wore off, and raging ear infections; causing temporary loss of hearing. And then it happened. I was at the toilet for an entire day and a half. And I was so weak, my husband had to walk me back to the bed. I was useless for 4 days. As a mom and wife, I think 4 days might be the max time that you can take off without the children and husband moving in to the bedroom with you. It was nice to have meals brought to me. It was nice to take long, much needed naps and watch Netflix without interruption. It was nice to have antibiotics that WORK. But it is even nicer to NOT BE SICK and uncontrollably puking up...nothing! So, having previously tested the 'no flu shot' theory, and not getting sick, I think I will tempt that fate again next year. I do love fruits, veggies, my vitamins and hand sanitizer and will take my chances.

5. Our basement has acquired a really nice treadmill. It sits right in front of the 'big' tv down there. I intend to use this machine before summer. If I have time to blog, I have time to sweat, right? I need to figure out how to mount my laptop on that sweat machine.

6. We are at the last of the logs on our dwindling wood pile in the back yard. I have LOVED having a fireplace. I am still building fires in it as much as the weather allows or until the wood totally runs out. I will miss the crackle and the warmth it gives. I will admit to getting antsy for spring only because I miss the smell of crumbly turned dirt in a fresh tilled garden and the fresh veggies it will produce. I will have a garden this year. Oh..and I miss the geese and goslings that trek through our yard from pond to pond on their daily morning walk. That should be happening again soon.

7. I despise getting the mail. It is 98% bills and junk. I have one friend (a friend since high school) that is stationed in Afghanistan with whom I correspond regularly. I look forward to his letters for two reasons. I enjoy reading them because it keeps my stress in check after reading what he deals with on a daily basis. Secondly, it lets me know he's still alive. Being alive and free is NOT small stuff. It's big stuff for which to be quite thankful and happy. His letters put perspective on my life. In other 'mail' news, I got some coupons from Kroger for FREE food. In actuality, I probably paid for these items, 3 times over in what I spend there on a regular basis, but yesterday I got free butter, eggs, chips and ice cream and I was QUITE happy! Not the healthiest combo of free items, but a couple staples we can always use, and the ice cream made made the whole family happy.

The rest of my small stuff..in Cliff Notes form. Try to follow along..

My sister has a new boyfriend. She's an adult and I should not worry. I really shouldn't.

Our favorite place to take swim lessons won't be happening this summer, due to unforeseen circumstances and now I'm scrambling to find something new where our clingy child won't cry every day. I am happy all 3 kiddos do get in the water
without kicking them in (ok..not really) which didn't happen 2 years ago.

We also seem to be stuck between two park districts for children's summer sports options. We would pay 'non-resident' for either option, but that extra $5 seems to feel like the 'we don't belong' tax. Or perhaps the price one pays to not live in 'the city?'

I finally got much needed NEW bras and I will say my upper body is much happier these days.

It really is the small stuff. It fills our minds. It may or may not seem significant in the minds of others, but it's what consumes that extra space in our head. I feel pounds lighter after sharing. But I'll keep the treadmill around for the hips, thighs and rear.

Happy New Year!!...2 months late...but who cares, right?

"Nuttin' for Christmas!"

2010-11-29T11:32:00.000-08:00

Our 3 year old was showing his age today. And I was showing my 'I grew up in the 70s, got spanked and turned out just fine' self.

I picked up my son from school this morning and asked him if he'd like to be my date for lunch. I had to return something to Old Navy, so we went to Steak and Shake after. Got a shake for he and I to split. I got him his meal of choice, complete with cardboard car, hat, crayons...etc. The meal went fine. He didn't eat much of his hot dog, but finished off his mandarin oranges and shake and fries that we split. So, he asks for a quarter for the crap machine at the front while I pay. Ok, fine. He was pretty good. He waited for me to pay so I could help him with the machine. 'HE' picked the candy he wanted. Chewy Sweet Tarts. When I went to give him the handful that was dispensed, he FREAKED. On the floor FREAKED. I calmed him down enough to ask him what was the problem.

Get this...There were not enough in the handful! He thought he was going to get more. He threw a total and complete fit in the lobby by the cash registers. I drug him to the foyer between the doors and spanked his butt. He threw another fit and was on the floor rolling around. People could not get in or out of the restaurant. The flow of traffic was at a standstill while we seemingly duked it out on the white tile. I picked him up and took him outside. He wretched himself away (I had his gloves, hat, my gloves, a purse and his cardboard car in my hands) and started yelling at me and throwing his fists. All the while, an older lady was being picked up at the door and was watching this 3 year old talk to his mother like she was the wicked step-monster from HELL.

Finally I picked him up like a sack of Morton Salt (which btw always feels like more than a 40 pound bag that I would never attempt to lift above my waist), threw him over my shoulder, and quickly took him to our van. Thank GOD for key fabs and auto slide doors. I put him in the van, spanked him once again for the performance in front of the older woman and who I'll assume to have been her husband, and then wrestled him into the carseat. I had to do the '2 year old, elbow in crotch routine.' If you are parent reading this, you know to what I'm referring. He cried and screamed, kicking his shoes and socks off and proceeded to puke all over his car seat straps and himself. I got home and left him in the van for a few minutes while I got my breath. I counted to 100 instead of 10 this time. I went back out and he was full of vomit. I keep a roll of paper towels, a can of Lysol and Wet Wipes in the van at all times. I cleaned that mess up. Took him immediately to the laundry room, stripped him down and sent him upstairs with just his undies on. He went pee all the while STILL yelling at me about this sugary blasted candy from which he felt he was jipped. Finally I had ENOUGH. Pulled the undies down..3 firm whacks to the butt and he FINALLY was quiet.

Washed him up, made him brush his teeth, I put fresh clothes on him, then I put him in bed. I asked him if he was ready to talk. I did the whole speech about not liking his behavior, but always loving him. We talked about what was wrong behavior and right behavior while we are in public. He apologized and said he still wanted his candy.

Um..HELL NO! I gave him a kiss and a hug. Gave him his snuggle blanket, his dog Scruffy and I told him to take a nap and wake up happier.

OMG..BAD LUNCH! It will be a while before I go out with that date again!

Occupied.

2010-11-16T18:28:00.000-08:00

Reasons I haven't blogged in almost a month (aka..excuses)

1. It got cold and I am slacking on the exercise regime and I wasn't going to admit it but, Santa is watching and so I'm choosing to fess up. I am doing the Jingle Bell Walk/Run on December 4th. Go Team! And, if anyone wants to challenge me to a Wii Hula Hoop challenge, I'm all for it.

2. My mom, at 63 years old, has a new man in her life. I find him to be such a positive aspect in her life. He makes her giddy and all girly-feminine again, which is a side I never saw of my mom because by the time I recognized her as a 'woman' and not just mom, she had already gone through all the girly stuff to snag my dad. It's really neat to see her have a second chance at love and come full circle and watch her date. We've been spending some time getting to know this gentleman and his family and I look forward to knowing him better. Oh..and he made me do something I probably wouldn't have tried otherwise.. I rode a 4 -wheeler for the first time. And it's BIG. And it was FUN. (insert wide eyes and huge smile here) And next time I ride it, I plan on going faster! And I loved that our kids thought I was cool for taking it for a spin.

3. The holiday season is upon us and I'm all about the winter holidays. I can't put into words how excited I get to have family close and celebrate all I'm thankful for and have been given over the past year. I love everything about the winter months and I can take anything a Scrooge says and turn it upside down!

4. My husband is extremely busy at work and this pretty much makes me a single parent while he concentrates on school and work. This is probably why I love the holidays because once he finishes his class, he uses up extra vacation days and I get to have him to myself. Well, I have to share him with the kids until they go to bed, but I love having him at home and being able to do things as a family.

5. We finally sold our previous home and just refinanced our new one. Lots of John Hancock-ing going on over the past few weeks. Signing my life away once again.

Those are my excuses for not having blogged. Bear with me...I am not the hibernating type, so I will start writing again. I'm just in need of some dire ME time.

Someone, please light a firecracker under my butt.

2010-10-20T07:23:00.000-07:00

So, over a week ago, my grandma landed herself on a little road trip in an ambulance to OSF. She took a nasty spill and although OSF staff was aggressive in their approach and with best of intentions to get her well, it wasn't the TLC she needed. She subconsciously (or maybe not?) decided to shut down while there and refused to eat. There was actually no TLC being given out freely and so family decided to just get her home. I spent every morning up there with her last week, just holding her hand and hoping she'd make it out of there. She is the matriarch to the maternal side of my extended family and I can't imagine not having her present in our lives.

That being said, I did not exercise. I flubbed on my running and every day I woke up, I'd feel the guilt and the aches in my knees and feet from NOT going. We battled sickness at our house the week before my grandmother's fall and then this past weekend, it crept back in. Fall and spring are HUGE allergy seasons and I fall prey. I take prescription medications to control allergy induced asthma breathing issues, but it seems the slightest germ brought home or slightly cool night with the window cracked, wakes me up with the worst of sore throats, runny nose, watery eyes and a crap-shot day. I decided that even with the seasonal issues, I would at the least, WALK. Just doing this takes a mental shove to get me out the door.

I'm not lazy. I'm on the 'go' quite a bit. But these past two weeks I seem to be full of excuses. Life seems overwhelming in trying to fit it all in and be happy with myself at the end of the day. Husband has been out of town on business since Sunday, so kiddie care has been all me and if this does not suck the life out of momma, I have no idea what does. It does make my running routine in the morning seem like a breeze compared to the witching hours in the afternoon, when I can do nothing right according to our kids.

I haven't blogged much since I had my 'gung-ho' exercise posts. I am going to stick with it, but I do think it would be easier if someone just drug my ass, lassoed, through the Steamboat Classic by horse. I think I need someone to take photos of my body in tight clothing, print about 100 of these off and tape them everywhere. Bedroom closet door. Bathroom mirror. Dashboard in my van. Laundry room. And of course, the pantry and refrigerator doors.

Tomorrow will be the 2nd Anniversary of my father's passing and according to some people, the feelings of sadness fade. I have yet to experience the day just being glossed over by the craziness of normal routine. Maybe that happens in the 8th, 9th or 15th year? I find myself reliving those last moments and I just wish we could skip tomorrow altogether.

Some uplifting news.. I'm going to see Bob Dylan this Friday (something my father would have enjoyed) and I can barely contain my excitement over this.

And I was looking for an appropriate song to end this blog entry, but since youtube snatches up all the good 'Bob' videos and knocks out the audio (per his request), I'm going with a quote. I love Bob Dylan's writing style, dry and plain as it can be. His lyrics are like no other and the minimalist way he voices himself, not to mention his lips on a harmonica or his fingers picking a stringed instrument, makes him the musical deity that has my proverbial panties in a bunch!

"I'm just glad to be feeling better. I really thought I'd be seeing Elvis soon."
Bob Dylan

St. Francis Medical Center, You're Housekeeping Sucks!

2010-10-11T10:32:00.000-07:00

My grandmother came by ambulance to the OSF (Saint Francis) Emergency Room Saturday afternoon after a nasty spill.

The first day I visited, the day she was admitted, I parked in the deck and walked in expecting to hitch a ride on the hall trolley to the old admitting area and ask where I could find her. But when I walked in, the hall to the new Children's Hospital was open and I was told I could ask at their new admitting desk. So, I walked the hallway noticing vibrant colors, a new gift shop (mainly for children) and how beautiful the floors looked and how clean the windows were. When I got to the desk, they said she was still in a room in the ER and a staff member from admitting, offered to personally escort me to her room. Again, more very vibrant colors, clean hallways, sterile environment and no funky smells. As it is generally understood...what a hospital should be!

Yesterday...
When I visited, I was there in the afternoon around 3 PM to 5 PM and had noticed the floors were dirty and there was some nasty unidentifiable stuff on the privacy curtain near the lower right corner. The most noticeable flaw with housekeeping was the stench I was smelling. Supposedly, the staff had her out of bed to use a commode and had not emptied it. So, there it sat, in the corner of her room (and they aren't big rooms!) and it STUNK. Badly. I did mention it when the charge nurse was in and she got another nurse to empty the pan and change the padding under my grandmother in her bed. The nursing staff was attentive to her needs and because of her reason for being on that floor. However, the housekeeping staff, I never saw.

Today's visit...
My grandmother is, to my understanding, on an intermediate neurology floor. I took the 'C' Elevator (outside the main gift shop) to the 3rd Floor. According to the nurse caring for my grandmother, on the shift in which I visited today, there were 16 beds on that hall which were filled, housekeeping should have been by already. There were 2 employees appropriated for bathing all 16 of those patients, which should happen in the morning hours. According to a relative who had stayed in the room with my grandmother overnight, someone had come in and emptied the trash, but had done nothing else to clean the room. My relative had been using their own Clorox Wipes to wipe off the bedside table, the arms and safety rungs of the bed, the visitors chairs (which turned the Clorox Wipes black!) and really awful areas of the floor which had not been attended to since they had arrived the night before. I had not visited the bathroom, as it said 'patients only' on a sign on the door, but I did use the hand sanitizer on the wall every time I got up or left and came back into the room. And I took my clothes off in our laundry room when I got home before entering the rest of our house and exposing our children to what I encountered. Need I say more about house cleaning?

I received a phone call from the relative who remained with my grandmother after I left and they said she had been moved to another room on that floor, one with a lesser need for observation (no monitor hook-ups) and that the room was a bit cleaner. There were no obvious stains on the floor. They were hoping to have her up and walking and would bathe her in her new room after that. I certainly hope housekeeping gets to the last room before they fill her bed again! Oh..and don't forget to change the sheets. Her head injury was oozing (as is normal I was assured) and the pillow cases (on two of the pillows) had quite obviously not been changed today. I realize it is not the nursing staff's job to maintain cleanliness in the room, however, I don't see it as 'healthy' to try and treat a patient in a filthy environment.

I'm sure there will be a review filled out before she leaves and I hope my grandmother's Durable Power of Healthcare let's the house keeping staff know how disappointed we have been.

Awake And Moving on Day 2!

2010-09-23T05:51:00.001-07:00

And I'm not going to post progress every day, but I wanted to share my first day up until now.

I was in massive pain when I got home yesterday morning, despite the 'woo-hoo' feelings that I actually made it. Every 'ka-thud' to the ground with one foot, leg, hip and belly jiggle while running had lent itself to the hurt I was feeling yesterday for most of the day. I fell asleep yesterday afternoon and woke up a half hour later feeling rested. And then a shower before dinner helped to revive me too. I had a major sciatic issue (must get fitted for GOOD shoes!) and all I could think about every time I went up and down our stairs was how bad my the left side of my butt hurt. But, I took it easy, hydrated throughout the day, made an awesome dinner and did not eat anymore after 7 PM. I even went to bed fairly early (for me) because I just couldn't keep my head up.

Woke up this morning and am feeling better. Sciatic pain is someone gone or 'in hiding' and I'll be happy if it hides all day. I have a house to vacuum and if I do it the right way, with edging and vacuuming vents, corners of walls and moving furniture, I will have had a good workout. I will take my son out on his bike this afternoon and I will walk. I'm not going to overdue it, but I don't want to wake tomorrow and be curled in a fetal position.

Need some water.

And thanks for all the wonderfully supportive messages yesterday. :-)
I hope you will continue to follow me. I remain positive.

Today Is The First Day

2010-09-22T07:25:00.000-07:00

Couch to 5K.

I don't know if I'll ever be 160 pounds again. I was 160 pounds at some previous point in my life because you don't go from 21 inches and 8 pounds to 5'8" and 245 pounds without passing 160. I believe I am shaped like a pear or perhaps an apple? I also know that I carry my weight in the worse place possible, right under my chest and around my stomach. I am a size 22 pants/jeans and a 24 top. I consider my chest huge and the inner tube under my arms seems to flow to my back. I told myself if I was ever going to lose weight I needed a way to keep myself honest. Any woman, looking at another woman can visually guesstimate what the other one weighs within 15 pounds. Oh, some can hide it pretty well, but take off the Spanx and girdles and out it all flows. In my mind, men see women as skinny, fat, hot, or having just popped out a few kids and letting her body go. And I did have 2 c-sections, which have left a horizontal scar and the flab of skin over the scar (a muffin top?), but the weight around the scar is my own doing. Being called fat does bother me (and it doesn't have to be verbal..it can be a look..a once over) because I know how it got there and I know it's my own doing and I know I can fix it.

I think 160 pounds is on the high end of what my body height allows for a healthy weight. Perhaps that has medically changed, and if so, please don't tell me. I just know when I was 170 and pregnant with our twins, I felt really healthy. I 'looked' healthy. I don't look or feel healthy now. I've always been the one if I wanted something, I went after it. I worked several jobs to get through college and earn an art degree. I wanted to have a thriving career before I 'settled down' I found a way to move to Chicago and enjoy a career, my own place and the thrill of independence. I allowed myself the time through a busy career to find love, enjoy my husband 'alone' for a few years before having 3 beautiful kids. These are all aspects of my life that I have worked for and couldn't imagine my life any other way. And I enjoy staying at home with my children, but they are becoming less dependent and it's time I put some of the focus back on me.

If you've haven't read the paragraph 'about me' under my blog title it says this:

...I'M A WIFE, MOTHER, DAUGHTER, SISTER, FRIEND, IN NEED OF AN OUTLET FOR ALL THE JUNK THAT PILES UP IN MY MIND. I ENJOY BEING A WIFE AND MOM, BUT SOMEWHERE ALONG THIS PATH I CHOSE FOR MYSELF, THE DAY-TO-DAY SNUCK UP AND SUCKED THE LIFE OUT OF THE PERSON I ONCE WAS AND ENJOYED. I AM SEEKING TO FIND 'HER' AGAIN...THE TOMBOY..THE ADVENTURER..THE WHIMSICAL-SPUR OF THE MOMENT-JUMP IN THE CAR AND DRIVE...THE ARTIST AT HEART."

The day to day has sucked the life out of me. And some days just getting the kids out of bed, getting them breakfast, hair combed, teeth brushed and out the door with backpacks and lunch boxes, not to mention the dog fed and the rest of the morning routine finished and done, I'm ready to climb back into bed and put in another 2 hours of sleep. But no one ever got anywhere bitching about it or sleeping in all morning.

So, I started walking about 3 weeks ago. Just around my neighborhood and at my own pace, which probably would compare to a snail. But it has felt good. I haven't lost a pound. I haven't changed my eating habits other than consciously eating healthier meals which means smaller portions and drinking more water. I need to cut out the junk in my diet, but that is probably the hardest thing for me. I'm working on it.

I sort of reached this exercise block where I got bored with walking already. I teetered with the idea of running for several years, but I have a million excuses why I've never done it. Allergy induced asthma, big boobs, sciatic pain, and just the general idea that I don't think I'd really like it. Poor reasons, really. I've been trying to think of ways that I could continue this exercise for myself but set a goal for something I could work toward. I have several friends who run and have been running since grade school. I asked one for advice and she loaded me up with information.

I set my goal as the Steamboat Classic 2011. I found a 'couch to 5K' online plan. I am finding it hard to believe that I could be ready to run a 5K in 2 months, like the online plan is suggesting, but I am going to try and follow it. I'm sure this online plan does not account for women who are as physically unhealthy as myself, but I am working with it anyway. If I have to stretch it out over 4 months, rather than 2, then so be it. I will make it through this and hopefully, come Spring, be ready to take on longer distances and be amply prepared for this race in June. I don't care how I finish as long as I cross the finish line. It is a personal goal. And I hope to get healthier along the way.

----
My first day.
I stretched following the 12 step stretching samples on the website I'm following. I did my 5 minute brisk walk and got halfway around the neighborhood. This made me aware my previous daily walks were doing nothing other than circulating blood. Then I had to start 60 seconds of running, 90 seconds of walking for 20 minutes. OMG-I ran!

And I felt how heavy each leg was. How heavy my butt and belly have gotten. I felt how far I had to raise each leg just to get a foot off the ground. I felt the IPod squeezing my arm, reminding me how large my arms have gotten. I felt sweat underneath the hair on my head. I felt my underwear and my bra and they weren't comfortable. I felt every breath go in my nose and out my mouth. I felt my lungs start to burn. I felt the back of my throat burning. I felt every song on my IPod not seeming to be fast enough (note to self...must download 'Eye of the Tiger' because even if I never become Rocky, I would like to at least feel like him). And I felt every second of each 60 seconds of running go by.

I was happy to see the driveway. I was happy to realize that I had accomplished the first day. I was happy I did not have an asthma attack or a heart attack. And I'm proud of myself for doing this. While I was on the second to last 60 second run period and I was feeling like I would just walk the rest, I tried to imagine what it will feel like to cross that finish line in June. Not just to finish, but what I will have accomplished by then? I tried to imagine what I might look like and how I would feel about myself. Will I cry from exhaustion or accomplishment? From both? In imagining all those thoughts and feelings, 60 seconds flew by. And before I knew it, I was in my driveway.

Today was hard. As I sit and type this, I'm feeling it in my calves and ankles. As I near 39, I don't want to be physically hurting anymore. I don't want to be fat. I want to feel positive and healthy. I want to accomplish this so I can see another 40 years, so that I can enjoy all the aspects in my life that I've put so much effort into having for myself. And perhaps I'll never reach 160 pounds again, but I can strive to be a healthy person who is happy with herself.

Barrel Tipping?

2010-09-19T19:39:00.000-07:00

I'm originally from a rural area outside of Peoria and have heard of cow tipping, but this new version of vandalism could pose a hazard to oncoming drivers that are unaware of the road situation at Route 8 and the Kickapoo/Edwards/Taylor Road intersection.

Just a hunch, but I don't think the storm did this over the weekend.

The first two photos show the damage to the barrels on the Kickapoo/Edwards side, going north on Route 8, where the median is currently under construction. The vandals must have run out of time or just been too pooped that late at night to do the barrels on the south side of Route 8 at Taylor Road (last photo). Those were left alone. It is too bad there was no video camera at that intersection because a lot of the reflectors on the barrels were busted and the barrels themselves were tore up and laying in the road.

The Weather Is Beautiful

2010-09-10T07:37:00.001-07:00

Ever notice how the weather is the 'go-to' topic when you have nothing better to talk about? It is often the subject of small talk. The weather has been nice, in fact, spectacular in my opinion, but that isn't the root of my blog post.

Despite the cooler temps, windows open and breezes blowing, my mood has been a bit melancholy as of late. I caught Phil Luciano's column this morning about the loss of a friend. Luciano: A darkness behind the brightest of smiles - Peoria, IL - pjstar.com I thought it an interesting point where he questions, "what lurks behind the smiles and laughs we see in our loved ones every day? Are they real, a mask or something in between?"

Some days I wear my happy face because I deem it necessary to project positive thinking to our children and to others. I'm not saying I do it all the time. I'm sure if you asked our kids, they would tell you mommy can also do the 'scary monster face' really well. My point is, sometimes we hit ruts, a funk and we need to find a ladder, to be able to climb out of the hole of darkness.

Several news stories have brought me down in mood, a crisis with one of our vehicles, ongoing edginess with friends, crazy schedules my family is keeping lately and several family matters for which I have no control. I just wanted everyone to know the truth. I am not a 'perky peach of a mother' all the time. And I've come to realize, there are times in my life, my months, my days where I just have to get my leg on one rung of that ladder to step up and see a little light.

I went for a walk. I made a pot of coffee. I am sitting outside enjoying the morning of peace and quiet. And despite the crap in my life that I noted above, I am smiling on the inside because I know it will pass and life will work itself out.

"I took the good times, I take the bad times..."

2010-09-07T16:48:00.000-07:00

"...I take you just the way you are."

I had a great Labor Day weekend, for the most part. Husband and kids were GREAT. We had wonderful friends over and I even got out and enjoyed a little 'me' time. Everyone relaxed and enjoyed each other, which is how a long weekend is supposed to be.

However, it ended abruptly due to some unforeseen, yet forthright honesty by a few persons in my life. I thought, perhaps naively, I'd never encountered a person, that I could not get along with, and at the bare minimum, agree to disagree. I was pretty proud of the fact, most of my friendships and relationships that had disengaged throughout my life, seemed to have been amicable in parting of the ways or for those which just grew apart, with no one to blame. I should be thankful. I've had disappointments and minor backstabbing in my life from persons I've trusted. Those persons doing the damage were obviously not of great importance in the grand scheme of my life, because I got over it relatively quick. I am not sharing major details of this weekend's events as I prefer to keep some dirty laundry on the laundry room floor of my home, but I will say, emotionally, it was a rough, eye-opening weekend.

The first song I thought of was 'The Stranger' by Billy Joel, because I felt blindsided and betrayed by the persons I thought I knew. However, as I continue on this journey of adulthood, I realize that there are people who just don't care for me. I rub them the wrong way, I've been a disappointment to them in some regard, or perhaps they just don't find a middle or common ground with me. I can accept that.

Instead of feeling like I am disappointment or I lack the qualities to be 'liked/loved' in those persons lives, I'm choosing to embrace the person I am to those who do love me, those that accept me for who I am. It is to those people that I say THANK YOU. Thank you for loving me just the way I am.

Moving forward.

GLORIOUS ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC DAY!

2010-09-03T06:05:00.001-07:00

THIS is my FALL!! When I step outside in my pajama attire (to let the dog out) and I am freezing 'something' off, it is MY kind of weather. It is going to be a good day. I opened up the windows and am purging the summer funk that has built up in this house. I'm cleaning house and actually enjoying it.

Busy day ahead that involves a lot of driving. I'm actually excited about this. Driving when your dash registers 102 degrees, is NOT my kind of driving weather. I don't care if the AC is set at 63, with all 4 front vents blowing on me (yes, I really do this), it is entirely too warm to be in a vehicle because at some point, you have to get out. So, today as I venture out to get an oil change, pick up my son from school, head to a late lunch with a friend and then to the movies tonight with my husband and the kiddos, I will be rolling down the highway with the windows wide open and the music at a level that won't wound ear drums, but might just let other vehicles at stoplights know that it's a 'Desire' kind of day! I never used to like the cd, but I found myself playing it over and over as I'd go out to shoot photos and now it's probably one of my favorites. It's good-groovin'-drivin' tune-age, but if you like 'BOB,' any of his music is good music, anytime.

Carpe diem.

Not sure what's up with the Jesus rag on his head (1976 ?), but still a good song..

A $4 Date!

2010-08-29T18:27:00.000-07:00

Well actually, I went by myself, so I only spent $2, but the time alone was much needed and the view, breathtaking and spectacular!

If you've never been to Tower Park in Peoria Heights, IL, put it on the to-do list! I have lived in this area for almost 39 years off and on and this was the first time I'd ever gone up in the tower. I want to say it was erected in 1970 (sign at the bottom as you get off the elevator) but I'd need to check that again. And there was a restorative overhaul in 2002 (also need to check again but found that on wiki).

If you are not into glass elevators that move at a snail's pace, this might not be the date for you. However, if you want to take your sweetie up (or a friend, family member..not sure if pets are allowed, doubtful), it is serene, peaceful and quiet except for the open air wind and romantic as the top of the Eiffel Tower, or so I imagine for this town of Peoria. I have not actually been to the top of the Eiffel Tower, but a place is what you make it and I made the most of it! I was at the top of the tower for over a half hour today snapping photographs and admiring the views. And the breezy wind up there was fantastic as todays temps were low 90s. The elevator actually stops 2 floors below the actual top of the tower. You climb to the top deck, which is totally open air, with a spiral staircase.

I'm not sure if there is a time limit up there (doubt it) and you'd have to check the hours they are open, but if someone needed an awesome date idea, I would suggest packing a small picnic bag with a blanket, a non-alcholic bottle of bubbly and 2 toasting glasses, grab lunch from a local venue and then undoing the date's blindfold, somewhere about 10 seconds after you hit the PH button on the elevator going to the top of the tower. Yeah..I thought it was pretty funny they had a PH button. I kept thinking..'woohoo'..I've never been in a Penthouse suite!

I'm really into finding treasures in this area. This isn't overly advertised, and it is definitely a place worth seeing from the top! And be sure to check out the woodpecker on the southwest side...but don't lean over the edge too far!

Well, It's Friday and I'm Not In the Fetal Position!

2010-08-27T19:00:00.000-07:00

Cheers!

My walks have been good. I've SEEN the morning, the fog on the pond, all my neighbors leaving for school and work (ha ha suckers!..ok..sorry..but don't I get to be happy I stay at home?), cleared my head, made the dog happy by letting her sniff every unidentifiable pile of something, and still had the rest of my morning to myself. Did I mention I am working up to a jog? I think my feet, as well as the rest of my body, need to be slightly conditioned (cough...cough..) before attempting to actually go at a faster pace than a brisk walk. But, I'm still going.

Crunches suck. I'll rephrase that... Crunches SUCK. But, every time I feel it pull when I slowly lower myself back down, I know what I'm working toward and it feels GOOD!

Do you know what a nasal aspirator is? It's that blue little bulb/baster looking thing they send home after having a baby at the hospital. It is used to remove snot and other fun loogie-type-stringy-stuff from your newborn's nose so they can breathe. I wish they made one that would go inside my belly button and suck out what I've shoved down my mouth for the last 5 years. Sure would make the crunches not seem like I'm being suffocated by my breasts.

Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. Exercise is fun. (insert huffing and puffing here)

And This Is Why I'm Not Working...

2010-08-23T11:09:00.000-07:00

Son is down for a nap..and all is quiet again. He was so cute today. He came running out of school, gave me a big hug, told me he got 'spotted' (they get a puppy paw print sticker..dalmation..spots..for good behavior) and asked if I could take him for a hot cocoa at Starbucks. So, I said, 'how about we get a chocolate milk w/ whipped cream instead of something hot because it's a nice day?' He agreed. So we went and I ordered a tall iced soy latte and he got chocolate milk. We sat and listened to jazz. He danced to the beat of the music and wiggled in his chair while he drank his milk. And we talked about his morning. Then we drove home and he talked more and I listened. And he requested pbj and carrot sticks for lunch. I surprised him w/ strawberries and a rice krispie treat when he was done. And he said, 'mommy, I love that you make my lunch.'

And THIS is why I am not working.

I Got Boobs and I'd Be Happy With A 4-Pack.

2010-08-23T06:13:00.000-07:00

After doing crunches this morning, I know I have muscles. I could feel them tightening. There must be a six-pack hidden under there, right? I might only ever have a four-pack, if I ever could see it someday. I believe the other two-pack is hidden under what has transpired as motherhood boobage.

I'm thinking by Friday I may be in fetal position after my stomach says, WTF!!?!!

I'm An Apple. I Need to Eat More Apples.

2010-08-22T19:36:00.000-07:00

For the past 3 years, I've lost weight, put on weight, lost the weight again and then put on double the weight I lost. I've had many excuses, but I know the reason is I've just been lazy in caring for myself. I made the decision to put myself last at some point and it has killed my self confidence. Our children will all be in school for the first time this fall and tomorrow is the day I start getting some of my 30-something self back, my health and stress in check, and the confidence level I want my children to see and my husband to rediscover as something sexier than the housewife in 'comfy' clothes.

I will continue to post my progress and failures. I'm optimistic for progress.

Wanted: One-Big-Frosty-Salted-Margarita, Extra Booze Please

2010-08-04T07:37:00.000-07:00

I've had the most wonderful opportunity to care for 3 additional kids this summer. And some days, all 9 of the grandchildren in our family were able to spend time together this summer. Here are the revelations that I've come to recognize. Some I've attempted to improve upon. And then, after some hard-core-slap-me-in-the-face realization, I just let it all go and try to get 10 breaths in before I commit myself to the padded room.

1. Kids pick their noses. What they do with their findings isn't always pleasant. I've encouraged tissues, but most days the 'gold' ends up on sleeves, pillows, furniture or most unpleasantly, in a mouth. Does ACT or Crest make mouthwash that truly takes care of boogers? Perhaps a good dose of Listerine would kill the curiosity to dig for gold?

2. Children don't do a good job at wiping their own butts. As much as one would like to think their child is potty-trained at 5 or even 7, the proof is in the underwear. I've attempted to do a 5 kid seminar at the bathroom door, with toilet paper in hand, on the proper way to wipe your caboose. I'm reminded of the age old saying..'you can lead a horse to water...' So, as much as I'd like for my youngest niece to wipe her own butt, the minute I hear her yell, "I'm DONEEEEEEE," I go running to the bathroom. I can usually catch her butt before it slides across the toilet seat and repaints it another color, along with the rest of her backside and she drops her entire dress in the toilet and then requires a wardrobe change. On the days I don't catch her, I keep an extra set of clothes, the paper towels, and Clorox stocked in all the bathrooms.

3. Small children will eat with their fingers and make noises that sound as if they are piglets at a feeding trough. You can put appropriate silverware (the right sized fork, spoon, spork) with a napkin next to the plate, or even two napkins if you deem necessary, but that does not mean they are aware of their existence when they see spaghetti that just beckons a twirling on the finger and a slurping down the hatch. This is followed up by washing it down with a lidded cup with a straw, that they insist on tilting to the ceiling. Inevitably, that 1 millimeter space between the straw and the hole in the lid, lets the chocolate milk run down, their chins and into and on the outsides of the fronts of their shirts. Here's a bit of advice for the maker's of children's shirts.. Don't bother with white or yellow material.

4. The time required to properly and safely secure 6 children in a vehicle before departing..SUCKS. And even though your mini-van touts that is seats 8 persons, what they really meant to say is that it fits 5 adults and the one in the last row can not have legs. Because if you have ever crawled into the 2nd row of a mini-van and tried to buckle those 3 children, (warning..run on sentence) one in a 5 point harness car seat, and 2 in boosters, where the seatbelt latch mechanism is so far hidden in between the seats, not to mention the digging you must do to find it between the actual crack between the van seats, all the while your armpit is smothering a child in the second row and your legs are balanced on the console, hoping it doesn't decide to bust a move while the ice cold soda you prepared for yourself awaits the completion of this feat....you will find this to be the biggest BITCH of your day! Keep your profanities in check.

5. Kids today are just not appreciative. I find myself saying, 'tell Mr. and Mrs. So and So, or your Aunt, your grandma, 'thank you for...' more often than I hear my own kids just instinctively saying the words themselves. It embarrasses me that they are seemingly ungrateful when having not a care in the world and leading such privileged lives. I often wonder if I do not say 'thank you enough' or they don't hear me saying it enough? Or, if because I am conscious of it, I do say it often and they just don't deem it necessary, when something falls into their hands, whether it be a toy they've wanted or someone's time. This needs serious correction and attention. My fall project.

6. The dispensing of toothpaste onto a toothbrush was not meant for those that have not yet cleaned a bathroom. I am convinced toothpaste, no matter the brand or variety, because I have indeed tried them ALL, could be used as a multipurpose adhesive: grout, glue, coagulant to stop bleeding and maybe even wall puddy for hanging photos? If you doubt it's a pain in the *ss to clean up, have a 5 year old spit and smear a half tube all over your bathroom sink, mirror, hand towel and light switch. I bet you'll contemplate the cost difference between having a mouthful of baby teeth yanked and dentures made verses toothpaste and bathroom cleaner over 5 years time.

7. Kids will wait until the last possible moment to pee or poop. If you are leaving, and attempting to be proactive by having them all use the bathroom, it doesn't matter. One or all of the children will inevitably have to pee. And it always comes right when the meal at a restaurant is delivered to your table, you just got into a swimming pool, you just waited in a 45 minute line for an event and finally maneuvered through a very large crowd to find your seats...OR..you just got 5 minutes down the highway on a 5 hour road trip. And, if you are lucky enough to have more than one child requiring full time attention, you get to take them all to the restroom, no matter where you are or how filthy it might be once you get inside. I think most of my trips out of the house are planned around toilet breaks and whose restrooms are the cleanliest.

(still part of #7) And why can't a child dry themselves off when exiting a swimming pool in the quick attempt to get to the toilet before peeing themselves? I mean, if you know 'its' coming, stop doing the potty dance while grabbing yourself and get the flip out of the pool! Grab a towel, dry yourself from the hair down and properly remove your swim suit after entering the bathroom AND, before sitting yourself on the toilet. Wet toilet seats in public places gross me out enough. I'd rather not see that at home and think that someone might have just urinated all over the seat and left it there.

8. Kids don't see the multi-purpose function of a Happy Meal box or kid's meal sack. Sure, it has Littlest Pet Shop and Iron Man printed all over the sides, it is even perforated for your paper ripping pleasure, but really kids...it's dual purpose is a trash receptacle for your garbage when you are done shoveling down the fries, dropping half of the 4 puny little honey mustard laden nuggets on the carpet in the vehicle while you are too enthralled with 101 Dalmations on the DVD player. Not to mention, it would be really nice, if you could keep the straw that I thought would help aide in consuming your chocolate milk, in the bottle itself, rather than painting the windows. Chocolate milk is not a water color. It doesn't make a pretty rainbow when it dries. But you probably already know this since you tried to lick it off so that I didn't see what you were doing as I glared back in the rear-view mirror. A Happy Meal would make even mom 'Happy' if the child could manage to put the fry wrapper, honey mustard container, nugget box, empty drink container, straw and toy wrapper BACK IN THE BOX and carry it with you before departing the vehicle.

9. Kids become really helpless when they know you are close and listening. It's amazing how their legs shut down on a swing, when you just sit down on the bench to read a book. Or how they forget to check the toilet paper roll before they sit down. They forget to put their finished plates in the sink, shut off lights, close doors, make beds, put the dirty laundry where it belongs, turn off the television and handheld devices, and the list goes on...the patience thins...the entrance to the padded cell gets closer.
--------------
This summer hasn't been so much realization for me, as it has been a test of my patience and endurance. When I was pregnant with our twins, my mom told me that this is exactly what I needed. I thought she was nuts. She said, and I knew she was right when she said it but would not have admitted to agreeing with her, 'that I did not have a lot of patience for anyone. My tolerance for learning, taking the time to have others teach me something or give me criticism was not there. My patience for accepting others help was not there because I was a bit of a perfectionist and GOD forbid, they didn't do it MY way. I was impatient and I took this frustration out on others unknowingly.' Perfect recipe for a mom-to-be.

My mother was never more right when she said having twins was exactly what I needed. Add to that, a 3rd child two years later. And to think five years after the first two were born, I took on 6 children. I know there were moments when maybe the neighbors heard me at the top of my lungs but, I don't believe if you asked one of the kids what they remembered about their summer, it would be that mommy/auntie screamed a few times.

They had fun. I had fun. They learned a lot. And I learned more. I learned patience. I learned to pick my battles and arguments. I learned, at 38, when you stop arguing and start listening, children will listen to you. They learned to assess a situation and find their own solutions before tattling. They learned that 5 minutes IS a long time out when you are stuck in the laundry room corner, staring at the spider webs on the window panes and your other 5 cousins are playing outside. They learned that Johnson and Johnson smeared over the lips wasn't worth getting the last word and that it doesn't make the cool bubbles like it does in the bath tub. I learned that children are listening, even when you think they are not. I might have eyes in the back of my head, but they have the hearing of a bat and can repeat even the slightest conversation, verbatim. Curse words clear as day.

I got more than I bargained for this summer with three extra kids. I got a free early childhood development crash course and life's lessons re-learned. It was no vacation overseas and somedays it was no day at the beach, but as a mom who is about
head back into the working world outside of the home, I soaked up every minute of the spunk and vigor of 6 kids who have a voracious zest for life.

6:38 AM and My Awesome Day Begins!

2010-07-17T11:14:00.000-07:00

I finally make it out of the house after forgetting my camera, then the extra camera batteries. Back in the house and the dog needs to pee. The dog is out. Then the dog's leash run gets stuck on a deck chair. Problem solved and the dog is back in the house and I can finally leave.

I back out of the drive, turn on good tunes, and experience a 1/4 mile whiff of skunk funk balanced by the sweet smell of corn fields. I headed towards the hot air balloons in Chillicothe, Illinois, or so I thought. I had a few happy accident stops along my way and really didn't end up at Three Sisters Park until 8 AM, which apparently was too late to see any hot air balloons. While I was bummed about that, prior to arriving at the Balloon Fest entrance, I stopped at St. Mary's (the older church in the cemetery) in Kickapoo and took some photos of reflections of the cemetery in the windows, while focusing on a crucifix and stained glass inside the church.

I decided to follow Trigger Road and then saw a sign for another cemetery that I hadn't been to yet. Dickison Cemetery is in Radnor Township and was established in 1834 by Griffith Dickison. A small cemetery, but it had several uniquenesses that were photo worthy. I found a monkey and an unopened Budweiser toast to a gentleman who would have been a year older than I, but he passed in '07. I also found a lot of grass clippings all over my feet when I got back to my vehicle. They had just mowed and it was thick. The wildlife was also running crazy through that cemetery and it sort of startled me at first. I saw 2 deer, one being a buck that I mistook for someone spying on me until I investigated further and it moved. I also saw 2 frolicking bunnies and a squirrel.

Along 'this?' road, which I have yet to look up on a map, I also found Leslie Rutherford Park. I would highly suggest it for a family outing or a hike. Large fields and lots of trees and wildlife. I will definitely be back this fall. If you'd like to visit it, I'd suggest a map.

After basically doing a u-turn at Three Sister's Park, I decided to hit up the Farmer's Market on the Peoria Riverfront. It was starting to warm up and since I'm not one for temps above 75, I decided to make it a quick trip through there. I picked up some garlic and purple carrots, a bag of peaches and a loaf of French bread. With my purchases in hand, I tried darting back to my vehicle, but saw a few more photo opportunities and took advantage. I've always been attracted to what I refer to as the the fire escape building. I believe it is known by residents and businesses at 401 Water Street. I could walk around that building several times and see so many different camera angles or approaches that would make for a great photo. I limited myself to about 15 minutes of snapping shots and then booked it back to my van.

I had about another hour's worth of time before I knew I should be home because the kids would be done with breakfast and ready to swim and then I should be making the family some lunch. I took the backroads home, as I usually try to do when I'm alone and stopped at the most beautiful field I've seen this summer. I've passed it twice and I couldn't pass it up this morning. The colors speak volumes and just scream SUMMER! Despite the sweat starting to accumulate under my ball cap, I stood out there for a half hour and took in the view through my camera lens, but was eager and ready for some AC. The warmed up dash was now registering 85, ten degrees more than I can handle!

And because I've shared this field location with another blogger, who I consider a more accomplished photographer and still have yet to meet, I'm only posting two of my sunflower photos because she puts me to shame and I look forward to seeing more of her talent with this subject matter.

You Could Fry an Egg on Our Driveway

2010-07-14T13:08:00.000-07:00

It's hot. My mind is fried. Involuntary abstinence does indeed suck. And the new Hy-Vee is sadly, just another grocer.

And no, my mind is not fried from the temperatures this week. Although, climbing in our mini-van earlier today, quite possibly, could have done some slight damage. My brain is actually a bit mushy from all the business of caring for 6 children under the age of 7.

For the past couple of weeks, my family and I have been hosting my sister's children for an extended summer vacation. Our kids are all of the same age range, and between the normal kid fights and lack of much needed naps, they have truly been enjoying this summer. It will be one they won't forget. They've been riding bikes, playing squirt guns, taking swim lessons, swimming in our pool at home, playing on our playground and swings, enjoying local parks, seeing movies, visiting relatives and taking in a lot of Vitamin D from summer's abundance of sunshine.

One recent observance of mine is Trojan® has nothing on this new found form of birth control, involuntary abstinence (extra kid care). By the end of my days over the past few weeks, with 3 of our own children and my sister's three on vacation here, I have not one ounce of physical energy left, much less any enthusiasm to jump on my husband. But mentally after hours of constant movement and child entertainment, it's like clocking off 2ND shift of a service job and needing to relax or wind down for a few hours before heading to bed. This part is awful, because I find myself showered, in bed or on the couch, wide awake, while my husband's mind had been working in overdrive all day at the office and is now turned off and the snoring has begun. Thank goodness, it's only 4 days and 3 nights a week.

----Insert review of new Hy-Vee here...
I do believe I am a glutton for punishment. Perhaps this is my wild side eagerly and somewhat sneaky-like trying to reel me to some dark side? My mom and I ventured out with all 6 kids yesterday to visit the new Hy-Vee at Sheridan Village. I was determined to park by a cart corral, as it is a force of habit with me. So, I rounded the parking lot once before spying a woman with one bag left to put in her trunk. We parked center aisle, and near Smoothie King. While vehicles were jam packed in there, carts were sparse throughout the lot. We were lucky to secure two of them and then were able to strategically place 4 of the kids inside the carts. The other two kids we had climb on and ride to the door. The parking lot was bustling like the early 80s as I remember it, but also rude with honking horns and fingers and arms flying in gesture, yet not surprising on a hot and steamy opening day in July, 2010.

The store was shoulder to shoulder, cart to cart with patrons just as crazy as us for venturing out at early lunchtime on a weekday. The store offered an expected array of specials as heard through the online grapevine. Also offering a host of freebies and chaos. I was trying to take note of any items that would catch my eye or prices that would keep me coming back. Nothing really jumped at me. There were a few organizational aspects that made food items aesthetically pleasing and 'available' in a convenient eye level and reach of the arm, sort of way. Beyond that, the check out lines reminded me of a ladies restroom line during intermission at a Broadway show or a high profile concert performance. I had 14 items. Two above the allotted 12 items or less lane requirement. Luckily, I was spied by a manager, or perhaps it was the kids now in meltdown mode, that got us moved to one of those 12 items or less checkers. His name tag read Ben D. Because I had a lot of 'special offer items' he had to type in a lot of codes, which gave me a few minutes to ponder that name tag. All I kept thinking was how his name could have been one used in pranks when I was in high school. Poor guy. I'm hoping his last name was Davidson and not Dover.

I will probably go back sometime. There was nothing special about the store, but I do like a good selection of product, polished floors, a clean store, good lighting and employees ready to please. I'm hoping they continue to live up to their opening day hype.
----End insert.

I am overjoyed to be sharing these six weeks of childcare with my mom and my other sister and her family, because I'm realizing I could not have done it all on my own. On the day I hand them back over to the other family members, I do have a sigh of relief as I'm ready to enjoy my own family, JUST US. It makes me appreciate how quiet our house is without an additional 3 youngsters. Our own kids need some quality time with mommy and daddy during the week and more importantly, my husband and I need quality time together even if we have to lock ourselves in our bedroom! We've learned to utilize time when we get it, even if it's literally just minutes.

I look forward to tomorrow. We have a swim lesson in the morning, then lunch, then nap/rest time and then I get to hand off the extra three kiddies to my sister. They are usually ready to go as we've had our share of each other for the week and we could all just use a break.

I'm also looking forward to some reprieve from this heat and I'm hoping August brings some cooler temps!

Dad's Day

2010-06-19T23:14:00.000-07:00

It is a celebration with my husband because he is an AWESOME dad and his greatness needs no explanation around here, just ask any one of our kids. They go running to him every day when he gets home from work. "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!!!" He lets them get muddy and grass stained. He lets them do adventurous (cough cough..dangerous) activities that I would hesitate over. He lets them get their hands dirty. He lets them swim in the bathtub. And supposedly he gives better kisses, because mine our too sloppy and our one daughter always wipes mine off her face...!?? He also gives great hugs and he says, "I love you" every day and night.

It is also a sad day for me because my own father has passed.

I'm feeling a bit melancholy as I sit here and type this at 1:37 AM (the only time it is truly quiet in this house). The only thing that keeps coming to my mind is that I'm so thankful my husband is the father to our kids, that my dad was to me. Our children get to enjoy living as kids and not having a care in the world because he works very hard to provide that for them. My father liked my husband when I first introduced them, while we were dating. My dad probably knew a lot more than I did at that time and he's probably wishing he could say..'I told you so!'

In my mind, my dad spends his days sitting on a John Deere in heaven with charcoal heating up on a Weber ('cause GOD knows a real man doesn't use gas!'), smoking and drinking a beer, while he laughs at all the goofy things our children say and do, while we try to keep up with them!

And I owe a 'thank you' to my father-in-law, although I doubt he'll ever read this. Even before we knew my dad was terminally ill, my father-in-law had always done the 'dad' type things for us and continues to do so. He endlessly helps us do repairs with our house. When he visits he can't sit still. He will mow the lawn. Fix anything that needs fixing. Clean anything 'outdoors' because he still likes to live in the '50s stereotype, but that's ok, because I'm not great at using a power washer. He'll run to the hardware store. And he also makes our kids very happy. I do say 'thank you' and appreciate everything he does do for us. I know if my dad were around, we'd probably have so much help, I wouldn't have a honey-do list for my husband!

Happy Father's Day!

Rainy Days and Mondays

2010-06-14T06:32:00.000-07:00

Love the Carpenters...love them! I need to find my records because a cd just doesn't sound the same.

Yeah..it's been raining for what seems like a monsoon season around here. Enough with tornadoes and thunderstorms, high winds and endless rain! I'm getting a bit annoyed and tired of it. It's not like a cool rain that brings the temperatures back to normal and the humidity ceases. No. It seems like this rain just keeps coming and brings more humidity with it. I think mother nature needs to give it a rest so we can enjoy summer!

This is the prelude to a dry, cool summer, right? And this week I'll be able to turn off the AC, open the windows and sit outside without mosquitos, right? And our plants will be flourishing because they've had so much rain? And the kids will go to bed so soundly because they've played outside all day and are just exhausted? And the rest of my summer will be as sunshiney as the dress Karen Carpenter is wearing?!?!?!?!

Summer Is Here

2010-06-03T06:18:00.001-07:00

In a previous post, I said my summer started June 1st. It's here.

I'm not a huge fan of summer. There is a list at least a mile long of the reasons I dislike it, but every summer since my husband and I have had children, I try to make the summer about them, rather than myself. I remember having great summers as a kid. I want them to experience all that 'greatness.' I remember being outdoors all summer long and I don't remember any of the negatives that tend to bring me down as an adult. I really try to see these 4 months through my kids experiences and appreciate summer's potential and what I can relearn and experience again.

Summer's BEST through my children's senses:

1. Sand.
The texture through fingers and toes excites them. Whether it's 4 new bags in the sandbox, a huge cup of water poured over it, or feeling it flow out of the hole intended for the umbrella in the middle of the sandbox; the FEEL of sand is gritty, crumbly, pasty and pure summer fun!

2. Playgrounds.
Whether it be the new one we are so thankfully inheriting from a very generous neighbor or one of the many in the park district, the sensation of flying down a curly slide..even better on your tummy, swinging to the sky (and then jumping off!), standing at the top of a tower and yelling down at friends or jumping onto a fireman's pole and sliding down till your butt hits ground is exhilarating enough to want to do it over and over and over again. I wish there was an adult sized one around town! I still enjoy swinging. Tire swings...even better!

3. Popsicles.
No matter the size or the flavor, these are always a culinary, cool-down, delight. Oh, each child does have a flavor preference (changing daily) and because they usually come 50 in a box, there is never a problem finding the favorite color and plenty to share with the neighborhood kids.

4. Swimming.
We are all signed up for lessons, thanks to some local parent input! I haven't decided on what size pool we will have in the backyard, but we will have one soon. Splashing is one of summer's best feelings and the cool water feels so good on a hot summer day. Sometimes, they don't even mind being tossed in by mom or dad!

5. Bugs.
Worms (best after a rain). June Bugs (hearing them crunch as they get whacked). Wasps (watching them create a nest is so cool). Bumble Bees (seeing who can find the hugest ones over a row of flowers is so exciting on an early morning). Flies (the thrill of being able to wield a fly swatter at age 5...pure excitement). Gnats (gnat hats...the huge gathering of them that sometimes assimilates over one's head for no apparent reason and then follows that person...a child AND adult conundrum). Spiders (long legs is fine, hairy little ones scampering across the bedroom floor, late at night at very high speeds is worthy of a high pitched scream) . Mosquitos (can't stand the bites, but being able to identify them and tell mom every 5 seconds where a new one has landed is very informative and preventative in nature). Lightening Bugs (Best summer bug of all time! The more you can catch, the merrier your home-made Mason jar flashlight will be).

6. Small town Carnivals.
Sugary, greasy goodness! And oh the rides!

7. Fun driving with the windows DOWN!
Our kids, like our Beagle, love to have their face skin flapping near an open vehicle window. I accommodate this request as much as possible because we usually ride with windows down, no radio on and lots of laughing and giggles coming from the backseat. And the fun driving comes into play on an open stretch of road (Devil's Washboard Road in Glasford is a good stretch of road OR the hills on W. Middle Road from behind the Peoria Airport heading to Cameron Lane!) and slightly speeding or swerving just to create that fluttery stomach feeling!

8. Minimal clothing.
I think our kids have been exhibitionists since birth. They didn't inherit that from my husband or myself! But, if they could get by in just undies while playing outside, they would. I try to accommodate their 'lifestyle' by purchasing tank tops, comfortable thin shorts and flip flops, so as not to make the neighbors talk. 'This' bare minimum is required to play outside and seems to be 'ok', but they still insist on getting totally soaked or filthy down to the covered parts!

9. Garden Hose.
The pure thrill of grabbing it while mom and dad are engrossed in yard work and THEN finding out that you have control of it and can hose whatever you want with shockingly cold water!! Oh the joy!

10. Slip-n-Slides.
The longer the better. As a kid, I learned you could put several together OR...add on with black, industrial strength garbage bags. We have a really great hill in our front yard and the kids are now at the age where you don't have to 'toss' their body down the slide. Adding greasy sunscreen makes them go even faster..or so I was told.

11. Ice Cream.
Any kind. ANY WAY...in a cone, soft serve, waffle cone, banana split, milk shake, Breyers, Edy's, Blue Bunny, DQ, Spotted Cow, or any treat from a local Dairy Barn type...serving it up from a window! (OK, this is probably MY summer's BEST but, the kids never complain when I say ice cream)

12. Trails and Paths.
The mystery of not knowing where you'll go or what you'll find and then the discovery of the end can entertain sight, smell, touch and feel. Taste might not be so good on a trail, but because of our kid's ages, taste happens. My husband and a neighbor recently mowed paths through a field that we share between our houses. The kids run through there almost every day coming to the back door with a new discovery or finding.

13. The night sky.
Where we live, we can see so many stars and their patterns at night. We can also see city lights (Yes, Peoria has a skyline!) and we also have the BEST lightening shows. We can't wait for July 4th!!

14. Hot Dogs and S'Mores.
In asking my kids what their favorite things about summer included, they said...'the food.' So I asked, what kinds of foods do you like? And knowing full well they would not give me the answer of 'the delicious Sea Bass dad grills' or 'the perfectly grilled Ribeye with sweet potato fries,' it came out exactly as I imagined. Hot dogs and s'mores. Cooking anything where you can use a iron stick with a sharp poker on the end...OVER FIRE...is pure KID FUN in the summertime!

In talking with our kids and creating this list, I remember summer being a GREAT BIG LOAD of sensory overload and never wanting it to end. August comes way too fast. Slow down. Get lost. Get sticky. Stick out your tongue and taste raindrops. Because at the end of a great summer day is an underwater sea adventure waiting in a bathtub full of bubbles with mermaid Barbies and 32 oz. tumbler cups for drenching siblings!

Dog Eat Dog World

2010-05-28T19:04:00.000-07:00

Today my dogs are barking and we lost our vet.

I totally buggered up my pinky toe today. I was vacuuming and turned around quick and whacked my foot into a wall that somehow, moved in front of me unannounced. This injury wasn't your normal stubbing type, where you might just mutter a quiet profanity under your breath. It was the all out screaming, 'oh *$%@,' crying type. I'm sure our kids were wondering if they should call 911.

I heard the toe pop when it hit the wall and thought, 'this can't be good.' But, in my persistence to be able to enjoy the present holiday weekend and not have to do loads of housework and cleaning, I kept going with my vacuuming. Despite my efforts to avoid the throbbing, I had to keep my foot turned up so that I wasn't in complete and utter immobile pain. My family would probably tell you I have hypochondriac tendencies toward illness, germs and pain but, just to refute those ideas, I was actually told by a doctor during one of my two c-section deliveries, my tolerance for pain was quite high. So, on I went about my day; vacuuming, picking up, making lunch, mopping the tile and hardwood. Then I took a shower. That was the end all. It was then I noticed not only was I in massive pain just from one little pinky toe, but that toe was now a deep purple and really crooked.

When my husband got home we went to a First Care. I got some mental reprieve because the kids and husband went to PetSmart to get our dog some special diet food (my rant about that will come shortly.) I got to spend the next hour at the First Care with a doctor that was quite difficult to understand, yet ordered x-rays and concluded that I broke my toe. I saw the complete break in the bone on the x-ray. I get to wear a lovely orthopedic shoe for four weeks. You know the fashion statement variety resembling a really bad slip on sandal with velcro? Yep, that's it. I'm not so thrilled this is how my summer will start. I had high hopes of wearing fun flip flops with pedicured feet. Now, I'll be sporting one ogre foot in a blue flat shoe instead.

Now, about the loss of our vet.

About a year ago, we tried to get our dogs teeth cleaned. To do this, we were required to do a pre-anesthetic blood work up. The results showed that our 10 year old dog had some kidney issues that could potentially turn bad if we didn't make some changes. We started with her food. Upon the Vet's recommendation, we switched it from an adult variety to a prescription food to help with kidney function. The 20 pound bag went from $27 a bag (PetSmart) to $50 a bag (same brand but only offered through our vet). I about freaked when I heard the new price we'd be paying to keep our 'first baby' fed, alive and kicking. So, I did some research online and through other vets and found out that the price I'd save with ordering online would not balance the price I'd pay for shipping 20 pound bags. So, I stuck with the vet.

Recently, East Peoria PetSmart opened a pet vet clinic inside their store. I decided to call and see if they offered the food. And sure enough, they did. AND for $6 less than our vet. The only request was the Rx script from our vet. So, I called the vet, told them I found a cheaper place to purchase the food and asked if I could have a script. They said, 'sure, but we charge $20 for the script every six months.' I was shocked. I asked them if they were serious and why they did this. The vet tech told me they did it to insure pet safety because of the prescription. Now, I'm not stupid and all I heard was 'KA-ching.'

Yes, it's only $6. But, $6 adds up over a years time and the principle of this just pissed me off. We have taken our dog to them since we got her from PAWS. They would have seen her for what would have been 11 years this fall. In the conversation with the vet tech, I was told that she'd ask the Vet if they could just charge us $20 for a year's script. I said, 'I don't think you are understanding me because I am not paying you anything to purchase the same brand of dog food elsewhere for a cheaper price. If you can not waive this 'all of the sudden fee,' we will find a new vet.' I went on to tell the vet tech that I did not want a new vet. I liked their service and that they've always been great with our dog and she loves going there. They've gotten us in for emergency situations and even if we just needed her toenails trimmed, always made room for us. I really didn't want to leave, but if making $40, or even $20 bucks off of us was more important than giving a loyal customer the script to save some money on food, then we'd be finding a new vet.

I didn't hear back from them for over 2 weeks. We had just purchased a small bag of our dog's old food to get us by until this was resolved. Well, we ran out yesterday and today my husband called the vet back. He told them to either have the script ready, be able to price match the food price or have the dog's medical records ready when he got there in 45 minutes. When he arrived, they had her medical records ready because the vet had decided that this was policy. Now, whether this policy just occurred today or it had been in place for years is unknown. I imagine it evolved because one customer, ME, decided to rock the boat. I wonder how many other people, mainly those that don't want to travel far for food or even have internet access to price compare, just pay out the yang because they aren't informed that you CAN go elsewhere and you DON'T have to get nickel and dime'd for an Rx script!!???

It's business. I know. But, customer loyalty keeps business and so does maintaining some sort of ethics in regards to client relationships. Obviously, we were just another dollar in your daily deposit Meadows Veterinary Clinic. And to lose a 10 year patient rapport, because you are too caught up in your $20 script fee charge, in my opinion, is just assanine.

When It Rains, It Really Rains

2010-05-24T15:50:00.000-07:00

So, the last 2 days, mother nature has 'blessed' (insert HUGE sarcasm on that word) us with warm summer temperatures. Summer for me should not start until June 1st. May is a transition month. It is that time where my body adjusts to the idea that I will sweat myself for the next three and a half months whenever I go from house to vehicle or vehicle to another air conditioned building. I will tell you when temps go above 75 without a huge breeze, I'm uncomfortable, bitchy and not that fun to be around. I seriously need to think about relocating further north. Planted roots of good family and friends keep me here and I guess I shouldn't leave out the big yellow provider, that which is my husband's employer.

So, we moved during cooler winter months to this new house and never checked the AC. And it doesn't work. No surprise there. For the past 2 days I've been sweating my arse off just 'living.' I can't even think about doing dishes or throwing in a load of laundry without sweating. And giving the kids a bath...OMG... If someone could recycle and purify what comes dripping off me while I'm in the heat-laden bathroom giving them a bath, we could bathe 3 more kids!

And speaking of our kids, they are the reason I knew the basement was raining like a jungle today. I sent them to the basement this morning to play while I cleaned up the kitchen. They came upstairs after about a half hour with a backpack that had been leaning up against one painted cement wall in our basement. They said the wall was raining. I asked how fast the rain was falling and they said, 'well, it's just wet.' I thought, that is better than RAIN, but I better check it out. So, as I am going down the hallway to the basement, I looked quickly at the thermostat. 85..and it wasn't even noon!

I get to the basement and start looking at the walls and at first I didn't notice anything. As I felt them, it was like they were sweating..ALL OVER! Brilliantly (and in retrospect..not so much!), we thought we'd turn on the 'fan' instead of the AC last night just to pull the cool air (which is usually about 15 degrees cooler) to the upstairs. It worked for a bit, but not as good as we'd hoped. As the cool air dispersed upstairs, the basement was getting warmer causing the walls to get damp..and then as our kids put it, 'rain' and leave small puddles on parts of our tile. In layman's terms..a big mother-expletive-expletive mess!

So, I spent the better portion of my morning finding an AC repair company to come out ASAP. This is quite difficult on the first 90 degree day of the year. I wouldn't suggest it. I had two companies in mind and it came down to who could get here sooner. A friend of mine recommended a service person from one company, whom I actually know personally. I just felt weird calling when I knew he'd be booked solid, which he is until late this evening. I called the other company, booked the appointment and the earliest they had was tomorrow after noon. As I sat here thinking about how the other guy knew my family and would probably do his best for me, I thought what the hell and called him too. He was super busy, booked back to back all day and told me to call back at 5 PM and he'd see what he could do. I teetered with that since I already had the other appointment.

All the while, the walls continued to sweat and rain. I called my husband and asked what we should do about the walls because I didn't want furniture, toys, electronics to get ruined because of this and it would not have time to turn into something we couldn't fix. He suggested a dehumidifier, a hose so we wouldn't have to empty it and fans to direct the air. I went to local home supply store, dropped a load of money along with a $25 gift card (thank you to that housewarming gift giver) and came home with the supplies. After getting it all out of the boxes, to the basement and hooked up. I came upstairs and was no longer teetering about the phone call to the favored, yet extremely busy AC repairman.

Called the 'family-known and friend-recommended' repairman back and he said he could not get me in tonight and was very apologetic. He said he could try after 9 PM, but still wasn't sure if he'd be able to get to our place. I told him to not worry about it as I had someone coming at noon tomorrow. I was honest from the beginning about having called another company because they could get me in and his company wouldn't be able to schedule me until Wednesday and I was desperate.

Five minutes later my cell phone rang and it was the same repairman calling me back. Said, if I could call the office, he could come out at 8 AM. I told him he really didn't have to worry about it and I felt bad for having called him directly. But he said he didn't want me to get screwed over or talked into something we didn't need if it was just a quick cleaning and fix. So, he told me to call his office and give them my info and he'd be here at 8 AM. He's a good guy and I'm glad I was encouraged into calling him. I called the other business back and cancelled my service call and I'm guessing some other sweaty soul will be very appreciative.

Tonight we are headed out for dinner with some coupons given to me by a friend. And then to see a movie with coupons from the backs of Kroger receipts (buy one get one!). And we will soak up the air conditioning for as long as possible. The coupons hardly compensate for the dehumidifier, 3 box fans, one hose and a service call with the potential to be expensive, but for a few hours, 'I' won't be raining. I'm hoping for no rain tomorrow and much COOLER temps!

1:16 AM

2010-05-22T23:16:00.000-07:00

I remember when I didn't know 1:16 AM existed.

I remember when 1:16 AM was a curfew I'd never have.

I remember when 1:16 AM meant the night was still young.

I remember when 1:16 AM meant I was going to see the sun rise because I had a deadline at 9 AM.

I remember when 1:16 AM meant we were just putting in our third movie for the all night marathon.

I remember when 1:16 AM meant a diaper change, another feeding, more rocking and lots of praying that you didn't wake up the other sleeping child(ren).

I am now listening to the ceiling fan, my husband snore and frogs croaking non-stop. I'm milking this time to myself while I think about what I'd like to do later today... when I wake up...in 6 hours...which is going to come too soon.

Friday I'm in Love

2010-05-21T16:47:00.000-07:00

It's Friday and I'm listening to this Direct TV station I just discovered called Flashback/New Wave, Channel 839. It's 80s and 90s alternative and I enjoy having it on in our family room when I'm relaxing on the weekends. The Cure was just on with 'Friday I'm in Love.' The lyrics pretty much have summed up my weekdays and Fridays since childhood. The only line I never liked was 'thursdays i don't care about you.' That line sucked.

"I don't care if monday's blue
tuesday's grey and wednesday too
thursday i don't care about you
it's friday I'm in love"

As a kid, the weekdays were filled with school, both of my parents working, but when Friday night hit, we'd do something as a family. We rarely stayed in on Fridays, even if the outing was just to go for a drive to get us out of the house. We'd also go to dinner, a concert in the park, drive-ins when they were still around, or over to friends and relatives. I don't remember it ever costing a lot, but now that I'm a parent, I'm sure they had to budget for those Fridays. I appreciate so much more about my parents after understanding what one salary affords. I have wonderful memories of going to a pub type restaurant, or out for pizza, being able to order whatever we wanted and get soda. Getting soda was a real treat because we did not get it at home. We grew up drinking Nestea, Tang and Kool-aid. And there was always tap water. But getting a bottle of Pepsi or Coke made us feel special and all grown up. We hung out as a family having good conversation and just spending time together. As we got older, we got to invite friends along and they got to spend the night.

As a teenager, Fridays meant footballs games in the fall and going out with friends. We'd meet up for a movie or go cruising down Main Street in Peoria. We'd drive slowly down the street, sometimes coming to a stop, waving and screaming at other kids. We'd usually end up at Lum's or a late night diner and take up tables so we'd have a place to sit and talk until we had to leave to make curfews.

In college, Friday's usually meant work, whether it be homework or one of the four jobs I kept. But occasionally, I'd have one Friday off and when I did, they were that much sweeter. The Saturday mornings that followed, not so much. I learned to appreciate those Fridays and any time I had free. I had to work so hard to get that free time and the money I'd spend while enjoying it.

Tonight, after a long day with the kids (stayed home this morning and got caught up on some day-to-day, ran to Peoria this afternoon for a few things = long day), I decided we'd stay in tonight. Every Friday...and I mean EVERY Friday, I look forward to my husband coming home. And not just for the help with the kids, but I miss him. I was prepping dinner when he got home and he was just in time to see how muddy the kids had gotten. I let them play outside in rain boots as it poured. They were a mess, but they had so much fun. Spring showers, rain boots, puddles on the back porch, mud and Dreamsicles..which I even gave them before dinner to their surprise. We had them strip down in the laundry room and he gave them baths. We all made dinner together and ate as a family with no rushing off or hurriedness to our meal. The kids goofed off and complained about the green stuff on their plates, while my husband and I talked about our plans for this weekend. It was good family time. Just like I remembered having as a child.

It doesn't matter how hectic the week is... if the kids and I have some long days... if my husband and I have an argument and barely get to see each other throughout our day... how crazy our family and friends lives are that week... we live for that Friday time. This time brings us back together and replenishes us for the week ahead.

As I'm finishing this up, it's quiet now. Peaceful. Calm. The kids are all in bed and my husband is upstairs listening to the kids talk about their day. Friday I'm in Love...all over again.

Observation of the Day

2010-05-19T17:14:00.001-07:00

Purchasing mattresses for kids bunk beds is just as difficult as getting those same kids to eat.

Big. Fat. GRRRRR!

Sunday Driving on a 'Big Green Tractor'

2010-05-16T22:44:00.000-07:00

One of our son's favorite songs is "Big Green Tractor" by Jason Aldean. I suppose at 3 years old, the lyrics to that song seem pretty awesome when you are bellowing them out to your mom from the backseat of the mini-van or while sitting in her lap watching the youtube for the song.

"...And I can take you for a ride on my big green tractor
We can go slow or make it go faster
Down through the woods and out to the pasture
'Long as I'm with you it really don't matter..."

But today, I got some alone time for about three hours. It was fantabulous! I found a radio station boasting to be 'hippie' and for 'baby boomers' but, the songs were from the the 60s and 70's and they weren't really from the era of my parents. And I thought they were baby boomers? I think the radio station was a little whacked in boasting the description of themselves, but good music none the less. And so I was off down the road, headed west.

I was in search of a few cemeteries I wanted to photograph. It ended up being five cemeteries, so I sort of hit the unexpected jackpot. I had looked these cemeteries up on Bing.com before leaving the house and had even screen captured the maps on my laptop before I left. I got lost. I'm not quite sure how this happened, but I admit, I am horrible at reading maps. I can read the sun however, it wasn't out today and with the cloudy skies and drizzle, not to mention the winding county and dirt roads, it just threw me off in my quest.

I really don't mind getting lost. After living in Chicago for about 5 years, one important lesson (out of many) that I learned about driving is that you can always...ALWAYS turn around and go back the same way. It might take a great stretch of road, a shady neighborhood, a few potholes and some time, but you can always turn around. I'm not afraid to stop and ask for directions. I refuse to use a GPS. I feel like it's cheating when it's just me and I have the time to make a wrong turn. I already looked up where the points of interest were located and I new the general direction I was headed and the main roads to travel. I figure I would just take off in that direction and at some point, I would see signs for the first destination. I have always driven this way. I love the road less traveled.

This afternoon, on the road 'less traveled,' I got lost. So, on three separate occasions, I had to stop and ask directions. In all three towns where I stopped, everyone was so cordial and helpful. I really love small towns for this reason. Everyone in these 'population of less than 1000' towns people know an outsider, but they are willing to help you find your way around. So, I got pointed in the right direction and my trip was awesome.

My last stop before heading back home was in Fairview, IL at the QuickStop Gas Station. When I pulled in, I noticed 3 pumps. On the two sides of where I pulled in were what I call 'monster trucks.' These are the extended quad cab, rumbling kind with huge tires and steps to get up into them. And on the third pump I see a John Deere garden tractor with a trailer. And all I could think is 'only in a small town!' I was furiously shoving my credit card into the gas pump machine so I could get my tank filled before the mystery driver came out from paying inside. I wanted a photo of that tractor at the pump just for giggles. You just don't see that every day in town.

The gas was still pumping when this older guy came walking out of the QuickStop Mart and got back on his tractor. Thank goodness he chatted it up with the driver of the monster truck next to me (they knew each other, of course), so I had time to finish and speed up behind him as he pulled out from the lot. The picture below was all I got, but he was definitely the epitome of 'Sunday country driver!' The bright orange triangle hazard sign in the back is practical, but what he really needs is a red bandana just tied on to the back.

Food Products That Tick Me Off.

2010-05-14T23:01:00.000-07:00

1. The packet of frosting that accompanies a Toaster Strudel is about just barely a tablespoon and it isn't enough.
2. 'Easy Squeeze' ketchup and mustard containers are never easy. First you have to tap it down. Then you squirt the bottle and it comes out so fast that it gets on everything BUT the bun.
3. Bagged lettuce is great if you intend on eating the entire bag in one sitting. And if you don't, it's rusty the next day.
4. Syrup. Now there's a product that needs Easy Squeeze! I would prefer not to grab the container out of the pantry and have my hand stick to it.
5. Bread needs better preservatives. I mean if Wonder Bread wants to really call itself that, then figure out the correct amount of preservatives so the bread isn't growing green fuzz in 3 days on the counter.
6. Gogurt, you're packaging is just horrifically messy. I want you to watch my children eat one in the backseat of a mini-van. And I even froze them first! Your product should come with a wet wipe, just like the new Always Clean panty-liners.
7. Ortega taco shells, you might as well be Ortega chips. By the time you are on my plate, filled with yummy goodness, and after the first bite, you crumble into 17 (sometimes more) chips.
8. Dole and Chiquita (cause I'm not partial). What's up with selling green bananas? Don't you know they give you a stomach ache if you eat them that color?
9. Pre-packaged meals that serve 4. Didn't the last census (or some household finding) conclude that most families have 2 adults and 2.5 kids. Where are you getting 4 servings? Seriously, can you up those portions to a nice round '5' servings.
10. Breyers and Edy's Ice Cream. You're not fooling anybody with your new smaller containers. I've been an ice cream-aholic since I hit puberty, and believe me, I know when you're skimping!
11. What happened to regular sized candy bars? When I take three kids through a check out aisle, they do not need 'King Size' sugary goodness.
12. Chicken people (and I'm not listing a brand because you are all guilty). I do not like having to use my kitchen utility scissors to take off all the little fat dangly pieces when I want a nice pretty piece of chicken to cook. Clean that up already before slapping it into the package!
13. Nuts. Why are you so expensive?
14. Hot dogs and buns. Could you work your quantity issues out so that you might match buns to dogs? Is it really that hard?
15. I want an adult sized Twinkie. I mean the current size was ok when I was a kid, but now that I'm an adult, I feel the need to have a larger cake portion and more filling.
16. Starbucks. Your Frappucino in a bottle should not be called Frappucino. It isn't a Frappucino. And it tastes nothing like the frosty blended one, topped with whipped cream from the drive-thru!

There are more, but it's 1:32 AM and I'm tired.

*Note to product brands...I don't know how to insert the 'TM' and 'R, with a circle around it' behind your names yet, but when I figure it out (and I will), I will correct my problem going forward.

The House That Built Me

2010-05-12T22:48:00.000-07:00

"You leave home and you move on and you do the best you can
I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am"

My parents would have celebrated forty years of marriage this year. My mom has lived without her husband (my dad) for pretty much the last ten years. He was diagnosed with dementia in the fall of 2000 and passed away 2 years ago, this October. These past ten years, she was living alone in her marriage. Living alone in the house she and my father built in 1972. ...The house that built me.

I was barely walking when we moved to the country. I don't remember it except for the photographs that were taken. My parents bought over two and half acres of bean field. This was total farm land when they bought it. It's now grass with mature trees, a fenced in garden with 5 raised beds consisting of one herb garden and 4 vegetable gardens and a patch of strawberries that have taken over the path between two of the raised beds, two rows of fruit trees, a small row of Concord grapes, some raspberry bushes, a flower garden, numerous lilac bushes, flowers and so many memories for me.

I saw the Miranda Lambert video a few days ago after hearing the song on the radio. I was immediately saddened. I knew that even before my father's passing, some day my mom would sell our family home. It is getting more difficult for her to take care of the property and house, although she has been doing it pretty much alone for the past 10 years. But, it's getting to be more than she can handle. And now that she is retired and is still young enough to go out and enjoy living her life, she doesn't need so much house. She has offered to sell it to my husband and I on a couple of occasions. I know she doesn't want to see it go as much as I don't. But, I know we couldn't give her what it's worth. It was just a bean field 38 years ago, but even though the house is a modest 4 bedroom, 2 bath ranch, it's prime real estate now. And although I love the neighbors, the land and the house because of all of the memories, there is just something about moving on and creating my own life by starting from scratch.

Like the video, I relate to the lyrics where she sings,

"I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I walk around I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me."

Memories...
Every time I do the drive to the house, memories just come flooding back. I think of how the road was dirt and gravel when my parents built the house and how I learned to ride a bike on that dirt road. I remember totally buggering up my arm as I flew off my bike and how my mom was there to fix me up. I think of all the nights I drove home late on those roads and how my parents were probably up worrying. Every time I pull in the drive, I think of how my siblings and I would play hopscotch, hula-hoop, volleyball or basketball in the driveway.

I think of walking in the garage and it smelling just like my dad. It's a mix of years being made to smoke his cigarettes outside the house, exhaust and mixtures of gasoline from lawn mowers, tillers, chain saws, etc. That is THE best way of remembering my dad. He was an outdoorsy type. The same John Deere lawn mower that my parents bought in '72, still sits in that garage and still mows my parents yard! If that isn't a testament to John Deere, I'm not sure what is. Most of my dad's tools still sit in the garage, a few fishing poles on the wall, his work bench with vice is still there, as are some of his memories from past jobs. The garage is a huge memory in itself.

We always entered the house through the garage. There is a front porch and front door, but we always entered through the garage. I'm not sure why. Perhaps we were all addicted to the smell of gasoline? But the kitchen is the next best thing in the house that built me. My mom is an excellent cook and our house bustle was centralized to 'the kitchen.' Wonderful smells and a lot of love came from that kitchen. And a lot of excellent communication happened at our kitchen table.

I remember learning to make so many recipes with my mom in the kitchen. Home made pasta, chocolate chip cookies, fried chicken, real mashed potatoes, chili and chicken soup that that can still fix a cold or a hurting soul. I had my last spanking over my dad's leg in that kitchen when I was around nine, I think. When you have to lay over 2 legs instead of just one, you are probably getting too old for spankings. I learned about reproduction at the kitchen table. My mother was a nurse, with a lot of medical books containing diagrams that were biological, yet totally self explanatory, and 'the talk' happened one afternoon before dinner. I never wanted to be anywhere else so bad, as I was old enough, but my siblings giggled through the entire dreadful hour. As I look back on that day, humiliating as it was as, I'm thankful this particular life lesson happened at our family table, rather than the backseat of some boyfriend's vehicle. I remember the many wonderful holiday meals we shared as a family, with immediate and extended family and my parents 25th surprise wedding anniversary party, my siblings and I hosted. It just seemed appropriate to celebrate that many years and to have everyone present around that one room. The kitchen has seen 2 updates over the past 38 years, but I can remember so many memories right down to the green and yellow wallpaper kitchen of the 70's, the mauve and country blue kitchen of the 80's and 90's and the current Tuscan painted walls of this decade.

"...Mama cut out pictures of houses for years
From Better Homes and Gardens magazine
Plans were drawn and concrete poured
Nail by nail and board by board
Daddy gave life to mama’s dream"

I could go room by room through that entire house. Every room, every hallway, closet and nook has a special memory. Not all the memories are of good times, but every family has their share of tribulations and times that make them tougher in the end.

I have memories of the yard and woods behind it, and of being a child who grew up outside. I played outside in the dirt before grass grew. I rode my tricycle and later a banana seat, then a 10 speed, over every hill in that yard and through trails my dad mowed for us in the woods. I had a neighbor friend, as a child, who happened to be a boy, with whom I dug tunnels and ran Matchbox cars through. We once got stuck in my parent's garden after a heavy rain and they had to lay down railroad ties to pull us out. The mud was like quicksand. I lost my boots, socks, pants and gloves that day. I also remember getting into deep trouble afterwards for having been in there in the first place. I remember having slumber parties where my dad would cart my girlfriends and I around in a trailer hooked to the John Deere. He'd drive us around the yard and down the road for what seemed like hours. I remember pulling weeds in the strawberries, which seemed to multiply by the thousands overnight. I remember having the potential of getting paid $1 for picking a paper grocery bag of dandelions. I think I did this once and I only got fifty cents because I got tired. I remember having my first kiss at 13 maybe, on the grass at dusk, laying (more like hiding) next to the asparagus patch on the south side of my parents garage. And it was a really good kiss. Thank goodness for that talk at the kitchen table. I knew exactly what I was doing!

I remember the harvest every year. Sounds like we lived on a farm, doesn't it? And most of the time when I say I grew up in the country, this is what people will assume. We had a garden and we couldn't push mow our yard because of it's size, and our neighbors weren't watching us through the back windows, but we did not live on a farm. The only animals we had were dogs, a couple of wild rabbits and one cat. Fresh fruit and vegetables were always in abundance and I think this is why I have such an appreciation for fresh food now. We had berries of all kinds, so many vegetables, including corn which was inevitably knocked down yearly by a summer tornado. We'd still plant a patch of it and end up with some sort of harvest to put away in the freezer. We had fruit trees and come every fall, were so loaded we were giving baskets of produce away. We still pick apples and pears from the trees every fall. I remember mushroom hunting in early spring with my dad. We'd both take a long stick and wear hats because ticks were plentiful. This was a tradition until one year in the late 80s, he overdid it and got sick off of the -egg wash and cracker crumb coated - fried in a pan with butter - way in which my mom always prepared them. We haven't been back since. And to think I saw morels for over $20 a pound at the corner lot by Walmart a few years ago. We used to bring home grocery sacks overflowing.

The memories are endless. My mom started journaling our family life in the early 80's and wrote something every night before she went to bed. I believe she still does. She says it has helped remember dates, times, places and keeps her memory in check. Perhaps this is her version of a blog? She'd surely laugh if I asked her, because she doesn't even know what a blog is. She is still using dial-up and hand writing checks. But I won't fault her for that because all of my family memories are in my mind and our family photos are on cds and we horrifically balance our checking account by calling the 800 number and seeing what has cleared.

Because of my mom's retirement earlier this year, she's had time to organize the last 20 years of our family photographs in chronological order to coincide with the journals. This has been a huge project because she said it got away from her 20 years ago when she went back to work after my siblings and I were all in school, all day, and she was just overwhelmed with the day to day. Something with which I can totally relate...as it's taken me an evening and morning to write this blog between 'life.' And I've started to realize when my mom does sell the home, I won't be able to go back and walk in 'that' kitchen and smell wonderful aromas or watch my own children pick all of her flowers, which took her all spring trying to get to look nice, but the memories in my mind, in her journals and all of the photographs over years and years will preserve this forever. I can 'go home' whenever I want because, like the saying, it is not the house that makes the home, it's the people in it.

"...Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself"

And contrary to the lyrics above, I never have to look far to find myself. The house that builds me, is wherever I am. I am close with my family and they are my home.

Thank you Dad.

2010-05-12T19:20:00.000-07:00

"...Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Mmm Mmm... I don't know... Mmm Mmm... Mmm Mmm...

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too"

I was recently thumbing through the pile of cds in a recyclable shopping bag I keep in our van. I should have them in a safer, more organized location because I would be upset if anything happened to any one of them. However, they are easily accessible and I switch them out often. The cd changer in our van only has 6 slots. This is sort of a bummer when I have quite the selection of music sitting on the floor under the console.

I was thinking, for a 30-something mom, I have quite the broad, eclectic taste in music. I don't stick to one genre and I don't stay on any one particular group or artist for very long, but I NEVER get rid of music. This is probably why I rarely listen to the radio and if I do, I'm a surfer, constantly switching the station to the next 'good' song. Someday, I will add my Playlist to this blog. You'll see what I mean.

My version of 'good' has changed over the years. When I was preteen, I think 'good' was the latest, greatest and definitely overplayed on the local rock station. Through high school, it was big hair bands that had to be played really loud for the full effect, or so I thought. In college, I turned into a music sponge. I rarely had time to watch television, but always had music going. At all of my hourly wage jobs and while riding my bike or the bus to get to and from those jobs and class, the headphones were on and a mix was playing. When I moved on from college to a career, it was playlists on the computer, satellite radio and music that was suggested to me.

College, and thereafter, was when I really started listening to all genres and allowed my musical tastes to be opened. Not only did I listen to the beat, but the instruments individually, as well as lyrics and the varying voices singing. And all of those elements put together created music in song. Yes, I liked some genres more than others. And there was specific music for specific times and places in my life. In retrospect as I write this, I also notice that certain seasons evoked certain musical tastes. But, the one big tie in through all those years, was my father. He had been probably my first musical influence and had always encouraged me to really 'listen' to a song.

My father and I had arguments about 'good' music from probably high school until a trip home from college. I remember giving him a cassette that I had made for him. Eric Clapton, Unplugged (released in '92). He hadn't graduated to a cd player in his pick-up at the time, so a cassette seemed a step up considering he would have probably stuck with 8-tracks for as long as possible. After handing it to him, he asked me what my favorite song on it was and why. I don't remember exactly what song I said, or even if I had a particular one. But I remember us having a discussion about Eric Clapton's musical talent as an acoustic guitarist on this album. We talked about his voice and how smoking had 'made' his voice, which in itself was arguable. My dad, being a chain smoker at that time, was on Clapton's side of course, and thought it only made it better. And we talked about his writing in regards to lyrics and the history behind some of the songs. And then he said something like, 'you finally get it.' I recall him saying those words distinctly because as a kid, I remember him being disappointed that I did not take any interest in learning a musical instrument, nor did I have a beautiful voice. I think he once told me I was tone deaf. I don't think he meant that in a mean way, but for a man that never learned to read sheet music, and pick up a song after listening to it a few times, he was probably pretty disappointed that only one of my siblings ever took up a musical instrument (the Oboe) and they sucked at it.

My dad had played the guitar for as long as I could remember. He was lead guitar in local bands over many years. He played in local restaurant lounges and bars, for weddings and special events, starting even before I was born. This was always a side job for him. He was proud blue collar and a very hard worker. And his favorite hobby was always electric guitar. Fender and Gibson. Don't ask me the years and the models. I just know those were his two prized possessions.

As Father's Day approaches, I think of this one aspect in life that my father always loved and I am still learning to appreciate. I think of all the music my dad introduced me to, the song he and I danced to at my wedding, and most of all, the music I wish I could share with him now. And there is so much music I wish I could discuss with him. I believe I have grown, even from that Clapton cassette, to have a much greater appreciation of musicians and their talent.

"This is for you daddy." I miss you.

"You Won't Understand Until You're a Mom"

2010-05-08T06:29:00.000-07:00

I understood this phrase, my mother often used to say to us as kids, as soon as I found out I was pregnant for the first time. You don't understand what you will do for your child until faced with making split second decisions that involve selflessness and unconditional love and are even sometimes difficult to make, but you know they are for the betterment of your children. Being a 'mom' for only 5 years now, I'm still young and learning, but I do understand what my mom was saying all those years and I appreciate her even more.

When our children were a mere kidney bean in my stomach, I made decisions affecting them. And at the time, all they felt like was some alien invasion. I chose to take good care of my body; by what I ate, taking naps and sleeping when needed, taking prescribed vitamins, minimizing stress in my life and visiting the doctor for routine visits to check on their progress.

Once they arrived, my world as I knew it changed forever. I became a mom. Little persons depended on me. My life was no more about my schedule. These little beings threw me off completely with their need to be nurtured and cared for 24/7. Thank goodness it came naturally and selflessly. Nobody gives you a life lesson about caring for children and although it took adjusting for me after being independent and carefree for a good 10 years of my life, having children has taught me much about my own self and what I still have to learn about life.

I could write a book on 'the unexpected' in childcare and parenting and 'what others before me never told me' about having children. Most days you would not believe some of the occurrences that happen here, but as I type them as a Facebook update, explain them to my husband or other family members, they make me smile and laugh, feel important as a person and know that only a mom could understand.

I've had a wonderful Mother's Day. Slow moving morning with hugs, kisses and a few presents followed by a wonderful brunch shared with family. My favorite moments today were the hugs and "I love you mommy' from each child in abundance. They do and say those things every day, but today is just a day to reflect and soak it up and appreciate the mother child bond with each of them.

My mom offered to take child 3 with her for the rest of the day (insert 'woohoo' here), so I get some mommy child 1 and child 2 alone time. We are going for a drive, taking some photos and doing some exploring. And possibly some ice cream and/or a coffee run for mommy!

Wonderful wishes to all of the other moms out there! Enjoy your day!

Priorities.

2010-05-05T05:59:00.000-07:00

I love getting massages. I would get one (or two for that matter) every day if I could afford it. I don't like the scratchy, fingernail type of massage, I want the rub with the thumbs and knuckles, deep tissue, kneading the sore spots 'type.' Truth is, I've had one, yep..just one, in the past year because it's a luxury expense and I just don't treat myself as much as I should. Of course, had I not purchased all the Venti Iced Soy Lattes I have over the past year, I could have probably afforded at least 3 more massages. Priorities.

I'm not one that will be sharing intimate bedroom details on my blog, but this was just a massage. It was really nice and it deserves recognition. Some mornings just start out better than others and I have to give a big fat 'damn, that was AWESOME,' when it's due. My husband can do a fantastic job at giving a massage, when he sets his mind to it. He can totally give me 'goosebumps' and cause my brain to tingle and my body to totally relax...and put me right back to sleep. Sounds like more than a massage, right? But it isn't, and on a busy, weekday morning, it's really nice to have that time together.

I just made a list and here's the rest of my next two days:
Wash Rugs: bathroom (1 load), kitchen (2 loads), towels (our bathroom 1 load), bedding (our bedroom and spare room)
Dust: entire house, ceiling fans and huge window in foyer (need extension pole to get dead ladybugs)
Bathrooms: Tub and Shower (CLR), Sinks and Toilets (x4), Floors (hardwood, Pergo, 2 Tile) restock TP/soap/tissue/paper towels and cleaner under sinks
Kitchen: countertops/stove/micro/clean out fridge
Basement: empty boxes to garage, craft bins off bar, toys picked up, slipcovers straightened, dust
Mop Hardwood in Kitchen, Tile in Basement, Vacuum House
Remake beds, lay down rugs, marinate meat for grilling this weekend, prep veggies

Next week: windows and sills in all rooms..MUST DO before next weekend!

As much as I'd like to trade in my personal masseuse for a cleaning person, I think I'll keep the masseuse. Priorities.

Question of the Day

2010-05-04T06:08:00.000-07:00

Can shopping with two 5 year olds really be considered retail therapy? I'll get back to you on that.

Kid 1 and kid 2 have experienced a growth spurt. I can't quite understand this because every meal seems like a food challenge. I put a balanced plate in front of them and on most days am given back some portion of the veggies and proteins. The starch/carbs go down just fine. So how, in just 6 months, they grew 2-3 inches in height, now have tummies popping the snap on their jeans and are in need of a summer selection of shoes which they will inevitably outgrow before fall is beyond me. I guess the pediatrician knew what she was talking about when she said they could go for 'days' without eating and be just fine. Or, I could feed them pbj every day for a month and they'd still be ok. I'm not going to do one of those 30 day trials to test that theory anytime soon, but I believe her.

Sunday Driver Stops for Horses in the Country

2010-05-02T19:44:00.000-07:00

(I have a few things to learn about photo placement, but I was so excited to just get them on here, bear with me!)

Yep, I joined that over 65 crowd today. You know who I'm talking about. They take those leisurely drives out in the country and it's always a no passing zone, for about the next 17 miles.

Actually, I try to get out and go driving every weekend, when I can get away for a few hours. I make sure I have good music so I can practice my rock star singing voice. I crack all the windows and open the sun roof to ensure a breeze is blowing my hair all over. It makes me feel like a wild woman on a mission when I really have no mission at all. I make sure I have an icy beverage to quench the singing-voice-thirsties when needed. And I make a conscious effort to not irk people off by going 30 mph. I do pull off the side of the road to snap photos when they present themselves, but I use my signals and hazard lights.

So, I finally learned how to load photos to this blog and I'm so excited to incorporate some of the ones I took today. Yes, it took me an entire week to see that little link that loads the photos so effortlessly for me. Call me an blog virgin, but I'm trying.

I found myself at this horse farm. I didn't actually go up this family's driveway, knock on the door and ask to take photos. I just hung out on the road in front of their fence, like some spying mom with a camera in a mini-van. I do this often and the more I do it, it becomes less of a bother to my sub-conscious telling me this might be quite strange to passers-by.

I tell myself I don't like horses, but I do think they are beautiful animals. When I was a Girl Scout, we rent riding as a troop. I believe this was to get a badge of some sort and I probably never received mine. I was not comfortable on the horse I was given to ride. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that it was 4 times as tall as me and could crush my skull with one hoof. The horse felt my insecurity and decided to revolt against me. He (or it could have been a she..not sure) took off. This horse had no intention of stopping and I rode that horse in fear for my life for what seemed like miles. Luckily, one of the horse wranglers (Is that what they are called? I think the jeans brand may be throwing me off here ) came up and got the horse to heed. I have not been on a horse since. But, I continue to enjoy their beauty from at least 5 feet.

I've dubbed this horse 'Blondie.' I confirmed she was actually a 'she' because as I was pulling further down the road she was a bit exposed, I believe her male counterpart was planning his attack. Further on down the fence..more horses and the next two were most definitely in love.

The rest of my journey involved a creek or crick, depending on the hillbilly in you, a cow that wouldn't give me a smile even with all the nice conversational attempts I was yelling out my window at him/her, railroad tracks that reminded me of the Rob Reiner movie Stand By Me, and a gorgeous sky that said 'thank you for seizing this afternoon' on my way home.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

2010-05-01T06:46:00.001-07:00

That is my 'Saturday' word. I love..and I mean LUVVVVV Saturdays! Every other day of the week, I'm struggling to get my butt out of bed, but Saturdays, I have this amazing vigor to jump out of bed.

This morning..dog was barking at our bedroom door, which meant one of the kids let her out of her 'cage.' My husband has been sick the past few days, and even though he was moving around and getting out of bed, I went downstairs. I made banana muffins and got kids dressed. Enjoyed breakfast with the kids for about 10 minutes until 'Kid 3' decided to squeeze the juice box into the yogurt tube and 'Kid 1' said the crumbs on the plate were dancing as they proceeded to hit the plate with a knife. That was my quitting point on a Saturday morning after an entire week of this creativity with breakfast. Daddy was downstairs by this time and I said...'mommy's finishing her grocery list upstairs' and I snuck out.

So, I'm upstairs planning my day. I would normally get up EARLY. My goal on most Saturdays is usually to beat the sun, get a shower, grab my camera and run out the door before the kids figure out I'm up and are screaming for breakfast. Most Saturdays, I make it. But I have to be sneaky!! Today, I decided to make it a slow morning and take my time. My camera and laptop bag are ready to go, but I have this impending list of groceries that needs to get done. Relaxation to follow the 'unloading' of the vehicle.

Ever notice how other tasks or people are dependent on 'the list?' That being the grocery/staples list? For example...husband needs deodorant..otherwise..stinky husband pits. Laundry needs bleach..otherwise..stains and dingy clothes. Kids need milk..otherwise...rotting teeth from juice boxes and the like. Dog needs food..otherwise...she pretends to be malnourished and eats every little morsel she can get her very long sloppy tongue to reach. Mommy needs to do 'the list' alone or she just might end up in a padded room before week's end.

Some adults loathe grocery shopping and especially on a Saturday, when it's crazy nuts out there. And by crazy nuts, I mean the other shoppers. But, part of my fun, besides not having the 'I want, I want, I need, I want trio' along, is to take my time and be able to people watch. I love watching others....deal with their children, their reaction to the 10 cart line at the check-out, where they park their empty cart out in the lot...just the day to day, but on a Saturday. This makes my life seem not so crazy nuts. I'm not the only one that needs a Saturday 'Ahhhhhhhh' break, I'm just lucky enough to get one!

And a huge, HUGE THANK YOU to my husband, who is quite capable at keeping the kids happy and content, so I can take a time out from 'mommy' for a bit and just be myself. I need this 'ME TIME.' It revives me for the next week ahead.

Now..off for a relaxing shower with no kid interruption. Then out the door with my lists and my camera and laptop.

The Day Before May Day

2010-04-30T08:02:00.000-07:00

"See the curtains hanging in the window
In the evening on a Friday night
A little light a-shining through the window
Lets me know every thing's all right"

(Seals and Crofts, Summer Breeze, '72)

It has been a melancholy morning. I think it's the weather, and a few unresolved conversations from this week causing my mind to weigh heavy.

I am trying to embrace the positives of the morning. The nice breeze coming in the windows and the fact that it is not raining...YET, breakfast and dishes are done, kids are dressed and playing and it's Friday!!

Tomorrow is May 1st. May Day. As children, my mom introduced my sisters and I to the tradition of making a May Day basket. We'd fill it with flowers from the yard and leaving it for unsuspecting neighbors. The baskets would start with a piece of paper, be that newspaper or sturdy construction paper. We'd staple or tape and handle for our basket made out of ribbon, or paper. We'd line the basket with a plastic bag or plastic wrap and some damp paper towels, then fill the basket with lilacs, tulips, jonquils, or whatever flower we could find in my mom's flower beds. Sometimes, it would be filled with a bouquet of dandelions because those were always in abundance in my parent's yard. In tradition, one would fill the basket based on the flower.. it's color, smell and meaning. For us, it was whatever we had so to make a nice surprising gesture to say "Happy May Day!" We'd then run over to our neighbor's homes, place the basket on the door handle, ring the bell and run! We'd hide behind bushes or a garage and wait for them to open the door and get their surprise. Seeing their faces was always such a reward. There was always a smile.

Over Rice Krispies this morning, I told our kids about this tradition. Immediately, the kids had all their houses pegged and wanted to know where the construction paper was. I told them, we needed to get some flowers first. Because our yard has very few blooming flowers, we will most likely purchase a bouquet or two to disassemble and use for our project. I think we'll do the newspaper cones because it's a positive 'green' effort and also because they hold up better and can be larger and sturdier in size. I will try to take a photo of this tomorrow and post the final baskets. I have high hopes because they are such a creative bunch and their excitement is contagious.

May Day Baskets bring happiness and I need a little of that as I end this week. I look forward to helping the kids pick out some flowers and seeing their excited faces as they try to pull off the surprise, all while squealing and giggling when they ring the doorbells of neighboring homes.

I was never a homecoming queen.

2010-04-29T08:00:00.000-07:00

But I'm hoping to get back to Daydream Believer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQNqk54HPdE

"...Oh, and our good times start and end
Without dollar one to spend.
But how much, baby, do we really need."

We are very fortunate to have an abundance of 'stuff.' It can be a curse (end of day...house looks like a tornado). But 'stuff' is exactly what it is. I get to unpack stuff today (we recently moved). This 'stuff' makes our kids very happy and entertained for a while. I had such fun as a child (without stuff) running the woods, playing in mud, riding my bike and hardly ever watching tv or needing to be entertained. As a mom, I do find it difficult to understand why our kids can not possibly be content on their own. I know why they have a hard time, but trying to have a conversation with a 5 year old about being imaginative and creative is quite difficult. Because we (yes, I will put myself in that guilty category and leave the other names out) did this to them. We inundated them with 'stuff' since they were babies. As they get older, one believes they will start thinking more on their own..using their imagination. However, if we've only ever handed them 'stuff' and never let them fuel their own imagination, can they daydream? I wonder.

I know they can get really dirty in a pile of mud. I believe there is hope.

I'd love to take a family vacation to 'Nowhere.' Nowhere has the essentials...food, running water with shower/tub and toilet, and beds. Ok, those are my essentials, but I'm not a big camping girl. I can do it. Not a huge fan of bugs and being smelly. Back to nowhere... Nowhere has no television or electronic devices. Nowhere doesn't cost more than the bare essentials explained above (room and board). Nowhere would be primarily an outdoor experience (reliving my childhood through the eyes of our kids?). One would have to be creative to enjoy the Nowhere experience. Just the drive to Nowhere could be fun. I need to start researching Nowhere. Of course, that will require the use of my laptop.

Will 'I' be able to survive Nowhere without 'stuff?' Very good question.

(note to self...learn how to embed youtube videos)

Brand New Sunshiney Day

2010-04-28T07:25:00.000-07:00

According to the spell check, 'sunshiney' is not a word. Who knew?
It's a good thing some of my rebelliousness can still sneak out on grammatical occasions.

We have 4 big bay windows in our bedroom. Having no window treatments currently is a blessing and a curse. I love the view of our backyard. Even more so now that the trees have leaves and I don't get to view the backs of neighboring houses. I even love waking up to the sun in the morning...ON THE WEEKENDS. But, on a weekday, when my husband is already up and moving to leave for work, and the kids are anxiously waiting for their AppleJacks, the dog can't hold it any longer and the phone is ringing, and you just know it's some perky person calling for no good reason, I'm not such a fan of the sun in the windows. It's that big, gigantic, reminder of 'get your butt out of bed.'

So, I'm up. I ate a healthy breakfast. I need a shower. I plan to use that sunshine to my advantage and seize the day even though we are without a vehicle (might explain that later). Adventure awaits. Perhaps 4 pair of muddy, goose-poop laden shoes and a frog in a bucket. We'll see!

Day 1

2010-04-27T12:40:00.001-07:00

My title sounds like a 12 step program. Some days, it feels like I need more than 12 steps.

Today has been relatively ok as far as the mom stuff goes. A bit frustrating, but not hair-pulling.

I think for a while, I will refer to my children as 1, 2 and 3. 3 is potty training. (Bear with me, I might lose you.) 3 will go 1 on the potty. 3 will not go 2 on the potty. I think 3 is afraid 2 might just crawl out of the toilet, or jump back and bite..? Not sure. But today, 3 went potty on the floor twice and on a chair once. I just did laundry yesterday and it's a good thing 3 thinks it's easier to be naked because I'm really getting tired of washing out underwear, not to mention the carpet, tile and upholstery.

*note to self...Paper towel supply is getting low in downstairs bathroom. Locate name of parent company for Clorox Green Works..buy stock now.

In other news, lunch had 'green stuff' in it and was not popular. Chips and a juice box was the preferred lunch of choice for 1, 2 and 3. I did however bribe 1 and 2 with the promise of cake. It worked. 3 went down for a nap hungry. Dinner is in about 4 hours.

Need caffeine.